I haven't really said much of anything to anyone lately due to my lack of enthusiasm and so forth. I don't recall if I've ever mentioned it before, but I have depression. I deal with it on a daily basis and for the most part, I am able to keep myself in check and keep it at bay.
For those of you who do not know, November 18th was mine and Master's anniversary. 4 years together now. Which is great. We spent our weekend exploring the sights and scenery of Hawks Nest and Fayetteville. We ate lunch at a nice little cafe called The Cathedral Cafe and the food was amazing. Sadly, nothing else too exciting happened that weekend. I digress.
Anyways, I had been fighting off a huge wave of depression I have felt coming on since October, but for some reason, around early November I just couldn't really fight it off any longer. I sank into a deep blue funk and (for the most part) kind of kept to myself. Something that is normal for me when I get depressed. I get quiet, I'm not talkative, I lack enthusiasm for most things, and because of this, I become somewhat of a hermit and distance myself from everyone. Including Master. Even my sex drive had depleted.
Most of the time, I don't realize I'm doing it, and this was one of those cases. I knew I had been feeling down, but this was one of those times I didn't recognize the signs. I was so busy with work and school I had no time to focus on anything else. This was all brought to my attention by my best friend, Angel, who had noticed I was acting out of the norm and distant. That's when it clicked in my head and I explained everything to her.
Not to mention going up to see my family on Thanksgiving did not make things better. In fact, it worked in quite the opposite manner. Like usual, upon seeing me, my family tells me I need to lose weight and tells me that I've "obviously been eating rather well" and so forth. Basically taking stabs at my weight. Nothing new. It also turns out that while Master was involuntarily volunteered for yard work by my family that my papaw was complaining that I didn't have my drivers license and took more stabs at me behind my back. So.. that just only made things worse.
By the time we got back to Master's house that evening, I was ready for a much nicer meal with His parents and talking to people who I knew were going to talk to me like I was human, not like I was scum or talk ill of me behind my back. That went well. So that was something to be thankful for.
After dinner was over, I proposed to play a card game, Phase 10, and immediately Master started saying "No." That He didn't want to. Not going to lie, I kind of pleaded Him, trying to coax Him to change His mind, but He proceeded to start complaining about the game and this was what seriously sent me over the edge.
Something so small and silly and on any other day I would have been like "Fine. I'll wait till another day." Sent me into a crying fit that lasted a good hour. And in my mind I felt like I could do nothing right and so forth. Depression at its finest right there...
Eventually we talked it out and after a phone call to Angel, who eased my mind a little better, I calmed down and was ready to find a way to fix this...
It's taken me a few days, but I've been able to work past some of the problems I've been having and yesterday I was finally tired of being sad all the time and down. So despite my physical feeling of not wanting to do anything, I tell Master that I want to change my life. I want to feel better about myself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Especially physically because I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling disgusted with the way I look. With how over weight I am, and then having my family basically point out every little flaw.
So He suggested we do yoga. On the inside I wanted to just curl up and say "No.. lets do it tomorrow..." But I knew better and made the initiative. I asked to do that right on the spot and we ended up doing nearly an hour and a half of yoga last night. After it was over, I could already feel the stress and worry leave my body. I felt limber and free, and I had even worked up an appetite. For both food and sex (surprisingly).
After dinner, we came back up to His room and were laying on the bed cuddling. We haven't really been intimate with one another in what has felt like way too long so I was determined to change that. I positioned myself on top of Him, with His hips between my legs and leaned down to kiss Him softly on the lips. I ran my fingers through His hair, feeling the softness of his hair glide through my fingers as I lingered for more kisses. This didn't take very long before I got the reaction I was looking for, which was His cock hard and throbbing against me.
He rolled me onto my back and sat atop of me, kissing me and caressing my breasts with His hands. I felt that familiar tingling sensation run through my body, letting me know that I was able to fully enjoy the moment without some sort of mental block getting in the way, like it has in the past. Master had got off of me and walked around to the side of the bed getting out the body wand we had purchased a week ago. (It's like a mini hitachi wand and it is magical lol). I begged for His cock, asking to have it fill my mouth, which I swiftly was awarded.
I don't think I have ever sucked on His cock with as much enthusiasm as what I did last night before in our time together. Even Master was surprised as I took Him all the way into my throat without gagging. He quickly pulled out of me and put His hand under my chin to lift my head up so we could make eye contact.
"I need you now, Anastassia. I need to use you." I attempted to suck on His cock some more and He pulled Himself away from me.
"No, Anastassia. I need your cunt."
He got behind me and placed the tip of His cock against my cunt, and I didn't wait for Him to slip in. Instead, I pushed myself onto Him, eager for this attention I had been craving for days. During this union of our bodies, I felt so alive and so full of energy. I hadn't felt like this in weeks. Something triggered in me last night and even though He came inside of me and filled me up, I was left craving for more, yet very satisfied, none-the-less.
I made a joke later on in the evening that sex can cure just about anything with me, but I'm thinking there may be some truth to that, even just a little because today I have felt great. My body is sore from the yoga we did last night, and the sex, but I feel revitalized and my mood and attitude is so much better. I feel so much better about myself and about my body, and I don't even really care right now that my family were dicks to be over the weekend. It's like I'm on a blissful cloud just floating along for the moment. Sadly, this won't remain like this forever, but I'm going to revel in the moment. I feel as if I deserve that at the very least.
~*~Anastassia~*~
No comments:
Post a Comment