There has been very little to no time for "kink" in our lives as of recently. Master is working now and works the same exact schedule as His father, so they always get home at the same time every evening, I've been going through a "training period" with Master in order to earn my collar back, getting enrolled in school (which classes start tomorrow) and on the off chance we have any time left, we've been spending that free time with friends or His parents.
Alone time has diminished GREATLY over the past month, and it's starting to slowly wear at me now.
I'm finding it harder and harder to figure out ways to serve Master, as we do not live together and do not have a place of our own. We're hoping to fix that sometime soon in the future, however, and I really do hope that happens, but.. In this day and age, shit is getting hard, especially with finances. As of right now, the only way we could live together is if Master had a job that payed over $10 an hour and He worked 5 days out of the week. Being that isn't the case, and I only work weekends now, yeah.. this is.. ugh.. I just don't like thinking about it.
The only domestic things I can do without giving our lifestyle away to either set of parents is make Him food, clean up stuff around the house when He tells me to (unbeknownst to my parents), occasionally clean Him when we get lucky enough to get a shower in together, give Him massages, and fetch Him something to drink.
Even then, I can't say "Yes Sir." too loud, I can't surprise Him at the door by kneeling there and waiting on His return, I can't have myself naked and waiting for Him to do anything with me He pleases. He can't use me as often as we'd like due to not living together. Honestly, I sometimes feel a bit pathetic.
I've had people laugh at our situation, tell me that we're not living a "real M/s lifestyle" and that what we're doing is silly. I don't feel that way. I feel like what we are doing is trying to cope the best with what we have right now.
Sure, I'm not a live in slave yet, but we're working towards that. That is what matters. It just hurts hearing from people that we are just basically "playing house". It may look that way, but I feel there is something much more there between us than us just "playing house". I am learning what I can do for Him when the time comes that we move in together. I am preparing myself for when the situation arises. I just wish some others could see it like that, instead of being so negative.
On top of all of this, working towards getting my collar back, is even harder for me because of the lack of time we have together. If we lived together, I'm sure it would only take a couple of months, depending on my progress, but the way things are going, I have no idea WHEN I'm going to get it back, and it's heart breaking. The less time we have together to work on this and ourselves, the longer this process is going to take.
I really feel like crying right now. I'm not losing my faith, but it is hard to keep focus when we have little to no precious time. I just.. don't know how we are going to get through this. I know we will somehow, but the road ahead of us is very unclear, and it worries me. I just hope for the best, every single day, and keep praying that our questions will some day be answered.
Here's to the future.
~*~Anastassia~*~
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Rebirth
This past week has been one of the toughest weeks in my life.
As I stated in my previous post, my M/s dynamic with my Dom was starting to fall through and we decided to start over. This week was about learning how to trust one another even more, and about working on my obedience while He worked on His Dominance. I'd like to start off by saying that it was far more successful than what I thought it would be. We have already made a significant amount of progress in just this week alone, which shows our dedication and that we really love one another enough to help ourselves be better for each other.
This week, He gave me tasks to fulfill, and a dead line to fulfill them in. I was to clean my room by the time He got off work Wednesday evening. I did so, and I even went beyond. Not to suck up, but to prove that I wanted to be His collared slave again, and that I would do anything to please Him. I cleaned most of my house in the process. I vacuumed the whole house. I took out all of the trash, including my parents. I did laundry that needed to be done. I organized things in my house that would make it better to find things. Especially in my room.
Needless to say, when He arrived and looked in my room, He was impressed. It was virtually spotless. (Still is. It is now my task to make sure to keep up with my room every week and keep it from getting extremely messy again). On top of that, we got a few new toys from The Lions Den about 30 minutes from us. (I don't have any pictures of them yet, but I'll get to it soon enough and post them).
We got three new things at the store. A spider gag, a wartenberg wheel, and an insert-able vaginal vibrator that came with a wireless remote. They were all things I have been wanting since.. well.. a few years, and I was rather happy to have them, but going through a time like this, happiness was not that easy. I was still feeling depressed.
At any rate, back to the main story. This week, up until Friday, was spent with Him giving me orders and having me follow them. This weekend, however, was more about breaking me and making sure I knew my place at His side. It first started Friday evening. It started with me getting the cane, that Panda made for us, taken to my ass several times. By the time He was done, I was already starting to feel sore.
I was blind folded, gagged, handcuffed, naked, and left in the bathroom all by myself in what was darkness to me. The bathroom is relatively big, so I had enough room in there, but I was ordered not to move, not to make a sound, and if unless I desperately needed something, I was to not call upon Him.
I know He left the bathroom door open, but for the most part, it was very, very quiet. The littlest sounds made me jump. I could hear the dogs rustling around downstairs below me. It was too quiet. Occasionally, I could hear Him moving about the upstairs where I was, and at one point, I was certain He went downstairs. (I REALLY do not like being upstairs by myself. Never have). I could hear Him stop by the door way and check up n me, but He never said a word. After I heard Him leave and went down the hall to His bedroom, I didn't hear Him again.
He was up to something.
Every now and then, I could hear a creaking noise. It was faint, and light, but I knew something was happening. A part of me knew it was Him the whole time, but as I have mini freak outs when it comes to being alone and "in the dark", my mind had already been playing tricks on me just enough to have me wondering if something else would be going on.
I was freaking the fuck out. I could hear Him closing in on me, and I flinched so violently that I accidentally kicked His leg. I found Him. He took that time to climb over top of me, held his hand on my throat with a little bit of pressure and pressed Himself onto me and whisper.. well.. rather menacingly in my ear that I was His slave, and that I should never cross Him again. I needed to know my place and it would be best for me to learn it quickly. This was brought upon when I tried to kiss Him.
