These past few weeks have been rough, but I do have some good news. I'm fully recovered and I have my appetite back! In fact, it seems my metabolism has sped up quite a bit since the hospital visit, so I'm definitely back to eating well and no longer rapidly losing weight at an unhealthy rate. I've regained all of my strength, and I think I feel a little stronger than before. All of my bruises have healed up, and from what I can tell, there are no longer any deep bruises either.
Other than feeling a little nauseated here and there, I think I'm pretty much back to 100%, which is a huge relief for both me and Master.
Other good news, my kidneys are looking a lot better too. My kidney doctor said two weeks ago that my kidneys are improving, but because they weren't exactly where he wants to see them, he wants to have me check in at the end of the month to see if they are finally back to normal and the levels and numbers are where they belong. He said my electrolyte numbers were excellent (which was something I was really wanting to hear, considering I had been drinking tons of water and water that was infused with electrolytes) so other than he just wants make sure I'm in the right direction, I'd say I'm doing pretty fantastic.
Lets just hope that at my next appointment he tells me I can go back to drinking other things than water. I'd really like to have some tequila or a rum and coke soon. Haha.
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This past week was a little stressful, but it had its highlights too. Thursday morning I was in Masters bathroom and as I was walking out, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and landed screen side down right on the tile floor. I really don't drop my phone, and honestly I'm sure that was the first time I actually dropped it. As I picked it up and turned it over, I immediately noticed that the whole screen was cracked all to heck. Luckily the LCD screen didn't break, so it was still operable and I could still text and make phone calls.
I'll skip all the little details, but my mom ended up going to insurance and they replaced my phone for $200. It was only about an hour later that I found out we didn't have to spend nearly that much, but I could have the glass screen replaced for about $30. Needless to say I was a little pissed....
That is until the new phone came in the very next morning. It was another iPhone, but even better, it was the newest iPhone 4 with Siri on it. I love this phone. Haha
Thursday evening Master and I got to spend some time with Panda and Angel too. It was nice seeing them again, and it was good to sit down and play some games with them and just get life off of our minds. Time with them was definitely needed and great.
Friday, I ended up going to Marshal campus with Master, Certari, and one other girl for the Free Hugs event that Certari put together. We all had a lot of fun hugging a bunch of people and running around campus, and I especially loved that we made so many people smile, even if they didn't always hug us. It was definitely a "feel good" sort of thing.
Saturday was not such a great day. I felt exhausted and nauseated most of the time. We ended up not going to a play party we were invited to because of that. As the day unfurled, I started feeling a little better around 7 or so, and even sat down to dinner with Master and His parents for some delicious fajitas that His mom made for all of us.
Everything was going pretty well, we were all laughing and having a good time, that was until we started talking about Paul. That's when things took a turn for the worst. Paul was their next door neighbor for over 20 years, and treated them like family. They might as well have been family, and over the past three years I've gotten to know him, he became like family to me as well. He was like a long lost grandfather.
While I was in the hospital, he passed away from what I thought was lung cancer. I know they found it really late, and the last time Master and I both spoke to him, his voice was just about gone and he was becoming very weak. So we knew it was going to be a matter of time before he was going to be gone from our lives forever. When we got the news while I was in the hospital, it came as a shock that he passed away so quickly, and though I had a slight inkling that something just wasn't right, I was so drugged up on medication, I didn't think much of it. Just cried and mourned a little, then worked on getting myself better so I could leave.
It was what Paul would have wanted. For me to get better.
Saturday night, however, the truth came out and I was far more than devastated. Thinking and talking about this is pretty hard for me, but I think it is best if I get this out somehow....
It turns out that the slight feeling I had that something was amiss was far more accurate than I would have liked. I received word from Masters' father that Paul had shot himself, and that was how he truly died. He didn't want to have to go through the pain of chemotherapy, and he certainly did not want to die in a hospital while having morphine pumped into him, so instead of suffering a long painful death, he took that matter into his own hands and did the deed....
When I was told this, I was blown away. For all of about 5 minutes while he explained this to me, all I could do was stand there in complete shock and horror with my jaw dropped wide open. I could tell my reaction was something he expected, but it also hurt Master and his parents to see my reaction. Life was very real and emotional for a little over an hour, and before too long the state of shock took over and my legs got weak. I sat down for most of the conversation, and was practically speechless....
I hear of people committing suicide all the time, and while it's very sad, it's a whole nother ball game when you actually know the person who did it.
I didn't sleep very well that night, and I felt empty most of Sunday. I ended up briefly talking to Angel about it, and it kind of helped, but all I wanted was to just get my mind off of it completely and just forget. Master and I ended up going out to lunch and driving around town most of the day. We also went to see the Avengers which was awesome.
I slept a little better the last two nights, but the thought still kind of haunts me. I really don't know what to think or how to react.... It's very hard hitting news and it's taking me a little time getting over it. I haven't lost respect for him, and I can kind of understand... Honestly.. I don't even know how to feel about this either.
I just hope the rest of this week goes a lot better.
~*~Anastassia~*~
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