Tuesday, January 31, 2012

30-Day BDSM Challenge: Day 1

Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

First off, I define myself as a slave, but for this particular question, I will go with submissive. As for what parts of BDSM that interest me, a lot of it does. Currently I am living an M/s lifestyle with my Master, but I do find other lifestyles within BDSM very interesting. I will admit not every lifestyle is for everyone. For example, some people find that the DD/lg (Daddy Dom/ little girl) lifestyle works best for them, but that would never work out for me or my Master. However, I do enjoy talking to people who live lifestyles like this and learning new things. ^.^

To me, being submissive means submitting oneself to a Master/Dominant. It means finding fulfillment in submitting to one's partner and serving them because it is was makes them happy. I serve my Master because I am a lot happier this way, plus seeing Him happy is also another huge plus for me, and we both benefit from it. I make His life easier, and I also reap rewards by seeing Him happy, and sometimes I actually DO get rewarded, depending on what I do. 

Again, this is my personal feelings towards being submissive to my Master. Some people may feel similar and others may not feel this way at all. That is just the purpose of submission with my relationship.


30-Day BDSM Challenge: An Introduction

A came across this blog challenge a little bit ago and I thought to myself: "Why not?" I had been trying to think of something to write lately anyways, so what better things to write about on a blog that is meant for kink and kink related things?! =D Whoever this woman is, I am thankful she shared this, and I am pretty excited to get started on it myself. ^.^

For those of you who, for some reason, can not get the link to work (though it works for me) I'm a copying and pasting directly from the link the 30 Day Challenge questions below. Feel free to do these yourselves! ^.^

The questions I will be answering are:
  • Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
  • List your kinks.
  • How did you discover you were kinky?
  • Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
  • What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
  • Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
  • What’s your favorite toy?
  • Post a kinky image you find erotic.
  • Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
  • What are your hard limits?
  • What are your views on the ethics of kink?
  • Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
  • Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
  • How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
  • Write about a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
  • What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
  • What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
  • Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?
  • Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?
  • Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
  • Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
  • What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
  • Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed?  How so?
  • What qualities do you look for in a partner?
  • How open are you about your kinks?
  • What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
  • Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
  • How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?
  • Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
  • Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
Stay tuned for my first entry! ^.^


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Re-establishing Dominance

Last night was the first night in weeks that Master and I were actually able to spend time alone in an empty house. Masters parents are out of town this weekend, so we have the place to ourselves. Lately we have been trying to work things out in our relationship, which also included less moments of me getting away with things when it is necessary for punishment. 

I had mentioned to Master last night that we should talk about progress, and He suddenly ordered me to take off my pants. Reluctantly, I did so and stretched myself out on the bed with my bottom facing up. He rummaged around in the closet for a short while and came out with the cane. Upon seeing it, my heart sunk. I hate the cane because it is typically used for one thing, which is punishment, and it hurts really bad. 

"Today while Mike was over earlier you cussed 22 times alone."

I tried protesting it, but that failed to get me anywhere, really. Instead I got swatted on my bottom several times with the cane. After the second swat, it started hurting pretty bad, but despite the pain, I kind of wanted it to hurt and I wanted Him to hit me a little harder. He stopped after several hard thwacks and said:

"Last weekend, you punched me in the stomach."

"I said I was sorry for that! It wasn't on purpose!"

"I know, and that is good, but you still need to be taught a lesson. Also, you forgot to ask permission to sit down several times today."

He began hitting my already sore bottom again. I honestly have no idea how many times He hit me with the cane last night, but I'm sure it was well over 30 times. After administering punishment, He leaned over and spoke into my ear 

"Now, are you sorry for the things you've done?"

"Yes... Sir.." I managed to quietly speak out.

"I want to hear in a full sentence what you are sorry for."

It took me a second, but I finally spoke back, "I'm sorry for cussing, punching you in the stomach, and for sitting down without asking for permission...."

Silence. I knew what He was waiting to hear so I spoke again. ".. Sir."

"Good girl." 