The next thing I knew, I heard that distinct swooshing sound of the cane gliding through the air really fast, and I could feel it stop just right above my thigh. It never made contact, but I flinched none-the-less, and for the first time ever in this relationship, I was scared. I was terrified of the pain that could/would be inflicted upon me. I didn't want it. I just wanted to plead and beg that I was sorry, but I kept my mouth shut and waited. He struck me with the cane just hard enough on my thighs a few times, that it stung for a while.
He had to untie me at this point, as His parents would be home soon, but it continued after they left.
Once they left, we returned to His room to finish the punishment there. His parents had left for the weekend, and we had the whole house to ourselves. The next couple of hours were spent with me getting my ass beat with the cane (so much that I was hurting through to the next day), and when I wasn't getting hit with the cane, I was lying on the floor in my "time out area". That area consisted of a comforter laid down on the floor so I wouldn't be lying on the hard wood floor with no protection, a pillow and a light blanket to keep myself warm. I was not allowed to leave that spot unless I asked for permission and was granted it first.
I cried a few times during all of this, as expected, and at one point at the end, I broke down, crying my eyes out, stating that I wasn't sorry for what I was about to say, and the words that came out of my mouth were "I love you, Master." I had said it. I broke that one rule, and even though I felt semi guilty about it, mainly because I was breaking a rule, I told Him that I wasn't sorry I said it. I told Him that no matter what happened, He was still my Master to me in my heart, and that would never change.
He picked me off my feet and held me tight. What He had to say, though, shocked me. He told me that even though I had broke that rule, He thought it was best to say that I had earned my privilege of calling Him Master again. He was impressed with how hard I had been working all week, and at how dedicated I was to make this work. However, nothing goes unpunished, and He administered 20 swats of the cane to my ass for breaking the rule.
The pain was worth it. As I told Him, I did not regret saying it, and even though I was punished for it, I still do not regret it. It felt right saying it. More right than not saying it. On top of earning that back, Master bestowed upon me my new name this weekend.
From now on, my name is Anastassia. The name itself means "Resurrection". It is not only a word that describes me as a person, but describes our relationship as a whole. I was given this name because this is the rebirth of us as a whole. The rebirth of our relationship and the rebirth of our dynamic. We are starting new, so in a way, we are "resurrecting" this part of our relationship. It's rather befitting, I think, and I love the way it sounds. No matter what name He would have given me, I would have loved it, regardless.
Things have progressed amazingly, and I am eager to keep this growing. I know it will be a while before I can regain my collar, but being able to call Him my Master again does make this period a little easier. It's still upsetting, of course, but I feel increasingly better with each passing day.
I can honestly say I am looking forward to earning that collar back, and being rewarded with it because of the hard work I will be putting into this relationship.
Till next time.
~*~Anastassia~*~
P.S. My phone got water logged today when I fell into Master's grandmothers' pool. I fell in with my clothes on, my phone in my pocket, my purse on me, and my iPod, wallet, and keys in it. My iPod was salvaged and works like nothing ever happened. My phone... I fear may be screwed. I have to let it dry out for the next few days, but I have a feeling I'll be saving up for a new phone. *sigh*
As I stated in my previous post, my M/s dynamic with my Dom was starting to fall through and we decided to start over. This week was about learning how to trust one another even more, and about working on my obedience while He worked on His Dominance. I'd like to start off by saying that it was far more successful than what I thought it would be. We have already made a significant amount of progress in just this week alone, which shows our dedication and that we really love one another enough to help ourselves be better for each other.
This week, He gave me tasks to fulfill, and a dead line to fulfill them in. I was to clean my room by the time He got off work Wednesday evening. I did so, and I even went beyond. Not to suck up, but to prove that I wanted to be His collared slave again, and that I would do anything to please Him. I cleaned most of my house in the process. I vacuumed the whole house. I took out all of the trash, including my parents. I did laundry that needed to be done. I organized things in my house that would make it better to find things. Especially in my room.
Needless to say, when He arrived and looked in my room, He was impressed. It was virtually spotless. (Still is. It is now my task to make sure to keep up with my room every week and keep it from getting extremely messy again). On top of that, we got a few new toys from The Lions Den about 30 minutes from us. (I don't have any pictures of them yet, but I'll get to it soon enough and post them).
We got three new things at the store. A spider gag, a wartenberg wheel, and an insert-able vaginal vibrator that came with a wireless remote. They were all things I have been wanting since.. well.. a few years, and I was rather happy to have them, but going through a time like this, happiness was not that easy. I was still feeling depressed.
At any rate, back to the main story. This week, up until Friday, was spent with Him giving me orders and having me follow them. This weekend, however, was more about breaking me and making sure I knew my place at His side. It first started Friday evening. It started with me getting the cane, that Panda made for us, taken to my ass several times. By the time He was done, I was already starting to feel sore.
I was blind folded, gagged, handcuffed, naked, and left in the bathroom all by myself in what was darkness to me. The bathroom is relatively big, so I had enough room in there, but I was ordered not to move, not to make a sound, and if unless I desperately needed something, I was to not call upon Him.
I know He left the bathroom door open, but for the most part, it was very, very quiet. The littlest sounds made me jump. I could hear the dogs rustling around downstairs below me. It was too quiet. Occasionally, I could hear Him moving about the upstairs where I was, and at one point, I was certain He went downstairs. (I REALLY do not like being upstairs by myself. Never have). I could hear Him stop by the door way and check up n me, but He never said a word. After I heard Him leave and went down the hall to His bedroom, I didn't hear Him again.
He was up to something.
