All of my posts consist of topics ranging from kinky to just random things going on in my life. This is my journey as an owned slave to my Master. If you are over the age of 18, please enjoy.
Guys this is so awesome! Not even two whole days of being here, and Hermies has already molted. In case you guys aren't up to date, I now own myself a Hermit Crab. I don't have any pictures because when these guys molt they need to be secluded and in the dark and have as very little attention pointed towards them as possible, but here in a couple of days when he is running around again I will take a picture of him and his old exoskeleton and post it on here. Also, here is another website provided for those of you who are curious as what goes on to the hermit crab when it molts. I have found this site to be a lot of help with preparing and taking care of Hermies thus far, and I'm sure it will help me later in the future when I get more.
Anyways, this was just a small update on my new happy friend. Hope everyone has a nice day.
NEW UPDATE!! Here is Hermies peeking out for a nice little snack on his exoskeleton. Yes, this is completely natural, and very good for them as it will give them special nutrients and calcium that will help them grow. Sorry the photo is blurry. As soon as Master lets me borrow his camera, I will be sure to take better pictures and upload them.
So I made a post not too long ago about losing my kitty, Bear. In regards to that, I have been seriously thinking of getting myself a new pet to call my own. Something to love. Something cute. Something... of the crustacean variety?! Yes! A hermit crab. Would have never guessed it, right? Well, I really love these little critters, they have fascinated me since I could remember, and ever since visiting the beach last April, I have been craving to have one to call my own.
Yesterday, before attending a munch, Master and I found ourselves in a pet store looking at all the cute animals. There was a finch there that was so fixated on me, it was down right adorable. If it weren't for the fact that my cats just LOVE eating birds, I would have brought him home with me. Then I saw them. All those little hermit crabs scuttling along in the tank and knowing I couldn't have a rabbit, ferret, hamster, or another cat, I was instantly drawn to these guys. I pondered it for a while and found myself getting excited over the thought of owning one. I would have got one on the spot, but it was time to leave to go meet up with everyone, so off we went.
The munch was a lot of fun. Lots of laughs were had and it was just all around a great afternoon, but soon after the munch was over, we were back at Master's house and His parents invited us to go hang out with them for a while. After a few hours with His parents, we found ourselves back at the pet store, and I just HAD to have one. By the end of the night, I had bought pretty much everything I needed, including the actual hermit crab, and Master and I were on our way back to my house. After a bit of prepping and getting temperatures right, Hermie was now in his new home.
I'm not going to lie, I'm already really protective over my new found "kid" and I am doing everything I can to make sure he is comfortable and healthy. I even looked up extra tips online on how to keep his "crabitat" going strong and getting him certain foods for his diet. I'm not only giving my love to another animal in my life, but I am learning more and more about this species, which is a great add on. Anyways, Hermies finally ate some of the lettuce I got for him today, and it makes me quite happy to know that he has scuttle around his home a bit.
Friday, when I get paid, I plan on getting him another crab to pal around with and get them this play cage that is specialized for hermit crabs. I'm so excited! ^.^
Here is a picture from last night. Not the best, but enjoy.
I bet you're wondering why I titled this post the way I did. Well, to be straight and direct, the title explains it all. For years, especially this past year, I have found myself unhappy with the way I am emotionally and physically.
In my opinion, I could be in a LOT better shape than I am right now. I'm a bit overweight, my breathing gets heavy if I run longer than 30 seconds, and I get tired way too easily for someone who is about to turn 20. This. Is. NOT. GOOD! At all. Granted, I'm not like a whopping 300 pounds, but I'm closing in on 200 and for my height... that is just.. not pleasant in any way. They way I see it, one day, when I have kids, I want to be able to be fit and keep up with them when they get to the age to be really active. I would be horribly depressed if I had to tell my kids "Mommy can't play tag with you guys, it hurts her to breathe.". I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but honestly, if I would keep up with the way I have been this past year, I guarantee you that is how I'd end up.
So what am I going to do about this, you ask? Correction. What AM I doing? Starting last week, I have been cutting back on sugars, junk food, and started exercising. I took a walk with Master around our park here in town, which added up the distance, it's about 1 mile around the park once. Instead of stopping at one lap, like my legs were wanting me to, I pushed for a second lap, and even walked up hill back to the car. Walking up hill after that length of walking was possibly one of the worst things I have experienced in a while, because the hill curves around the tennis court and you are walking up for a good 10 minutes. Get someone like me who has not exercised in months, and you'll get exactly what I did. Heaving and stopping twice to catch my breath.
It was at that moment that I decided that this is exactly what I needed. I needed to challenge my body and to not only help my physical appearance, but help my cardio vascular system improve. (For those of you who I just lost with that, it means I need to work out my heart and lungs so that I am not dying to breathe by the time I reach the top of a hill).
The very next day, I hung out with one of my friends, and we were supposed to just hang out at his place and I guess play video games or something. I was relieved when he called me up shortly before we were to hang out and popped the question of going to the park. Gladly, I said yes. Not only was it another beautiful sunny and warm day out, but it was another chance to exercise some more. And exercise was definitely what I got.
We didn't walk laps around the park. Screw that. We fucking HIKED through the hills/woods above the damn park! Yeah.. That uh.. SUCKED! I was breathing so hard by the time we reached the top, I had to sit down for a few minutes to rest and catch my breath. Once again, I was feeling like crap because I was in this bad of shape, but I was relieved to see that I made up the hill without collapsing. (Haha). Needless to say I spent most of my day outside hanging out with him and his fiancée (Whom I have known for years. I actually met him through her) and we walked around the downtown area and just had a nice day.