For a while I laid on the bed, bottom still exposed, and relaxed while Master ran His fingers over the welts that formed from the punishment I just endured. For some reason, when Master takes control, even if He has punished me, I get really turned on by it, and suddenly I was wanting His cock more than ever. I raised my hips off the bed, pushing myself closer to Master, in hopes He would try to take advantage of me. At first, it seemed like He was ignoring me, but finally He dipped one of His fingers into my soaking wet cunt, and I arched my back a little. He toyed with me for a little bit before we finally ended up having sex.

We took a little break to get some dinner and let our stomachs settle. Shortly after dinner we got ourselves in the shower. I always enjoy taking showers with Master, even if I don't always act like it. Even better, I love when we get to clean one another, though I think Master enjoys cleaning me off more than anything, considering every time He cleans my cunt, He always takes time to toy with my clit and such. I think He just likes playing with me, period. Another thing He really seems to love is blow jobs while in the shower as well. It was so pleasing to hear His moans, and I loved the praise I received from Him as well...

"You know you're an adorable little cock sucker, right?"

Things like that make me so happy. ^.^ 

After the shower, we came back to His room where we spent tangled up in one another. Master remained in control all night last night, and He even forced me to have several orgasms that made it very difficult for me to stand up. One thing is for sure, I think my clit is bruised from all the "abuse" that I was forced to endure. Hahahaha... Worth it. 

Plus, Master is training me to cum when He says a certain word. This sort of thing takes time, but I think it's going pretty well. ^.^ Sure lots of things that happened last night were sexual, but throughout the day, Master has definitely been showing that He is trying really hard to maintain that balance. Even today He still seems to be in this mood, which I am perfectly fine with, I only hope that this weekend continues to go well. 

Hope everyone has a fun weekend too.


For Angel

So there's this girl... who is possibly one of the sweetest girls I know. She knows how to make me smile, and she is someone who I have no troubles confiding in. She's really smart, and she tries her best to be caring and supportive. I know I say this a lot about her, and I also say that I'm really lucky to have her, but I feel that is nothing short of the truth.

Over the past couple of years, we've had our friendship blossom into something quite beautiful.


Look. Words can mean nothing, and everything at the same time. I'm not great with being poetic or anything like that. Just... I love her. Not like I love my Master, but I do love her. She makes me really happy, and I want to do everything in my power to make sure she lives a happy life. I hate when she's sick, and I wish there were ways I could take care of her. 

There are days when I just can't help but think of her. Not in an obsessive way, but I just can't help but be reminded of her sometimes. Words really can not express... And I have a hard time talking about feelings like this without making myself sound obsessive, creepy, or anything else similar to that. In fact, part of me is kind of scared to type all of this up because I'm afraid she will think it weird of me. 

I love her. Simple as that.I'm sorry that I am not well with words, and I'm sure she was expecting more, but I don't really know how else to say it. I just hope she won't think I'm crazy or weird or something. 


Friday, January 20, 2012

Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: Movie Review

ATTENTION!: If you have not already seen this movie, and don't want it ruined for you, I advise you to not read any further. This not only contains my personal opinions and feelings on this movie (which me making a review should tell you all something, since I NEVER review things) but of course it contains a plethora of spoilers and such. Now that I have warned my readers, to those of you who read past this, be prepared for an onslaught of brought up emotions because of this movie that I will (hopefully) never have to speak of or feel ever again.

*Breathes* Here we go.

Before I go into details and such of this movie, I first want to state that all in all this was an entertaining movie, and I enjoyed it as well as one could enjoy this movie. It's rated R, but to those of you reading this that have teenage kids right about now, and maybe you let them see an R rated movie every now and then because it's "not that bad", I am begging you to please make them wait till they are at least 18 to see this movie. Really, I can not stress this enough. Also, the books, I hear, are far more graphic. (I'll be finding out soon enough because I now own all three books of this series, thanks to my mother, and I will be taking the time to read them). This movie is a powerful one, in my opinion, and brought out some of the worst emotions I think I have ever felt in my life.