Every now and then, I could hear a creaking noise. It was faint, and light, but I knew something was happening. A part of me knew it was Him the whole time, but as I have mini freak outs when it comes to being alone and "in the dark", my mind had already been playing tricks on me just enough to have me wondering if something else would be going on.
I was freaking the fuck out. I could hear Him closing in on me, and I flinched so violently that I accidentally kicked His leg. I found Him. He took that time to climb over top of me, held his hand on my throat with a little bit of pressure and pressed Himself onto me and whisper.. well.. rather menacingly in my ear that I was His slave, and that I should never cross Him again. I needed to know my place and it would be best for me to learn it quickly. This was brought upon when I tried to kiss Him.
The next thing I knew, I heard that distinct swooshing sound of the cane gliding through the air really fast, and I could feel it stop just right above my thigh. It never made contact, but I flinched none-the-less, and for the first time ever in this relationship, I was scared. I was terrified of the pain that could/would be inflicted upon me. I didn't want it. I just wanted to plead and beg that I was sorry, but I kept my mouth shut and waited. He struck me with the cane just hard enough on my thighs a few times, that it stung for a while.
He had to untie me at this point, as His parents would be home soon, but it continued after they left.
Once they left, we returned to His room to finish the punishment there. His parents had left for the weekend, and we had the whole house to ourselves. The next couple of hours were spent with me getting my ass beat with the cane (so much that I was hurting through to the next day), and when I wasn't getting hit with the cane, I was lying on the floor in my "time out area". That area consisted of a comforter laid down on the floor so I wouldn't be lying on the hard wood floor with no protection, a pillow and a light blanket to keep myself warm. I was not allowed to leave that spot unless I asked for permission and was granted it first.
I cried a few times during all of this, as expected, and at one point at the end, I broke down, crying my eyes out, stating that I wasn't sorry for what I was about to say, and the words that came out of my mouth were "I love you, Master." I had said it. I broke that one rule, and even though I felt semi guilty about it, mainly because I was breaking a rule, I told Him that I wasn't sorry I said it. I told Him that no matter what happened, He was still my Master to me in my heart, and that would never change.
He picked me off my feet and held me tight. What He had to say, though, shocked me. He told me that even though I had broke that rule, He thought it was best to say that I had earned my privilege of calling Him Master again. He was impressed with how hard I had been working all week, and at how dedicated I was to make this work. However, nothing goes unpunished, and He administered 20 swats of the cane to my ass for breaking the rule.
The pain was worth it. As I told Him, I did not regret saying it, and even though I was punished for it, I still do not regret it. It felt right saying it. More right than not saying it. On top of earning that back, Master bestowed upon me my new name this weekend.
From now on, my name is Anastassia. The name itself means "Resurrection". It is not only a word that describes me as a person, but describes our relationship as a whole. I was given this name because this is the rebirth of us as a whole. The rebirth of our relationship and the rebirth of our dynamic. We are starting new, so in a way, we are "resurrecting" this part of our relationship. It's rather befitting, I think, and I love the way it sounds. No matter what name He would have given me, I would have loved it, regardless.
Things have progressed amazingly, and I am eager to keep this growing. I know it will be a while before I can regain my collar, but being able to call Him my Master again does make this period a little easier. It's still upsetting, of course, but I feel increasingly better with each passing day.
I can honestly say I am looking forward to earning that collar back, and being rewarded with it because of the hard work I will be putting into this relationship.
Till next time.
~*~Anastassia~*~
P.S. My phone got water logged today when I fell into Master's grandmothers' pool. I fell in with my clothes on, my phone in my pocket, my purse on me, and my iPod, wallet, and keys in it. My iPod was salvaged and works like nothing ever happened. My phone... I fear may be screwed. I have to let it dry out for the next few days, but I have a feeling I'll be saving up for a new phone. *sigh*
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Starting Over...
This post is going to be a very hard one to make.... I'm really not too sure if I can even talk about all of this without crying my eyes out again, but I'm going to give it a shot.
Sir, and I are starting our whole M/s relationship over. What this means is that.. as of right now, I am no longer to call Him "Master"... and.. I am no longer collared by Him.... We're starting from scratch and working on our dynamic as an M/s couple.... I feel sick to my stomach.... I've been feeling sick since last night.
He.. has felt like I have been disobeying Him more and more, and I feel as if He tries too hard. When He tries to "act" like Master instead of actually being Master... it throws me off whack. We've come a long way since the very beginning on this, and what we both think the major problems are is that;
1: He is afraid of "breaking me" and hurting me.
2: I am very stubborn.
3: He tries too hard to act like a Dom instead of relaxing and just being the Dom in our relationship.
4: I notice this and sometimes become agitated with Him and pretty much have this attitude of "This is getting annoying" and almost feel like giving up.
These are just four main things that are tearing our dynamic/relationship apart. It's toxic and it needs to be fixed. That is why we have regrettably agreed on taking away my collar, taking away my privilege of calling Him "Master", taken away my title of "kitten" and starting all over again.
As of right now, He is "Sir" to me, and I am just Jessie. I have no pet name, I have no "slave name" and honestly.. it just makes me feel like I don't have a name at all. I have never felt more heart broken in my life. Honestly.. I feel like I've been destroyed since last night. I have no desire for eating, even though my stomach growls. I.. I know this sounds so silly, but I really feel dead on the inside.
This has got to be the worst thing that has happened to me in a long time. Losing my collar and my rights of calling Him my "Master". I really don't know how to describe it... it just doesn't feel good.
It needs to be done though. I really do need to be broken. I need to be taught some lessons, and I don't need to have it done gently either. Really, sometimes the best way to get things across with me is with brute force. (Now I don't mean He has to beat me, literally, but this means that He needs to be HARD on me. If I were to mess anything up, even in the slightest bit, and if I get off scot-free, honestly, I won't learn anything from it and in the back of my mind, I won't remember it).
