Valentines Day: From Awful To Amazing

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day, and for the last 11 years it's actually been bitter sweet. I see February 14th as my (now deceased) grandmother's birthday, and I always have. So yesterday would have been her 66th birthday if not for the fact that she had not been with us for almost 11 years now. I dreaded Valentine's day since the moment the month of February began. 


Waking up, I wasn't really in the best or worst of moods. Just.. there. I called Master to let Him know I was awake and ready to see Him, and got dressed so I could hop on Facebook for a little bit. The first post I saw was by my aunt, and her writing a little note about how Grams was missing and that she remembered certain things about her, and it was kind of like a shock to my system. I honestly don't know how my dad and his sister took yesterday (after all it was their deceased mother's birthday) but I knew I was taking it hard. You'd think after a little over a decade things would be better and not nearly as hard, but it's not. 


So bright and early, not even been awake 15 minutes, and tears were starting to roll down my cheeks and onto my keyboard and hands. When Master called me to let me know He had arrived, He could tell that something was awry with me. As soon as I plopped into the passenger seat of His card, that's when my day started to get better.


"Look, I know today is going to be a little rough for you, but I'm making a promise right now, that I will make you laugh, smile, and I'll make this as best of a day as I can for you."


I gave a sad smile with a reply: "I'm not trying to be hard or anything, but good luck. Today has not started off well. I'll try to be happy, though."


"Well, I know, and I'm here for you. First, before we leave, I think it's awful bright in here, don't you?" A grin plastered to His face.


I honestly didn't get it. My face contorted into this puzzled look, and I'm pretty sure I gave Him the "Watchu talkin' bout, Willis?!" look. It was cloudy yesterday where I lived and I'm thinking "No? It's actually pretty dark outside..."


"It's bright in here, maybe you should put the visor down and shield the light." Grin getting bigger.


"I didn't really understand, but I did it anyways and out flopped what looked like a home made card. I picked it off the floor only to see this:

Isn't this freaking cute? lmao!

Master had made me a card, and wrote a silly little note on the inside that was all the right amount of nerdy, cute, and loving. Not going lie, it made me laugh, and it definitely made me smile, just as Master had hoped for.


"Well now! Looks like you've done well! You actually made me laugh. Thank you, Master. I'm going to have to take a picture of this and post it up online. This is too cute not to share." I giggled at Him.


"Good! Now lets get to the house, I have another surprise for you."


Most of the car ride was about normal. We always play music, engage in light conversation, and I typically sing when we're not talking. We got ourselves some breakfast and I had wanted to get on His laptop to check something online. As soon as I logged onto His laptop, I saw a document open and the first thing I saw was "Dear Jessie" at the top. For some reason, it was natural impulse to immediately minimize the document. I yelled down the hall so Master could hear me through the bathroom door


"I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!"


"What? See what?"


"The document! All I saw was 'Dear Jessie', then I minimized it! I promise I didn't read it!" 


"Crap.. I thought I took that off of there. Okay good! Don't read it till I'm done."


For some reason, i felt proud of myself for telling Him that. After a few minutes, He finally came back into the bed room and handed me a printed copy of that letter that was on screen. He told me I could now read it, and He wanted to see my reaction while I was reading it. 


Guys... this letter... was one of the sweetest things I know I have ever received from anyone in my life, and it actually brought tears to my eyes. I don't know if Master would want me to share it or not, so I do not have a picture of it, but I promise you, it would make any woman cry. lol 


In a short amount of time, Master turned what would seem like a dreary day into a great one. He is so amazing, and I am so blessed. We mainly spent most of yesterday like any other day. I took a shower while He was in class, and made myself all pretty and put my O ring on my collar so that when He got home, all He saw was His naked slave kneeling on the floor, wearing her collar with pride. Of course, this kind of fumbled a little, cause while I was naked, and I was wearing it with pride, I got cold and put my shirt on to stay warm. Without warning, I heard the downstairs door open and close, and heard His voice. So here I am scrambling to get my shirt back off, and Master hears me rustling around so He rushes up the stairs just in time to see me throw the shirt to the side (He needs to stop being so fast! D=) and me fighting to get to my knees and into position before He reaches the top of the stairs. 