The movie starts off with an old man who receives a package in the mail. It is a picture of a plant. The movie opens up into intro credits, and I've got to admit, I was hooked right then. The music is nuts and the graphics are just outrageously artistic and somewhat erotic. I will spare the biggest portion of details, because I really don't want to ruin the entire freaking movie, in case some of you just can't help but read, even though you haven't seen it yet.

The main reason I am writing this entry is because of certain events that took place within this movie that struck such a nerve within me, I literally nearly jumped out of my seat and left the theater. What I am about to talk about next, may not be a huge deal to some of you, but to me it is something that has almost always plagued my thoughts at some point or another because of my own past experiences.

One of the main characters of this movie, who I feel is quite the heroine, is Elizabeth. She is a young girl who has nothing short of a troubled life. Tattoos and various piercings decorated her body, and she bore a strange haircut unlike anything I've ever seen. I was immediately drawn to her the moment I saw her. Something about her intrigued me, and I wanted to know more. Needless to say, I did learn more, and even though this girl was technically a fictional character, she reminded me of something of my not so distant past. 

A man (Bjurman) was later introduced, who she went to for financial help. When he is first on screen, you kind of get the feeling this guy isn't such a good man, but that he is more of a protagonist in such a way because he taunts Elizabeth for the way she looks and the things she has done in her past. From first appearance, you wouldn't think he was more than an asshole at best. But not too long after his first entrance (actually in the same scene if I recall correctly) his true colors show nearly instantly, and he is truly a hideous man. 

Elizabeth asks for money, because she needs it. He then basically tells her that if she does a "favor" for him, he'll hand the money over to her. Okay, so what? Is he going to have her get the dirty scoop on someone he doesn't like? Nope.. Instead, he orders her to unzip his pants, then pretty much forces her to suck him off. The next scene follows in which she is washing her mouth out in the sink, followed by puking up what one can only assume is the semen she was forced to swallow.

That alone, kind of pissed me off, but I figured that was the worst of it, and continued to watch the movie in peace. Later on, though, you see Elizabeth calling him, saying she needs more money, and he invites her to his house. She agree's to come over and the immediate thought is "Yes! Payback time! She's going to stick it to him."

Wrong again.

She enter's his place and offers her to his bed room. She makes some joke asking if she has to give him a blow job every time she asks for money so she may get food. She sets her bag down in a chair, and I really don't think much of it. He then grabs her by the hand and latches a hand cuff around her wrist in a fast motion. This... this is where shit goes down hill for her, and you can tell immediately. She tries to scramble away, but being the fat huge guy he is, he wrestles her down, and she gets knocked unconscious. 

You then see her wake back up, to realize just as she is taking notice as well, that she is strapped down to the bed on her stomach. Wrists and ankles both bound with chains and heavy duty restraints. You also see this pathetic excuse for a man forcing her shirt up, and ripping her pants down and panties off. He then proceeds to undo his own pants, mind you she is screaming the entire time and writhing violently trying to break the bonds that are holding her down. Obviously not succeeding... He of course climbs on top of her and (get this shit) puts a condom on before raping her in possibly on of the most graphic rape scenes I think I have ever witnessed on the big screen.

He ends up bruising her and after he is done with her, hands her a check for ten thousand dollars and she takes her leave.

This.. brings me to my main point of this entry. The entire time I watched that scene unfurl, I felt sick to my stomach, and I felt a rage build inside me that made me want scream louder than I've ever screamed before, hit something harder than I've ever hit before, and most of all, I wanted get up, leave the theater and cry my eyes out.

Don't get me wrong, I've never been raped before, but I have friends who have, and I myself (as I've mentioned before) have been molested, which is getting too close for comfort as it is. I think the main reason this particular scene enraged me nearly as bad as it did, is because of how realistic it was, and how horrifyingly close it got to my worst fear of a rape scenario... ever.... Plus, I've never really been able to handle a rape scene in movies before. And this is probably why.