I know that, eventually, I will earn these things back. It will be painful, and I'm sure lots of tears will be shed, and I'm pretty positive that by then end of this, Sir and I will have grown together in ways that will be unimaginable and we will be better as individuals and as a whole.
Sir has also mentioned that in the process He may eventually give me a new name. Something to call me by that will not be "kitten". A name that will represent who I am to Him, and that way we can start new with everything. This means a lot to me.
Neither of us really want to do this, mainly because of the pain factor, but it is something that needs to happen. We need to learn our places with one another. I need more discipline in my life, and He needs to know that no matter what He puts me through, I will love Him the same, if not more.
I may be mouthy, haughty, and sometimes downright rude, but all I really want.. is to make Him happy, and to make sure that we will stay strong for one another. I love this Man with every fiber in my being. I have never loved someone like I love Him, and dammit, if it means enduring any amount of physical and emotional pain to better ourselves for one another, then I will do it with my head held high.
May the healing and the training begin.
~*~Jessie~*~
P.S. I will be updating any/all progress made in this, and you can count that I will be updating at least on a weekly basis. I am still slave to Sir. It seems confusing, I know. I'm just a slave in training though. (Never thought I'd say that.)... Pray for Us. This is not going to be easy.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I Finally Did It! (Quick Update)
In my last post, I spoke of getting myself enrolled in college. Well, I did! I'm officially a college student and I will go in next week to enroll for my medical assisting classes! I'm so excited! I really can not wait to start studying in less than two weeks and get my degree. I really am ready for this step in my life and I'm ready to put forth my best efforts. This is going to be hard, but it will be so worth it in the end.
On top of that, Direct TV called me today while I was out and they want to schedule me for an interview, so better income! YAY! I can finally quit Kohl's and say "Bye bye Bitches!" and "Kiss my ass!" Seriously, I am done with them.
Anyways, that was my quick update, I hope this all goes well. Wish me luck!
~*~Kitty~*~
On top of that, Direct TV called me today while I was out and they want to schedule me for an interview, so better income! YAY! I can finally quit Kohl's and say "Bye bye Bitches!" and "Kiss my ass!" Seriously, I am done with them.
Anyways, that was my quick update, I hope this all goes well. Wish me luck!
~*~Kitty~*~
Monday, June 13, 2011
To New Memories and New Beginnings.
The reason I have titled it this way is because I'm going to compile the two biggest events from the last four days into one entry. So it's kind of a tribute to the new things happening in my life and the fun that I am starting to have again with not only my Master, but with some dear friends of ours as well.
Friday evening was the first time that Master and I got to see our beloved friends Angel and Panda. We hadn't seen them in months due to schedules clashing, health problems not only from Angel, but from myself as well and just things happening that would interrupt any plans that had been made. By the way things were looking we could never tell when we'd ever be able to see each other again. It sucked.
Luckily for all of us, Friday came and everything worked out as planned! Except Master and I were about 30 minutes late of getting there. >.< Sorry again. We met up at Angel and Panda's place, talked, sat around, played some board games as usual, but there was something missing... I finally was not getting beat on due to Angel's instigating routines. Not that it's a bad thing Instead, it was I who got to dish out the beatings for once thanks to Panda.
Talk about sweet revenge, "out of love" that is. Haha
You can see the damage I did to her behind here in her blog entry.
It was.. interesting to say the least. I never thought I would really get any "revenge" on her to begin with, nor did I ever really plan it, despite the idle playful "threats" I made of "Paybacks a bitch" and "Just you wait, I'll get you back some day." *Giggles* It was basically me just joking around and making it seem like I'd really try to get back at her. In all honesty, I didn't mind the fact that she'd sway my Master's mind into beating on me while in the middle of their living room, and to an extent, I actually enjoyed it. No, I was not aroused! Weirdo's! Lol But it was a lot of fun and it always made for an interesting memory that I would treasure for the rest of my life.
Anyways, back to the story. Panda eventually led me into their room to show me the choices of floggers and canes that He would let me use on His property, Angel.
I capitalize Panda's name and the use of "His" and "Him" when talking about Him because in my belief, it is a sign of respect that I wish to show in my writing. I respect Panda, and I believe that because of the level of respect I have for Him, He deserves the same type of courtesy I show towards my own Master when I speak of Him on here or anywhere else. That's just how I am. I hope I have not confused anyone here.
I yelled out some failed attempts of trying to get Angel a little riled up or nervous by saying things like "Oooh~ This is going to hurt!" Of course, I don't think it phased her one, single bit. The first time I did anything to her that night, she had just been bent over the table and I had taken one of the many canes that Panda has hand made and used that on her. By the time we were in their bedroom finding other things to use on her, she was blind folded and gagged while still across the table.
Everything was kind of a blur for me, because honestly.. this is the first time I've literally dished out the kind of blows that I gave to her. I had NEVER done this sort of thing to anyone before and it was an experience in and of itself. Not going to lie, I was in a daze. I didn't know what to expect, and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt her too terribly bad. She is my friend and I'd never forgive myself if I were to permanently damage her.
I remember by this point, her butt was already a little red from the blows she took from me from the cane I used on her, so I knew that it wasn't going to be too much longer until she was going to decide she had had enough. What shocked me, though, was the fact that she let me do it for as much as what she did. I mean.. once Panda got out that bamboo slapper, I was almost relentless. I know I hit her pretty hard with it, and while it was mostly on purpose, because even Panda and Angel herself said that it was okay, I was still worried.