Then came day three of this new plan, and I gotta say, I thought I wasn't going to make it. Every third Friday of a month, my town has a huge group of people who have an event that is year round that is called Critical Mass. The best way to explain this is a shit ton of people get on bikes, some on skateboards, and ride all throughout the town stopping traffic where ever we go to raise awareness that our town needs a bike path and to re-legalize bikes and skateboarding in the city. For my first time EVER doing this, it was awesome. We biked about 8 miles, which is also new to me, and by the time we were done, I was so worn out, I almost cancelled on my double date plans to just go to bed early. I couldn't bring myself to do it though because I hadn't seen this friend in so many months and I just had to see him and his new girl. Too excited to quit on them. Not to mention, even though my legs were screaming at me the rest of the night and into the later of the next day, it was totally worth pushing through and seeing them.
Anyways, that is the beginning of what I am starting to do to help improve my physical appearance.
As for my emotions, I'm not too terribly sure where to start. I can be very clingy, and surprisingly, Master doesn't despise it like everyone else in my life has in the past. He says I don't need to change that part of me, but I feel it would be for the best for me. I am so stuck on being able to see Him almost all the time, that on the days I don't get to see Him, it really affects me. This.. needs to stop. I feel I am TOO clingy and that I need to learn to distance myself to the point where I can handle not being around Him and I can carry on my days without needing Him for entertainment. Now, take what I just said leniently, because what I mean by that is honestly just the fact that when I'm not with Him, I am bored as fuck! Something I find rather unhealthy about my demeanor. It just needs to change.
I'd like to start off with saying that I think I am already starting off in the right direction. This evening, Master picked me up from work, and on school nights, His parents want Him home by 9:30. Tonight, they wanted Him home by 9:15. On any other day, I would have pouted. The time I spend with my Master is very precious to me, and still is. Instead of getting upset like I typically would, I said okay, and that I could respect it. Didn't question it, and honestly, on the inside I was actually okay with it. Granted, we lost track of time and he ended up leaving the typical time anyways, so it was nice, but I was pleased with myself that if it hadn't worked out that way, I was alright with it.
It's not that I don't need Him, or that I don't want to be with Him, I just need to know that I can do other things without Him being around. I think it would work out best for us if I can successfully do that, especially when we are older, have a home, and possibly married with kids. That is if it ends up like that.
Anyways, I have rambled on too much about this, and probably bored you to death. I'll make updates later on when I am able to on my progress with both of these things.
Some of you who have read my previous blog about Hannah, will remember that I expressed that I was rather lonely, upset, missing her, etc...
Well.. I have some rather pleasant news; we are back in touch with one another. I finally made the move and contacted her earlier this evening to let her know that I was sorry for everything that had ever happened. She added me back to facebook, and we have been talking off and on all evening long. We both know that the friendship we once had will take some time to patch back up, but I am more than willing, and she has informed me that she too wants to be friends again. I can only hope and pray that in the future we will be okay again. If not, then at least I tried, and so did she. I'm not overwhelmed with joy, because I fear that would make me seem I guess... excited over something that hasn't fully happened yet? I don't know of the word I'm trying to think of. My mind is so boggled it's not even funny.
At any rate.. I have made a big step in what I feel, and what Master feels, is the right direction. Only time will tell now. I'm just so glad to be able to speak with her again. It's the least I wanted. After this.. I'd definitely say there is a God amongst us somewhere.
Okay.. this past summer I lost one of the best friendships I had ever had with my friend Hannah. We had been best friends for nearly 8-9 years, and it was all gone because of one simple argument. Pretty fucking stupid, if you ask me. We both were at fault, but some things were said and I just could not tolerate it. Now I sit here, feeling lonely as hell because not only did I lose my best friend, but the ONLY person I have that is THAT close to me is my Master.... And granted, it's nice to have Him here by my side and being as close to Him as I am, but dammit, I miss her. I miss that friendship, and I just miss being that close to someone who I am NOT in a relationship with. It's down right heart breaking, really.
I honestly feel like I'm in a "friendship rut" and there is NO way of getting out of it. Not even my co-workers seem interested in getting that close to me.. Except Morgan.. we've hung out a few times and she is fun. I just.. I don't now if I'm trying too hard, or if I'm just awkward and weird and people don't want to hurt my feelings.. I just.. I don't get it. I'm not even trying to replace Hannah, because there is NO replacing her. It's cheesy, but she will always have a place in my heart.... I just want to be close to someone again.. I miss the intimacy of a close friendship and I miss being able to call up that person whenever I want to just talk, or hang out, and I miss the long conversations, and the calling in the middle of the night whether it be something exciting, or something devastating. It's like.. after Hannah and I stopped being friends.. no one needs me anymore. I was so used to someone needing me to be there for them... I was used to being able to share DEEP secrets and sharing the worst and best moments of my life with someone who cared and would listen to me for hours and vice versa.
I just feel so lonely.... And now I'm crying... UGH!! /Frustration.....
I do, however have a friend who I have been friends with for a little over a year now, and I am relatively close to her, to where I am comfortable with pretty much anything, but it's not the same. Is that weird? Like.. I can tell her anything, I can do things in front of her and I am not afraid, but the connection is not as deep. Granted, we haven't been friends that long, and I'm not expecting to be like "YAY~! BFF'S" because friendships take time to grow, just like relationships do. Anyways, I guess what I am trying to say is that I have made SOME progress in trying to regain a normal life since Hannah, but I just have a LOT to work on.
Anyways.. I guess I'll end this for now.. maybe do an update on this later....