Also the author of this trilogy wrote this series in order to portray violence against women because it was a way to cope with the fact that he had witnessed a woman name Lisbeth get raped and he didn't to anything about it. That was something that haunted him his entire life, thus the reason he made these books. He was trying to show us in the best way how awful rape can truly be, and it is meant to bring out such emotions I felt tonight. I am kind of sickened, but impressed by this.

At any rate, Elizabeth gets her revenge later on, and tazes him in his own place on the throat, and when he comes to, his room is torn apart and he is strapped to the floor on his back and his mouth gagged. Elizabeth is of course dressed in black, like she is 97% of the movie, and she turns on the tv in front of them to show that she video taped the whole thing. Him raping her. She played it for him as she interrogated him, and shoved a thick metal rod up his ass. She then tazed the rod, shooting electricity into his body. I literally cheered with joy and anger. She also brought a needle gun, like artists use when giving a person a tattoo, and carved into his chest and stomach "I AM A RAPIST PIG". Not going to lie. I was thrilled when this happen. I do think she should have killed him though, but for the rest of the movie, she threatens him and keeps him scared and he never tries touching her again.

Thank. Fucking. God.

Anyways, the rest of the movie had a few sex scenes, not rape, thankfully. Rape was mentioned a LOT in the movie and justice was brought down like a sweet blanket of warmth. The movie was great when I don't think about what really sparked these awful thoughts and emotions I've had for the last couple of hours. Honestly, I'm glad I blogged about this, because it was seriously bothering me. Really... really bothering.

Anyways, hope I didn't piss some of you off. If you watch the movie, you have been warned. If you feel like striking up a conversation with me here in the comment section, or sending me an email, please feel free. Hope everyone has a great weekend.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

News and Updates

Things have been boring, kink wise lately, and that really kind of sucks since I enjoy all things kink, but it's given Master and I some time to see an old friend or two, and spend some time with them. I don't know if any of you remember me talking about Hannah, but we are back to being friends again, and the last three days were pretty much spent with her. It was pretty awesome. In fact, it was like we never fought at all. We were back to being our silly selves with one another almost instantly, and this weekend was filled with laughter and such.

Definitely great seeing her again.

Master hasn't really been very dominate lately, so I'm not sure what is going on with that. I've been trying to keep things like that to myself because I don't want to upset Him. Maybe if I'm patient He'll do something on His own.. I don't know. 

I'm a little worried He has forgotten again, mainly because of past experiences and what-not. He doesn't really talk to me about anything concerning His dominance and it is something that we really should address, but I'll just give it some more time. Maybe I'll get lucky and He's been just trying to think of things or something... *sigh*... or perhaps I'm convincing myself. To be honest, I have very little faith because of all the times He's told me He'll try, and He just forgets. I'm really finding it hard to have faith in Him with this... and it upsets me...

I went to the mall on Sunday with Master and Hannah, and Hannah had been telling me all day Saturday that she thought my boobs were a lot larger. I told her there was no way, and that I only wear a 40C in bra size. For some reason, she wasn't convinced. So while we were at the mall, we stopped in at Victoria's Secret to get me sized, and sure enough, she was right. I am a between a 38DD and a 40DD. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?! So that was definitely interesting. She had a smug grin on her face the whole time and all she said at first was "You're welcome." Still makes me laugh a little.

I haven't been able to see Angel or Panda for the last couple of weeks now because of their health issues, so nothing really has been going on in that department. Kind of a bummer really, but shit happens, I suppose... I just hope they get to feeling better soon. I really miss them and wish I could see them more often. Only time will tell.

Hannah is taking courses to become a Dietitian, so she has been helping me lately with learning what things I should and should not eat, found out the right amount of calorie intake I actually need every day, and has helped me with a food course of what I need to eat daily and how much of it. It's pretty darn cool having an up coming Dietitian as a friend. She also has started in on me about being more healthy, so it's cool having a friend who cares enough to get onto me when she thinks I'm slacking. This should be fun.