That first loud crack was AWESOME. Sorry Angel!!! It was so damn loud, and I think it might have shocked Angel a little too. Seemed like it, maybe I'm wrong. I know it shocked me though. I want one! lol
I knew that it had to hurt to some degree, judging by the way she moved and the sound she made, and I'm sure it was a little lame for me to keep saying that I was sorry, but I couldn't help it. I'm not great at topping! And this is mainly why. I know I'd be too gentle. I really don't like causing people too much pain. Plus almost after every blow I was saying "I'm Sorry!" or "Are you okay?!"
It's cause I care!
At any rate, Panda and I had teamed up on her and He was taking their jump rope flogger to her back, while I took one of the belt floggers He made to her bottom. We kept alternating between blows. First Him, then I would hit her right after Him. It was like a metronome system gone off whack and now had two ticks instead of one. It was my idea! I was kind of glad that Panda thought it was a good idea too. I felt victorious! Lol
Eventually, she had had enough and it was time to stop bullying her for the night. Of course, I didn't get off so easy, as Master finally took the new cane that Panda had made for us Thank you again!! It's so awesome! to my bottom and swatted me with it a couple of times. So I got a little bit of punishment myself, but nowhere near as much as what had happened to Angel.
Is it weird that this STILL blows my mind? This was like.. 3 days ago. I have a feeling she's going to get me back some day. It may be weeks from now, even months! But I just have this sneaking feeling. BRING IT! <3 I can take it. =P
It was just really nice to see them once again, hang out for a few hours, play games, relax, have fun, and have a little bit of a kinky session in. These two.. They are just some of the most amazing people that I have ever met in my life, and I am blessed to have them in my life as well. Really, they are closest people to me besides Master, Himself. They mean the world to me, and I pray that we all have a wonderful friendship ahead and that we will all keep growing together as the great friends we are. I could go on all day on how much they mean to not only myself, but to my Master as well. We love them with all our hearts.
Now. On to the REALLY BIG NEWS that has me so excited and happy today, that I hope will be the beginning of a new and better life ahead of me. Not only for myself, but for Master, and the family we plan on having together in the future as well.
Lately, I have been trying to focus more on getting myself into school so I can get a degree in Medical Assisting. Medical science is my favorite science category, and even though it's been a few years since my Anatomy class I took back in high school, I still have retained most of the knowledge I gained from that class and I hold it VERY dear to me. Seriously. If there is one thing that is my forte in life, it is my knowledge and my passion for medical science.
Today, I called up a local college that I know is giving classes for medical assisting and the phone call couldn't have gone any better! The admin wants me in his office tomorrow at 3pm to set up my FAFSA and to get me enrolled for classes that start on the 27 of this month. That is two weeks away from now! TWO WEEKS!
I really can not wait and I hope that this will lead me in the right direction. I really want to work in the medical field and I really want to be able to afford nice things and to make sure that I can hep take care of my Master and our children. I want my family to have the most comfortable life possible. I really am praying hard that this will solve most of my life problems. Just.. I really need this to work.
I'm ready for this step, I'm ready to be more responsible of the things going on in my life. I'm ready to study my ass off, get as close to perfect grades possible, and I'm ready to put forth 120% of my effort to get myself somewhere in life.
More updates will be made tomorrow, hopefully, on what is about to happen. Please God, help me with this change and help me make this possible!
~*~Kitty~*~
Friday evening was the first time that Master and I got to see our beloved friends Angel and Panda. We hadn't seen them in months due to schedules clashing, health problems not only from Angel, but from myself as well and just things happening that would interrupt any plans that had been made. By the way things were looking we could never tell when we'd ever be able to see each other again. It sucked.
Luckily for all of us, Friday came and everything worked out as planned! Except Master and I were about 30 minutes late of getting there. >.< Sorry again. We met up at Angel and Panda's place, talked, sat around, played some board games as usual, but there was something missing... I finally was not getting beat on due to Angel's instigating routines. Not that it's a bad thing Instead, it was I who got to dish out the beatings for once thanks to Panda.
Talk about sweet revenge, "out of love" that is. Haha
You can see the damage I did to her behind here in her blog entry.
It was.. interesting to say the least. I never thought I would really get any "revenge" on her to begin with, nor did I ever really plan it, despite the idle playful "threats" I made of "Paybacks a bitch" and "Just you wait, I'll get you back some day." *Giggles* It was basically me just joking around and making it seem like I'd really try to get back at her. In all honesty, I didn't mind the fact that she'd sway my Master's mind into beating on me while in the middle of their living room, and to an extent, I actually enjoyed it. No, I was not aroused! Weirdo's! Lol But it was a lot of fun and it always made for an interesting memory that I would treasure for the rest of my life.
Anyways, back to the story. Panda eventually led me into their room to show me the choices of floggers and canes that He would let me use on His property, Angel.
I capitalize Panda's name and the use of "His" and "Him" when talking about Him because in my belief, it is a sign of respect that I wish to show in my writing. I respect Panda, and I believe that because of the level of respect I have for Him, He deserves the same type of courtesy I show towards my own Master when I speak of Him on here or anywhere else. That's just how I am. I hope I have not confused anyone here.
I yelled out some failed attempts of trying to get Angel a little riled up or nervous by saying things like "Oooh~ This is going to hurt!" Of course, I don't think it phased her one, single bit. The first time I did anything to her that night, she had just been bent over the table and I had taken one of the many canes that Panda has hand made and used that on her. By the time we were in their bedroom finding other things to use on her, she was blind folded and gagged while still across the table.
Everything was kind of a blur for me, because honestly.. this is the first time I've literally dished out the kind of blows that I gave to her. I had NEVER done this sort of thing to anyone before and it was an experience in and of itself. Not going to lie, I was in a daze. I didn't know what to expect, and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt her too terribly bad. She is my friend and I'd never forgive myself if I were to permanently damage her.