So here I am, kind of hunched over and paused in motion, blushing like a maniac, and He starts laughing. 


"You're so fucking cute!" He says gleefully as He approaches me.


I grumbled a little, but kept most of my composure and nuzzled into Him. I felt more like a pet, at that moment, that had missed her owner and was wanting some attention and love. Master, however did like the surprise, and of course, was hard in no time. 


I took His cock into my mouth and started sucking on Him, gently. Slowly gliding my tongue along His shaft as I teased the tip of His cock with the back of my mouth by swallowing the gathering saliva and pre-cum. Luckily for me, He is always gracious when I do this, so it wasn't hard to coax Him onto the bed with me. His next surprise was that while I was in the shower, I had shaved for Him, something He definitely loves to see. What happened next, though, took me by surprise.


Master suddenly dove for my cunt, and buried His tongue into my hole, licking tenderly and sucking on my labia every now and then. Master typically doesn't perform on me with His mouth, because generally I guess He doesn't enjoy it nearly as much for some reason, but yesterday He was all for it, and I couldn't get Him away from me down there. Not that I wanted to, though. Haha So it was definitely a nice treat.


After about 5 minutes of this, and pushing me closer to the edge, He came up and practically pounced on me. "I can't take this anymore, I need to be inside you, Anastassia!" His voice was savage and masculine, and only sufficed to make me melt more into the bed. With little hesitation, He tried thrusting into me. I had to stop Him, as generally I'm so tight He practically has to inch into me so it won't hurt nearly as bad. (His cock has a decent width to it, so I assume that is why it hurts me more). Slowly, He eased Himself in, and I have to admit, I don't think I've ever felt as tight before in my life, so while it was a little more painful than usual, it felt amazing as well. 


We soon fell into a rhythmic motion with one another, and due to the stimulation I received before intercourse, a hard orgasm surged through my body as I writhed and clenched myself around His cock and His body. Amazingly enough, He somehow kept my orgasm to last for a solid minute or two before cumming as well. 


I remember having Him lying on top of me with my legs and arms wrapped around His body as I felt the semen pumping into the condom He was wearing and thinking to myself of how wonderful it would be to actually be filled with His cum some day. It brought an odd smile to my face, but I quickly snapped out of it so I could kiss Him and exchange "I love you's" with Him. 


Sex is such a raw thing, and it brings out our rawest, most animalistic emotions and I feel closest to Him when we do have sex. It more than lust for us, it's love, passion, and us bonding in a way that just puts me at a loss for words. 


The rest of the day was spent with us smiling and having a good time. I ended up breaking down and making a Netflix account so that Master and I could share it, so we spent most of the evening watching anime's such as Elfen Lied, Trinity Blood, Samurai Champloo, and such. Though.. they were all a little.. well lets just put it this way, they were definitely not romantic, which is fine with me, but if any of my viewers have never watched Elfen Lied... it is VERY violent and graphic. We ordered take out from Uno's and brought it back to the house so we could eat while watching our shows. 


So overall, yesterday turned out a lot better than what I thought it would, and most of all, Master made me realize that no one has ever loved me the way He does, or cared for me, or anything else. I've always known I was lucky since the moment I met Him, but to do what He did goes way beyond anything else. He's definitely that bright star I had been searching for.


~*~Anastassia~*~

Dear 10 Year Old Self

This year is going to be a rough one, as well as the years that follow, but I promise you, things will get better. Here in about a month or two, you will lose your grams to a heart attack on Easter Sunday. It will be really tough, and you'll miss her a lot. Her funeral will impact you pretty hard, and you'll be pretty frustrated with having to deal with someone very important to you no longer being in your life. It's going to be okay. I know it may not seem like it in the moment, but you will push through, and she will be up in heaven watching out for you every second of the way. Even if it doesn't always feel like it.