I've been feeling really submissive lately, but I don't think Master has really taken notice. Then again, I don;t know...

I'm sorry.. my post is all over the place. I keep jumping back and forth between subjects and crap. This is how my thought process is on most days, which is probably why I don't blog a lot. In fact, I have been contemplating getting rid of this blog. Whether or not I would actually start over is another thing. I don't know. Master insists I don't do it, and that is probably the main reason I haven't done it yet. 

Anyways, I'm ending this post. 


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Some Questions/Praise To My Readers

I know I talk a LOT about myself and my life, but I'm started to feel a little selfish. I realized I never really stopped to ask what you, my readers, would like to know from me.

So what would you all like to know or see me talk about?

Are there things you want me to blog less about?

What do you feel I should change to possibly make this blog a little more fun, intersting and enjoyable?

Should I not change anything at all?

Give me some reviews and tell me what you all think. While I do love talking about random things, and post stuff as I feel like it, I also want to appeal more to my readers, and I happen to want to know what they like to see the most about my blog, and what things they would like to see/not see more of. 

So please, feel free to comment below and give me your honest thoughts. I can handle constructive criticism, so have at it.

Thanks for reading, and thank you all for following me for as long as what you all have. I really appreciate each and every one of you, and I appreciate that you take a little time out of your lives to just do something as simple as read what I have to say, even if you all don't comment. ^.^ You all have been great to me. Thank you so much.


Things Are Finally Looking Better.

At the beginning of this week, things were not looking so hot between Master and I. Lots of raw emotions and harsh things were said, but after we spent some time together on Tuesday afternoon, we got to talk things out in private. We both pointed out things we wanted the other person to improve on, and I think Master had more to take in than what I did. He stayed silent while I spoke out my concerns, and I really couldn't tell what He was thinking. 

I finally begged Him to speak up, and when He did, He said the main reason He wasn't saying anything was because all He wanted to do was deny everything I was saying, even though He knew those were things He really did need to work on. At that moment, I felt guilt hit, and I wanted to say I was sorry and just let it go, but I knew that these were things we really needed to discuss, get out, and fix. He said a couple things about me that He thought needed changing, and I have to agree. Granted, I was not happy about it either. 

After we got that out of our systems, things were kind of awkwardly quiet for a little while. We ended up lying down together and looked at one another. I ended up taking my clothes off, because I was burning up, and actually planned on taking a nap (I enjoy sleeping naked. This wasn't for sexual reasons). Master looked at me and told me how beautiful I was, and that He loved my eyes. 

What happened next was rather unexpected. He started kissing me, and it was like we had never kissed before. It felt like every pent up emotion was flowing away. He climbed on top of me, still kissing me, and telling me how me He loved me. The passionate kiss turned into sex, but it wasn't like the typical sex we have where it's rough and we're literally trying to get one another off. It was sweet, loving, and tender. Definitely something we both needed.

After we finished, it was like we had never fought to begin with. We were smiling, telling one another how much we loved each other, and most of all, we were happy. I know most people think it's odd, but sometime a little bit of sex can actually make a bad situation into a good one. Make up sex is great. I always feel closer to Master when that happens.

We are doing a lot better today, and we haven't fought since. In fact, it's almost like it stirred up a new passion between us, because it kind of feels like we can't keep our hands off one another. Plus, Master and I have both started working on the things we talked about, so there hasn't been any issues. 

Over the past couple of weeks, my cussing has gotten bad again, so that is one major thing that Master is focusing on right now. He told me a couple weeks ago I had dropped the "F-bomb" multiple times in one day, and I never really realized it. So He wants me to work on it and get back to me cussing hardly at all (if ever) again. 

In other news, I think I mentioned a few posts back that my digestive system has been giving me loads of trouble, mainly over the last couple of years, but it's been worse for the last few months. I now have been experiencing bouts of severe nausea, abdominal discomfort, and other nasty things that I'm sure you all don't want to read about. It literally feels like my digestive system is nothing short of a wreck. 

