Inspection

Today is inspection day. It is supposed to be once a week and was going to take place this past weekend, but due to me being sick, that had to take a back seat till today when we finally had some private time. I had never gone through inspection before now, so really, this is a whole new experience for me.

As soon as Master got home from class, we got something small to snack on and up the stairs we went. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up after stripping myself of all of my clothes. Suddenly, I felt completely nervous and self-conscious. It's not like Master has seen my naked body a million times by now, so I really don't know why I felt so nervous, but I did.

I walked into the hallway, holding myself with my arms and starring anywhere but at Master. It's almost disgraceful of me to do this, and I realize this now. I planted my torso flat against the wall in my Wall Receiving Position and readied myself for inspection. 

Masters hands gently glided along my body, and typically this would have relaxed me instantly, but I stayed rigid in my form against the wall and let Him do what He wanted to me. At one point, I felt Masters fingers slip past the lips of my cunt, touching me, and spread me open for Him to see. His hands moved back over my ass and He took the time to spread my ass cheeks to look at me there too. For some reason, this made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but I remained silent. I am His slave, His property, and He has every right to check me out and make sure I am up to His standards. 

He then ordered me into my Wall Respecting Position, so that He could see all of the front of me and inspect the front of my body, including my breasts and nipples. Again, His hands ran smoothly over my body. Starting at my breasts, down my stomach, past my legs to my feet.

Before I knew it, it was over almost as soon as we got started. Once Master was finished with me, I permitted my clothes again, and I was thankful. I'm not used to being on display like that for anyone, and that is exactly what it felt like: like I was on display for Master. Truly, I was.

I'm not sure what has gotten into me today, or why my nerves were as bad as they were, but I need to overcome my poor body image. Master loves me the way I am, and I should respect that. It shouldn't be my place to judge my body so poorly if Master loves it. Masters opinion should matter most. He knows what is best for me.

I just hope I can work on myself some more. I need to be comfortable for Master, not tense and nervous. That isn't the point of inspection; the point is to make sure I am clean and presentable for Master, and I need to be proud when I come out 100% in Masters eyes. Which luckily, I did this time. Master was pleased with my body, and that is what is most important.

~*~Anastassia~*~

Sick Again

I really don't know what happened this time around... I was feeling great yesterday all morning, then around 1:30 p.m. I started feeling nauseated out of nowhere. At first, I thought nothing of it. It was really hot outside and the sun was beating down on my stomach, and usually that makes me feel a little queasy, but it gradually got worse throughout the day and night. 

All day long I kept feeling like I was on the verge of throwing up, and every time I got that feeling my stomach would clench really hard and hurt. I tried everything I could think of to help my stomach. I took Tums, I took Pepto Bismol, I ate a slice of bread, I even ate crackers. Nothing. In fact, eating seemed to make it worse.

Needless to say I was miserable. I finally felt okay to go back home and when I got there, I was lucky to find the medication prescribed to me from when I was in the hospital back in April. Even better, they won't be expired till April of 2013. The medicine I was prescribed also causes drowsiness, so I was able to finally sleep. I did wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night, but when I woke up around 1:30 a.m. I noticed I was no longer feeling sick to my stomach, just exhausted.

Today I have been a lot better, but not 100% normal. I did feel some slight nausea at one point this morning, but I've been able to eat some, and I even ate some vegetable soup a little bit ago and my stomach doesn't seem to be rejecting it, so I think that is a good sign. Despite that, I've pretty much slept all day, trying to recuperate. 

I'm a little down because yesterday, Master and I were supposed to watch more Training of O and we had a lot of fun kinky stuff planned for this weekend, but I'm still feeling a little cruddy and there isn't much I can do when I feel like this. Maybe something will happen tomorrow if I'm feeling a lot better.

I just hate being sick. I don't take well to being sick, but the most struggling part of being sick is not being able to serve Master the way He needs and wants me too. I know He understands and He doesn't mind, but it really does bother me. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow and we can finally do some stuff tomorrow that will definitely be blog worthy. 

~*~Anastassia~*~

Kink, Sex, and Protocol

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New Stuff!!

Sorry to say that this post will not be very long, but I do want to show off the two new items we bought recently.

We bought a red candy apple ball gag and some pretty purple wrist cuffs with mini pad locks. =D

Funny story about the wrist cuffs though, when we first started tinkering with them, they would not fit right at all. They were extremely loose and just fell off my hands. We tried putting them around my ankles and they were really loose on my ankles as well. Turns out, there are three grooves so you can actually tighten them on the wrists. XD I thought we were going to have to return them, we were just using them wrong. Good thing that got settled!!

Enjoy.

~*~Anastassia~*~

Truly... I am Owned

Lately things have been extremely busy around here, which is why I have not had much time to make a post. I've been focusing more on my schooling and Master more than anything else this past month, and everything else has pretty much taken a back seat. 

I've been working more on serving Master and doing what He wants, rather than doing what I want. I've learned that I have been a far happier person with making Him happy, and it's felt nothing short of amazing. 

This past weekend was pretty awesome on its own. Usually I do not like the term "being used" but this has been something I have learned to accept and even come to love. Something about being used by Him has made me feel incredibly free. 

What has made me feel so appreciative over Him was the conversation we had the other morning. I am supposed to get my hair cut this Friday, and I have been feeling a little hesitant the past few days because He is going to be the one who pays for my hair cut. For most of our relationship, I have paid for everything I do, most of the time I paid for my food, and definitely paid for my haircuts. 

I had told Him I was feeling incredibly uncomfortable with this concept, and was thinking of cancelling my hair appointment. He asked why and I explained myself. I don't like the idea that He was using His money on me. (I recently had to quit my job because they had not given me any hours in 2 months. I was sick of the place anyways). What he said next kind of caught me off guard, but instantly put me in the best head space ever. 

He spoke "Well, you are my slave, my property, and I want to pay for that hair cut. Since you are my property, I am going to do what I want to do with you, and I'm going to pay for that hair appointment. Is that understood?" 

I couldn't help it. A smile crept across my face and I just replied with a simple "Yes, Sir." or maybe it was "Yes, Master." I forget now.. but for some reason that response from Him just made me melt in the passenger seat of His car. 

Perhaps it was they way He said it, but I truly felt owned the very second He said that. A huge part of me loves that I can finally feel comfortable with this. It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable with giving up my "rights" (so to speak) and give into His wishes, wants, and whims. 

For once, I feel okay. I feel happy that our relationship has ended up this way, and I have never felt more submissive to Him in my life. I think I'm finally understanding what it means to be happy by serving Him. One step at a time, I'm learning how free I can be by serving Him, and I've never felt better about myself.

~*~Anastassia~*~