Ramblings and Other Thoughts

The other day, Master and I were talking about life in general, and what we were going to do for our future. For once the talk of babies and marriage didn't come up, which was actually a load off my chest even though I'm typically the one who brings it up first. Instead we spoke of our plans for an apartment, me getting my drivers license, saving up for a car of my own, and things in that general area.


Something else was brought up in the midst, and that was bringing one of my cousin's, who is two years younger than me, into the picture. Kyle and I have always gotten along since we were kids, and we might as well be brother and sister. It's a well known fact that he wants to be a chef, and where he is living right now, not only will he not be able to do that, but his mother sure as hell is not helping him out in any way shape or form. (I love my family, but seriously, they have lots of problems that I just REALLY do not need or want to get into). 


So the thought was, once Master and I get our bearings straight, and get a little more stable, we could bring Kyle to live with us, help him get into school here in town, get his GED, and hopefully help him get up on his feet and do what he wants to do. Plenty of places around here are hiring chefs and cooks, so its definitely a way to get his foot in the door. The plan would be to help him out till he can get on his feet, then when he is ready and saved up enough money, get him his license, his own car, and then his own apartment. Till then, we'll be sharing with him. Which is fine by me. 


I really don't know how this is going to work out, and I know I'm nutty for wanting to do this, but he is family, I really care about him, and no one else is going to help him out, so why not someone who he knows, trusts, loves, and can be comfortable being himself around?


If that does happen though, it won't be for at least another year and a half, and at most another after Master and I get a place of our own, so we have plenty of time to talk to Kyle about this, save up money, and think of ways to make this work. My only worry is our M/s and kinky lifestyle. 


I know it has not really been discussed with Kyle, but I'm pretty sure he has caught on that Master and I are living this type of lifestyle, and lets be honest here, Kyle is no idiot. We don't really try to hide it around Him, because after all, He's barely younger than us (18) and two, he is someone we can trust. Out of all the blabber mouths I have in my family, Kyle has always been good at keeping secrets, so he is no threat to us. 


My main concern is I know Master and I planned on holding a few events at our place once we got a place, but nothing too rambunctious. Just a small get together with other lifestyler's we know and trust. I just wouldn't want my cousin feeling left out, but also, I don't want him feeling.. awkward, nor our friends. So I really do not know. I know we'd try to get him a separate room so he can have his computer and battle station in there, so if he wanted privacy and to stay away from us, he has a safe place to be.


Still lots of thinking to do there. We'll figure something out. To me family always comes first, and if Master and I can help him get his life together and make a good future for himself, I'm willing to sacrifice time doing kinky things just to help him out.


Funny enough, Master was the one who mentioned bringing Kyle to live with us. If that tells you anything. *smiles* They really do get along a lot. As they say, we'll worry about crossing that bridge once we get there.


Other things that have been on my mind are finding ways for more time with Master. I get to see Him every day, yes, but with both of us in school now, and having loads of homework to do, there is little to no time for intimacy anymore. We're always trying to sneak "quick ones" in when His parents step out of the house for a few minutes, or when we think His parents won't come upstairs for a while. It's... annoying. 


Granted, I'm thankful that I do get time to be with Him, but I miss when we used to be able to have passionate sex without the worry of someone barging in at any given moment. To put a good insight on things, even though His mom was right down the hall last night in her bedroom, with the door shut, it was VERY tempting to just jump Him on the spot. (Would not have turn out well, considering I'm pretty... erm.. vocal.. Yeah, that's one way to put it). 


Oh well. It won't be too long now. Right? Trying to keep up faith and hope here. 


I guess the last thing I want to cover is what happened the other night with Angel. To be honest, I thought about it all day yesterday, trying really hard to wrap around my head around it. It was like waking up from a dream, but it actually happened. 


The feelings I have for her are.. interesting. Nothing bad, but interesting. I can honestly say I love her, but not in the same way I love my Master. I'm honestly afraid she is going to read this and think I'm nutty or something. lol I mean it's true I think about her, and I care about her. I guess the thing I am trying to say is that no matter what happens, I'll always respect her and take her as she is. No matter what happens. 


She is a very beautiful person, whom I enjoy being around, and I can only hope that from here on out we'll always be friends, even if this thing between us doesn't necessarily work out. I keep repeating myself.. I know....


I just hope she realizes she could never push me too far, and that I'll never be weirded out by anything she says and does. I care about her too much for that too happen. At any rate, it was just nice to see her again, and to be able to hug her, hold her and kiss her again. ^.^;; *blush*.


I find it amazing that Master is so open to this. I would have never thought that this would ever be going on. Haha. I figured Master would be like me, and want to keep Him to myself. I feel almost like a hypocrite, because if He wanted to be with someone else, I'd have a hard time with it. Especially if it was another female. Considering Master is straight, He'd never go for another guy, if we ever did decide to bring in another slave/submissive, it would be a woman. 


Granted, I don't think that would ever happen, but I'm just saying.. I feel selfish. I'm trying really hard to change my views, because if Master can share me, then I should be able to do the same, you know? Granted, I'm a LOT better about it, and sometimes the thought of Master kissing another woman in front of me would be a bit arousing, but I know those feelings of bitterness would still be there. I've come a long way.


I know that will probably never happen, but in case it does, I'm trying REALLY hard to prepare myself. If I can love multiple people, and it be okay with Master, then I feel it should go both ways.


Just my thoughts. 


For those who are reading, do you have any advice and tips on getting over something like that? What would you do in my situation?


Any feed back would be nice.


~*~Anastassia~*~