Yesterday evening, Master and I were sitting here in my room and He brought up something that, not only caught me off guard, but it hadn't been brought up in months. A poly-amorous relationship. This is something Master and I have talked about for over a year, off and on, and was something that was talked about as a hypothetical situation. We were kind of serious about it, but not so serious that we would consider it right then and there. It was just a "what if" conversation that really didn't get too far.
Though this time, it was different. Master wanted to know more about my thoughts and feelings on this type of thing. So I thought about it for a bit and realized that I still am not really sure on my thoughts and feelings. I do know that right now, emotionally, I am no where near ready to move to this step IF Master and I ever decided do this. I still have a lot of insecurities to work out in myself in order to feel comfortable with not only owning my own pet or submissive, but be okay and accept the fact that they would be submitting to Master as well.
I know Master says that He would always put me first, because I came first in our relationship, and while that is nice and all, a part of me feels like.. well it isn't wrong, but it wouldn't be "fair". I'm the type of person who believes in equality, and even though I enjoy the thought of being number one, it just wouldn't be right, in my opinion, for Master to hold me above our pet.
Now... some of my biggest fears, which is what is mainly holding me back from this until I can work out my fears and get rid of them, is that Master would fall in love with the new addition to our relationship. To me, this is a VERY serious thought and I know that if it would happen (at this point in our lives) that I just couldn't handle it. The thought alone of Master even KISSING another person kills me a little on the inside.
Another fear I have is that in knowing that if I ever had a pet, and that she would also be Master's pet as well, is that she might out-do me (so to speak) in serving Master better than myself. Sure.. this sounds a little silly, but one of the biggest things I take pride in is serving Master, and if someone were to do a better job than I do.. I think it would probably cause a bit of jealousy to stir up in me.
These are the biggest and main reasons I know I am NO WHERE near ready for a relationship of this sort. Later on in the future, however, once I have matured some more and become more settled and happy with myself, this is something that I think I could do. I think once Master and I have stabled our lives in the future, maybe after we're married and have a place of our own and everything, that adding someone else to the picture might be possible, and I think I could do it then.
Does the thought of having my own pet right now get me a little excited and happy? Yes. Even now, the thought alone sounds nice. I just hope that if Master decides later on that this is something He'd like to pursue, that I will have the emotional strength to go through it as well..
Now one last thing to clear up, Master is not wanting another addition as of right now. This is something we discussed to basically just do that. Discuss it, which is pretty normal for us. Right now Master and I are doing well with just having one another, but the thought is there and maybe some day, we may put that idea into plan. We still are not sure yet, and wish to wait it out for a few more years.
Anyways, those are my thoughts and feelings on it. I hope that one day Master and I can try this, but for now, we will remain monogamous with one another.