Struggling

I'm not used to this.... Being weak all the time, and not feeling like eating. Two weeks ago walking up an down stairs was no feat, now it seems like it's possibly one of the hardest things in the world to accomplish. Lack of appetite is somewhat of a foreign thing to me too. I can barely get myself to want to eat anything, and when I finally get the urge to eat, my appetite seems to just diminish out of nowhere in the middle of a meal. 


It's frustrating.


I found out I lost 4 pounds in just the one week I was in the hospital, and I'm pretty sure that is loss of muscle mass/due to slight malnutrition. (I didn't really eat a lot in the hospital. I was too busy throwing up bile). So while I am technically "all better" I really don't feel like that because of the present problems I am facing.


Master and I have been trying to work on betting my strength back though, as well as my appetite. At this point, I kind of have to force myself to eat a little bit of something here and there throughout the day, even though I really don't feel like it. As for my strength, I've been walking around a lot more than usual (most of my weakness involves my legs, surprisingly) and I've been walking up and down His stairs as much as possible without making my legs cramp out. We also plan on doing yoga after I'm finished with this and my homework tonight, so maybe that will help limber me up a little and stretch out my muscles. 


I need the stimulation.


Going back to class, yesterday, was a little more than rough on me. My normally heavy backpack felt 50 times heavier to me, but I pushed through as well as I could. For the most part, my classes went well. I was forced to drop my Medical Office Management class because I missed so much material, the instructor felt there was no way I could catch up. (It's amazing what a person could miss in one week. Ugh). 


My other instructors (minus one) were willing to work with me and let me catch up on the material I missed. My Business Communications instructor, however didn't even give me much of a chance, let alone time to speak with her. She, like all of my other instructors, knew I was in the hospital, but when I asked if I could make up the two papers I missed out on, I basically got a hand to the face. I suggested talking about it after class, and she merely laughed and walked away. 


Awesome....


Class let out, and when I tried talking to her, another staff member came in and butted in the middle of me trying to get a hold of her, and again I was ignored. After talking with my parents about it, I've decided to try talking to her during office hours tomorrow before class, and if she blows me off again, I'm going to speak with someone higher up than her. 


I could understand if I willingly skipped class, but I was in the hospital under circumstances out of my control, and I think I deserve a chance to make up two measly papers. 


Alas, I need to finish the last of my makeup work and get to that yoga. Hope all is well with everyone else in the world. 


~*~Anastassia~*~

Still Alive and Finally Back Home

This week has been hell for me. For those of you who were unaware, I've been stuck in the hospital for the last week. 

I was originally admitted under the suspicion I may have had meningitis, something I was familiar with after dealing with it when I was 12. What started out as flu like symptoms slowly began to worsen, and they rushed me to the hospital in an ambulance. I was hooked up to oxygen because the doctor thought I was hyperventilating. 

They performed two spinal taps on me. First time was unsuccessful, so they had to take me to radiology to do it with x-rays. At least they got it right the second time around. We found out I was allergic to morphine, as it set my head on fire (not literally, but it felt like it) and I had these horrible itching break outs on my head that lead to inflammation and such. Fun times...

They ended up ruling out meningitis, only to find out the antibiotics they were pumping into me gave me a kidney infection of a sort in both of my kidneys. Fantastic. I ended up getting worse coming down with a bug that has been going on around here in the area that causes one to vomit and have horrible diarrhea. I'll spare you the details, but it was definitely not fun.

So on top of battling this kidney infection caused by the hospital, I was battling another sickness that left me feeling worse than before.

I obtained some awful news while in the hospital from Master, that His next door neighbor (who was like a grandfather to the both of us) passed away from lung cancer early Tuesday morning. So that knocked me for a loop as well.

During this hellish week, though, there was some amazing support given to me by Master, Angel, and Panda and a lot of other friends too. Angel and Panda visited often enough during my stay in the hospital, and they seemed to really perk me up when they were around. It was really nice having them there and knowing they loved and cared for me as much as they do. (Also, a huge thank you to Angel for all she has done, and thank you to those of you who were praying for me as well. It is highly appreciated).