I remember by this point, her butt was already a little red from the blows she took from me from the cane I used on her, so I knew that it wasn't going to be too much longer until she was going to decide she had had enough. What shocked me, though, was the fact that she let me do it for as much as what she did. I mean.. once Panda got out that bamboo slapper, I was almost relentless. I know I hit her pretty hard with it, and while it was mostly on purpose, because even Panda and Angel herself said that it was okay, I was still worried.
That first loud crack was AWESOME. Sorry Angel!!! It was so damn loud, and I think it might have shocked Angel a little too. Seemed like it, maybe I'm wrong. I know it shocked me though. I want one! lol
I knew that it had to hurt to some degree, judging by the way she moved and the sound she made, and I'm sure it was a little lame for me to keep saying that I was sorry, but I couldn't help it. I'm not great at topping! And this is mainly why. I know I'd be too gentle. I really don't like causing people too much pain. Plus almost after every blow I was saying "I'm Sorry!" or "Are you okay?!"
It's cause I care!
At any rate, Panda and I had teamed up on her and He was taking their jump rope flogger to her back, while I took one of the belt floggers He made to her bottom. We kept alternating between blows. First Him, then I would hit her right after Him. It was like a metronome system gone off whack and now had two ticks instead of one. It was my idea! I was kind of glad that Panda thought it was a good idea too. I felt victorious! Lol
Eventually, she had had enough and it was time to stop bullying her for the night. Of course, I didn't get off so easy, as Master finally took the new cane that Panda had made for us Thank you again!! It's so awesome! to my bottom and swatted me with it a couple of times. So I got a little bit of punishment myself, but nowhere near as much as what had happened to Angel.
Is it weird that this STILL blows my mind? This was like.. 3 days ago. I have a feeling she's going to get me back some day. It may be weeks from now, even months! But I just have this sneaking feeling. BRING IT! <3 I can take it. =P
It was just really nice to see them once again, hang out for a few hours, play games, relax, have fun, and have a little bit of a kinky session in. These two.. They are just some of the most amazing people that I have ever met in my life, and I am blessed to have them in my life as well. Really, they are closest people to me besides Master, Himself. They mean the world to me, and I pray that we all have a wonderful friendship ahead and that we will all keep growing together as the great friends we are. I could go on all day on how much they mean to not only myself, but to my Master as well. We love them with all our hearts.
Now. On to the REALLY BIG NEWS that has me so excited and happy today, that I hope will be the beginning of a new and better life ahead of me. Not only for myself, but for Master, and the family we plan on having together in the future as well.
Lately, I have been trying to focus more on getting myself into school so I can get a degree in Medical Assisting. Medical science is my favorite science category, and even though it's been a few years since my Anatomy class I took back in high school, I still have retained most of the knowledge I gained from that class and I hold it VERY dear to me. Seriously. If there is one thing that is my forte in life, it is my knowledge and my passion for medical science.
Today, I called up a local college that I know is giving classes for medical assisting and the phone call couldn't have gone any better! The admin wants me in his office tomorrow at 3pm to set up my FAFSA and to get me enrolled for classes that start on the 27 of this month. That is two weeks away from now! TWO WEEKS!
I really can not wait and I hope that this will lead me in the right direction. I really want to work in the medical field and I really want to be able to afford nice things and to make sure that I can hep take care of my Master and our children. I want my family to have the most comfortable life possible. I really am praying hard that this will solve most of my life problems. Just.. I really need this to work.
I'm ready for this step, I'm ready to be more responsible of the things going on in my life. I'm ready to study my ass off, get as close to perfect grades possible, and I'm ready to put forth 120% of my effort to get myself somewhere in life.
More updates will be made tomorrow, hopefully, on what is about to happen. Please God, help me with this change and help me make this possible!
~*~Kitty~*~
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Summer Nights
Last night was possibly one of the best nights I have had in a while. I got to go swimming with Master, a few of his family members, and a friend of ours we haven't seen in a few months. What made this better was that said friend had been really stressed lately over various things happening in her life, and one of the things she said to me was that she needed this. She needed to be in the pool relaxing with friends and that it was a good stress reliever. Lots of laughs were had, she never once seemed to frown, we got caught up a bit, and it was just nice seeing that she was happy. (I really do care about all of my friends. You have NO idea how much I love each and every one of my friends and what I'd do to make sure they are happy. Seriously, my friends are like family to me).
It brought a smile to my face, knowing that she was able to finally relax and have fun and not worry about anything. She deserved it, and I'm very happy for her.
What really topped my night off, though was the quiet time that Maser and I were having last night. For those who are reading this, and are not in the Huntington area, last night was a beautiful summer night, for sure. It was warm, the fire flies were lighting up all around us, the stars were out twinkling in the clear evening sky and it just felt amazing to be out in that atmosphere.
We sat outside of my house staring up at the sky and just talking about our past. How we met, the feelings and thoughts we had, even our first "date" that we denied forever was really not a date. (It totally was a date). Funny part, last night was pretty much just like the first time we ever hung out together by ourselves. Clear night sky, warm temperatures, the feeling of calm was in the air, and it just sends my heart fluttering like there is no tomorrow.
I had been dealing with an ass-hat of a bf at the time, and with Master knowing that (Of course at the time, Master and I were just friends) he decided that we should hang out together one evening. Go see a movie and just hang out and have fun.
I did not regret it.
It was one of the best days I had all summer long, no lie. We went and saw The Dark Knight in theaters, ran into some friends, and just ran around downtown all evening long. After the sun had set, and all the street lights were on, He had decided to randomly show me his favorite spot in the city. Little did I know at the time that we would end up at the top of a parking garage, but once I found out about it, I don't know what caused me to do this, but I hid my fear of heights from Him. We made our way to the top, the wind was blowing gently, and we were just high enough to see most of the city from there. It was beautiful. It was like I had never seen downtown Huntington before.