Your dad will marry your step mother this year as well, and it will be scary to move away to a place you've never been before and forced to meet new people. I know moving has been the norm for you in your short life at this point, but I promise you, you'll be safe in your new home for the next ten to eleven years. All those horror stories about step mothers being evil will not come true here. At first, you're going to want to fight her tooth and nail, and it will seem like she is that evil step mother, but in due time you will realize that not only does she love you with all of her heart and soul, but she is doing the best she can. After all, she's never been a mother before you came along, so she is learning too. She will make mistakes, but no one is perfect. 

Some of the things she will say and do will hurt you, but trust me, it is for the best, because she will inspire you to be the best person you can be. You'll not understand it at first, but as you grow older and mature into a young woman, you will soon see that what she did was for the best, and that she really can be a very supportive and caring person. Just trust me on this. She really isn't evil. She loves you more than your biological mother could ever love you, and she will protect you, even if it doesn't seem like ti right now.

The following years will be harsh and confusing to you, because you are going through all these hormonal changes, and you won't know what to do with yourself. By the time you reach high school, you'll be so depressed that you'll try to kill yourself at least once. Don't do it. You have SO much to live for, and you have so many people who really do love you. Just because you don't realize it and don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. Your family loves you, and so do your friends. You'll end up pushing through this dark moment in your life, and you'll start realizing your self worth. You may still argue with your parents from time to time, but deep down, realize they are just as scared for you and your future as what you are. This is new to them in some aspects too. Give it some time. You'll see. You really are loved and that will never change. 

By the time you reach your junior year in high school, you will start getting better grades than you have before, and this will start making your parents proud. You'll also come to terms with something that happened to you when your biological parents were having a divorce, and at first it will be very hard to cope with. It's okay, because that is another obstacle you will push through and will no longer hurt you as bad as it used to. It's frightening at first, but keep up faith. You'll be okay in due time. 

In your senior year of high school, you'll become friends with a boy who is one year younger than you, and he will become your best friend. You'll eventually realize you have feelings for this person, and you'll be scared at first to engage a relationship with him, especially after all those past failed relationships you've been through. You'll start thinking this will be a short term thing, and that you'll just end up breaking up and hopefully staying friends. He will prove you wrong, and he'll be the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. Trust me, he is a keeper and you REALLY don't want to give him up. It'll be worth it and he will teach you the true meaning of what love is, and he will teach you to no longer be afraid. He will be there through your best and worst times, and he will love you no matter what. 

By the time you graduate high school, you won't be too sure of what to do with yourself, and you'll take about 2 1/2 years to decide you want to go back to college. You'll get your first job in November of 2009 and at first you will love it. Eventually, it kind of sucks, and you'll want to quit. There will be days where customers will want to make you cry, and a few times they actually succeed. You'll also call your mother up one evening before work, crying on the phone, saying how bad you want to quit, but she will give you the courage to deal with it, and you'll regain hope again. 

As the next couple of years go by, your relationship with your father will kind of diminish a bit, and things will be tough between you two for a while. Don't worry. Even though he may say some hurtful things to you and act like he doesn't care, somewhere deep down inside I'm sure he does. He just sucks horribly at showing it. No matter what he says or does to you, no matter how bad he hurts you, never stop loving him. He is your father after all, and he's the only one you have. Maybe some day he will see the error of his ways, maybe not, but it is NOT up to you to judge him for it. That is something that should be left to God. Just be glad you still have your father around. Life is too short to hold grudges, even if you don't always agree with the things he does. I'm sure he loves you and he is proud of the accomplishes you will make in your life. He just has a hard time conveying those emotions. It's okay. As I said before. NO ONE is perfect. Not even you.

By this time in your life, you will still be with that boy that I mention above, and you will have been with him for over three years. Pretty long time, huh? You both are now in college. He is studying to be a Civil Engineer, and you are studying to be a medical assistant. You will soon realize that you aspire to become a nurse practitioner and you will work VERY hard in college to get there. I don't know if you will succeed in this, because as I'm writing this, I'm not that far into life myself. Just know by this point, you have grown into an amazing young woman, and that you are doing great. 

You will become a great person, even if it doesn't feel like it at first. Hold your head up kid. It's going to be a bumpy road, but it's going to get better. Just give it some time. I love you Jessie, and you will learn to love yourself too.

Sincerely,

Jessie