Master stayed with me every single night I was there and only left when He had class or work, otherwise He was by my side the entire time. It was nice having Him around and knowing that He kept a promise He made to me a long time ago. Kind of ironic, I had asked Master probably over a year ago "If I were in the hospital, would you stay by my side and take care of me?" He had promised me he would, and He went above and beyond for me this week. I'm very thankful. 

I got discharged yesterday evening around 5ish and though I still felt a little sick, I couldn't wait to get home. Yesterday was the first day in about three days I was able to actually eat something and keep it down. I felt so much better being out of that damn hospital. For the first time in a week, I felt almost like myself.

Today, I'm doing a little better, I seem to be getting my appetite back, slowly but surely, and I haven't really felt all that nauseated. My back hurts, but Angel and I are thinking it may be because I was sleeping in that hospital bed for so long. I just hope the pain goes away. 

I mainly feel exhausted, right now. On top of having a splitting headache as I type this. 

I think I may try to eat something and get some Tylenol in my system and see if hat helps. Thank you to everyone for caring, and being there for me this week. 

Also, Bre, Captain Waddles is awesome, and he makes a wonderful pillow/cuddle buddy. Thank you. ^.^

~*~Anastassia~*~

Kitty Play and Slave Positions (Pictures)

Today, Master and I had the time to take a few pictures while engaged in a little kitty play. For those of you who don't know, I am a kitty girl, and quite often my kitty side comes out. Master brought out the laser pointer and well... enjoy. lol

Wearing the new body harness Master got for me. ^.^

Red dot! There it is again!

Get back here!

Why can;t I catch it?!

And now, for some slave positions we practiced today. ^.^

Sulu Position

Ko Lar Position

Leading Position

Obeisance *kissing* Position

Obeisance *licking* Position

Hope you all enjoyed these. ^.^

Evolution

This past week was the beginning of something that I feel will change my life forever. 

It all started out with Master conditioning me to have certain trigger words for certain things, and for helping me get rid of my fear of the dark. It's only been one week since this started, but I already feel a difference in the way I speak, act, walk, and even obey. Something feels different, but in a good way. 

I have felt more at peace with myself this past week than I have in what feels like my entire life, and I'm starting to feel more like the subservient person I should be to my Master. Typically, I am one to spout of angry, negative words, and I am easily a bitch. I disobey quite often, and I think I realized this 100% sometime last week. From that exact moment, I have been learning to speak without cussing as much, and using my words in a more effective way than using them in anger. I have also noticed that while I still have a LOT to improve on, I am starting to get better about my anxieties and I am starting to feel more at peace with myself.

Another thing that I have noticed is that when Master wants to have sex, and I don't, I never hesitate to deny Him of sex, and He usually doesn't push. On Saturday, however, He had been talking all day about wanting to have sex with me, and made some advances, to which I'd just kind of push Him away and say "Not now, Sir..." Eventually I felt almost guilty. 

Who am I, as Master's slave, property, and His whore, to deny Him of something such as sex? 

The moment this popped into my head, instantly I was turned on. The thought of me being His property, His personal whore, I felt in my place sexually. 

We went upstairs to the bedroom where we stripped down and laid down on the bed. Master began kissing and caressing me. Licking my thighs and teasingly licking at my cunt here and there. It was my whole body was electric, and all this energy was flowing between us. He teased my nipples with nipple suctions, and nibbled and sucked on them a little bit while He drove His fingers into my sopping wet cunt. My hips bucked into hand, and I began moaning, begging Him with my body to enter me and take advantage of me.

As He entered me, I felt the walls of my cunt clench around His engorged cock, and I stared deep into His eyes. Maybe it was the eye connection and the passion mixed into one, but I don't think I've ever orgasm'd the way I did that evening before. It just felt like we were two energy beings mixing our energies (No, this is not a body fluid metaphor. lol) and we were becoming one. My whole body was just surging like never before. I felt... complete.

Master and I spent a short time cuddling before we cleaned ourselves up and went back downstairs. I thought to myself last night... and even though it was sex, which is something I highly enjoy, it really feels like a switch has been turned on. It's not a longing for sex, but a longing to serve consistently and precise. Master has been working so hard with me lately on everything, and because of this I feel more devoted to Him, I could say. 

I have always wanted to please and serve Him, but after everything that has happened this past week, I more or less yearn to please and serve Him. I really feel as if I am evolving into this new woman...

~*~Anastassia~*~