I remember looking over the ledge and suddenly feeling dizzy, at which I turned to Him saying "I know this is probably a bad time to say this, but I'm terrified of heights, and I'm feeling weak in the knees and dizzy. I think we need to leave now." He ended up helping me down the stairs till we reached the elevator in which we were still holding hands in the elevator.
This sounds silly, but it was just like in the movies. There was a connection there, we still had our hands locked together without realizing it, and when we did it was one of those blushy moments where we awkwardly say we're sorry and look away from each other. It was.. cute...
I knew I had a boy friend at the time, but due to the fact that he treated me so poorly in our relationship, I almost didn't care that had just happened. I had someone, a friend, who treated me well, who was extremely nice to me, not to mention really cute, and despite we were supposed to be hanging out as friends (and I had plenty of money on me), He refused to let me pay for movie tickets, dinner, and made sure I was enjoying myself without thinking of Himself at all.
Dude.. it was totally a date without us even trying. I mean really.. that never happens to me.
At any rate, it was just nice talking about it last night and talking about all those little feelings we got, and honestly, from the first time I had ever met Him, well before we ever hung out like that, (about two years to be precise) I knew there was something about Him. I always had some sort of feeling about Him, but I never understood it until now. I think somewhere in the back f my mind, God was probably hinting that I would be with this man and that I should be patient. I didn't get it at the time, but I really do think I was getting sent subliminal messages.
I've never been more thankful in my life.
Well, that is the daily mush. Hope you enjoyed. Haha
~*~Kitty~*~
P.S. All of what I typed up there, is the reason I love summer nights so much. You have no idea how much they mean to me and how happy they make me. I live for summer nights.
It brought a smile to my face, knowing that she was able to finally relax and have fun and not worry about anything. She deserved it, and I'm very happy for her.
What really topped my night off, though was the quiet time that Maser and I were having last night. For those who are reading this, and are not in the Huntington area, last night was a beautiful summer night, for sure. It was warm, the fire flies were lighting up all around us, the stars were out twinkling in the clear evening sky and it just felt amazing to be out in that atmosphere.
We sat outside of my house staring up at the sky and just talking about our past. How we met, the feelings and thoughts we had, even our first "date" that we denied forever was really not a date. (It totally was a date). Funny part, last night was pretty much just like the first time we ever hung out together by ourselves. Clear night sky, warm temperatures, the feeling of calm was in the air, and it just sends my heart fluttering like there is no tomorrow.
I had been dealing with an ass-hat of a bf at the time, and with Master knowing that (Of course at the time, Master and I were just friends) he decided that we should hang out together one evening. Go see a movie and just hang out and have fun.
I did not regret it.
It was one of the best days I had all summer long, no lie. We went and saw The Dark Knight in theaters, ran into some friends, and just ran around downtown all evening long. After the sun had set, and all the street lights were on, He had decided to randomly show me his favorite spot in the city. Little did I know at the time that we would end up at the top of a parking garage, but once I found out about it, I don't know what caused me to do this, but I hid my fear of heights from Him. We made our way to the top, the wind was blowing gently, and we were just high enough to see most of the city from there. It was beautiful. It was like I had never seen downtown Huntington before.
I remember looking over the ledge and suddenly feeling dizzy, at which I turned to Him saying "I know this is probably a bad time to say this, but I'm terrified of heights, and I'm feeling weak in the knees and dizzy. I think we need to leave now." He ended up helping me down the stairs till we reached the elevator in which we were still holding hands in the elevator.
This sounds silly, but it was just like in the movies. There was a connection there, we still had our hands locked together without realizing it, and when we did it was one of those blushy moments where we awkwardly say we're sorry and look away from each other. It was.. cute...
I knew I had a boy friend at the time, but due to the fact that he treated me so poorly in our relationship, I almost didn't care that had just happened. I had someone, a friend, who treated me well, who was extremely nice to me, not to mention really cute, and despite we were supposed to be hanging out as friends (and I had plenty of money on me), He refused to let me pay for movie tickets, dinner, and made sure I was enjoying myself without thinking of Himself at all.
Dude.. it was totally a date without us even trying. I mean really.. that never happens to me.
At any rate, it was just nice talking about it last night and talking about all those little feelings we got, and honestly, from the first time I had ever met Him, well before we ever hung out like that, (about two years to be precise) I knew there was something about Him. I always had some sort of feeling about Him, but I never understood it until now. I think somewhere in the back f my mind, God was probably hinting that I would be with this man and that I should be patient. I didn't get it at the time, but I really do think I was getting sent subliminal messages.
I've never been more thankful in my life.
Well, that is the daily mush. Hope you enjoyed. Haha
~*~Kitty~*~
P.S. All of what I typed up there, is the reason I love summer nights so much. You have no idea how much they mean to me and how happy they make me. I live for summer nights.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Exposed and Embarrassed
Well... shit kind of went down today, and maybe because this happened to me, I feel like it's more awful than it really is, but in all honesty, this is a little nerve wrecking for me. I'm going to do my best to not blow this out of proportion, but I will be (as usual) typing this out from my point of view.
To be as straight forward about this, one of my friends and his friends found my fet life profile today. Said friend of mine does not have a profile on there, but his friend does. Needless to say, I was shocked and worried. My friend told another friend of ours about this (just said that he found some odd pictures of myself and Master on there, but didn't describe them to him as anything else other than "once you see it, it can't be unseen").
I freaked out.
I immediately jumped into action and started deleting photo's on my account that were on the risky side, and took off almost every single photo on my Masters' account as well.
Eventually I got a hold of said friend and we talked about what he saw, and turns out he wasn't as freaked out about it as what I thought he was. He said he didn't hate me, that he didn't lose any respect for me as it was my business and not his, and that it was mainly a shock factor that Master and I were even into the sort of things that were posted.
One of the things he said to me was that he found himself asking questions like "Wouldn't that hurt?" or "how did they do that?" And stuff like that. Also, said friend and his girl friend are on the kinky side and have done similar things (minus the anal beads! Haha!) so that was a shock factor for me.
Now, this part I'm going to post for Angel, because I know she was concerned about this and seemed a little upset, if so, I understand and I didn't blame her.
Back up to when I said that he talked to my other guy friend about it. At first, this had me REALLY worried and a bit on the upset side, but I kept my calm about that one thing in hopes that it wasn't nearly as bad as what I thought it was. I asked him why he went to my other friend about this and not to me first, and the answer I got was rather simple and reasonable.
He had no idea how to talk to me about it, and he knew my other friend has known about Master and I and parts of our relationship. I tell him everything because he's like a brother to me and I trust him that much. He figured the best way was through him because he figured that if he came to me about it that he'd seem like we was being a total creep about it and just didn't want to upset me.
We talked this out and made an agreement that if anything like this ever came up again, that he would come straight to me, no matter what.
I informed Master after He got off work and told Him everything that happened.
Luckily I remembered that there is a feature on there that I can select which photo's I want seen by friends only and by all who are on that site. So for anyone who is not friends with me, they'll never see those naughty photo's. Which means he won't be able to view my pictures ever again. Thank god for that.
Anyways yeah. That scare is done and over with and everything is okay now.
~*~Kitty~*~
To be as straight forward about this, one of my friends and his friends found my fet life profile today. Said friend of mine does not have a profile on there, but his friend does. Needless to say, I was shocked and worried. My friend told another friend of ours about this (just said that he found some odd pictures of myself and Master on there, but didn't describe them to him as anything else other than "once you see it, it can't be unseen").
I freaked out.
I immediately jumped into action and started deleting photo's on my account that were on the risky side, and took off almost every single photo on my Masters' account as well.
Eventually I got a hold of said friend and we talked about what he saw, and turns out he wasn't as freaked out about it as what I thought he was. He said he didn't hate me, that he didn't lose any respect for me as it was my business and not his, and that it was mainly a shock factor that Master and I were even into the sort of things that were posted.
One of the things he said to me was that he found himself asking questions like "Wouldn't that hurt?" or "how did they do that?" And stuff like that. Also, said friend and his girl friend are on the kinky side and have done similar things (minus the anal beads! Haha!) so that was a shock factor for me.
Now, this part I'm going to post for Angel, because I know she was concerned about this and seemed a little upset, if so, I understand and I didn't blame her.
Back up to when I said that he talked to my other guy friend about it. At first, this had me REALLY worried and a bit on the upset side, but I kept my calm about that one thing in hopes that it wasn't nearly as bad as what I thought it was. I asked him why he went to my other friend about this and not to me first, and the answer I got was rather simple and reasonable.
He had no idea how to talk to me about it, and he knew my other friend has known about Master and I and parts of our relationship. I tell him everything because he's like a brother to me and I trust him that much. He figured the best way was through him because he figured that if he came to me about it that he'd seem like we was being a total creep about it and just didn't want to upset me.
We talked this out and made an agreement that if anything like this ever came up again, that he would come straight to me, no matter what.
I informed Master after He got off work and told Him everything that happened.
Luckily I remembered that there is a feature on there that I can select which photo's I want seen by friends only and by all who are on that site. So for anyone who is not friends with me, they'll never see those naughty photo's. Which means he won't be able to view my pictures ever again. Thank god for that.
Anyways yeah. That scare is done and over with and everything is okay now.
~*~Kitty~*~
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Master Works!
Today is Master's very first day on the job. Thanks to His father, He got a job working with His dad at Mayne Framing. Master has worked there before, as in helped out when they were under staffed, but He was never really employed there. At least Master has it easy starting out and He knows what to do, for the most part. I'm really excited for Him and this brings us one step closer to getting a place of our own together.
Today, I'm going to try and make a dinner for Him so that when He gets home from work, He will have something delicious and hot to eat. I haven't quite decided on what I will make Him yet, but at least I have till 5pm today to figure that out. All I know is that He will more than likely be surprised and pleased. (He doesn't know I'm planning this).
Master is thinking of working somewhere else though, as the place He really wanted to be employed at called the other day and He wants to try and set up an interview with them. What ever decision He makes, I pray and hope that it all works out for Him.
I'm sure Master will have a great day though, as nothing really ever gets Him down, and He got a blow job from me right before He had to leave. ;D Hopefully it will be a "lucky blow job" and He'll be alright all day. Haha
Anyways, this was just a quick update. Till next time.
~*~Kitty~*~
Today, I'm going to try and make a dinner for Him so that when He gets home from work, He will have something delicious and hot to eat. I haven't quite decided on what I will make Him yet, but at least I have till 5pm today to figure that out. All I know is that He will more than likely be surprised and pleased. (He doesn't know I'm planning this).
Master is thinking of working somewhere else though, as the place He really wanted to be employed at called the other day and He wants to try and set up an interview with them. What ever decision He makes, I pray and hope that it all works out for Him.
I'm sure Master will have a great day though, as nothing really ever gets Him down, and He got a blow job from me right before He had to leave. ;D Hopefully it will be a "lucky blow job" and He'll be alright all day. Haha
Anyways, this was just a quick update. Till next time.
~*~Kitty~*~
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