The good news, I've cut out all greasy and acidic foods out of my diet now, and I have started taking probiotics, which are great for digestive health. (Yay for research). Today is day two on them, and I have also started taking my multivitamins and supplements again to help with overall health. I haven't been sick since before this past weekend, and I haven't really been having any bowel issues either. So that is great news for me. My nausea has seemed to disappeared as well, for now, so I'm hoping things keep looking up for me and I am hoping that with better dieting, these probiotics, supplements, and exercise I can finally maintain regularity again. That'd be great.

I also started taking a vitamin B12 supplement as well, because it helps with fatigue, circulation, memory and such. Which I have also been having issues with for some time now. Yes, I know, I am taking a LOT of supplements/vitamins (actually only two supplements, one multivitamin, and the probiotic), but I did my research before starting them, and it is okay that I am taking what I'm taking. I am not a fan of taking pills or anything, so I wouldn't take it if I didn't think it wouldn't help. Trust me on that. All of the things I am taking are safe to take with each other, especially if I take them with food and a glass of water. (Directions on all of them). So I'm playing it safe. My body is not healthy one bit, so I'm hoping this will give me a boost in the right direction. Putting healthy things in the body really shouldn't be an issue. ^.^

Speaking of healthy, Master thinks I have started losing weight. I really don't feel like I am, but maybe I am, and I just don't realize it yet. I don't know. I'm not one to weigh myself every day. In fact, I only plan to weigh myself once a month, and I still have a few weeks to go before I need to weigh myself in again. End of January. So here in a couple weeks, I guess we will be finding out if I really AM losing that weight. I hope so. >.<;

I am hoping by the time summer hits, I'll have lost at the very least, 30 pounds. I'm actually pushing for 50, but if I make it to that 30 lb weight loss mark, I will definitely be happy. Plus I'm sure if I do, it will help motivate me to keep losing weight, and to work out. I actually have started lifting weights (light. 5-10 lbs) and lifting those little barbells while walking on a treadmill. Whoa.. that really can be a work out. Especially if you have no muscle mass in your arms like me. Haha So I'm hoping to gain some upper body strength too in order to compensate for all the muscle mass I have in my legs. Seriously, my legs are like 85% muscle. I do have some fat on my legs, but I have way more muscle than I do fat. 

Anyways, enough of me being all health freak talk and what-not. (Kind of odd for me, I never talk like this). It's about time I hop off here and get to work on looking up some information for Master, do my homework, and get ready to do a little work out later. 

Wish me luck on my improvements and stuff!


P.S. Please keep Angel and Panda in your prayers, even if you have no idea who I am talking about. Angel has been really sick these past few months, and nothing seems to be working. Panda has recently started having really bad migraines out of nowhere. Please keep them in your thoughts. I really hope they find out what is going on so they may start feeling better and healthier again. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Redefining What Being A slave Means To Me

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but lately it seems my relationship with Master has been having more downs than ups. For the last two nights we have done almost nothing but fought, and that is not normal for us. Last night, Master threatened to take my collar away again, and I was told that I am basically not being compliant. For a second there, I almost thought He was going to say I was not worthy for the collar or for Him to be my Master. I honestly thought He was going to say that by the look in His eyes. Being as angry as I was at that moment, I almost said I didn't care, but I just kept my mouth shut. 

To be honest, a part of me didn't care, but I think that was just me being stubborn, because if He had taken it away, I'd probably be really upset right about now. Instead, He placed the collar around my neck and I haven't taken it off since. I really don't know what is going to happen to us, or if anything will happen at all, but apparently Master is going to go through some "changes" and said that I need to change too. I had told Him "Forgive me if I don't believe you."

One of our main problems is that He says He going to do something, and doesn't necessarily stick with it. So it is really hard for me to believe Him sometimes when He says He is going to do something differently. I guess only time will tell. Not all of this is His fault. I have some spots to blame on as well, and He is right, I have been fighting Him here and there. It's really hard for me to submit to someone who doesn't necessarily assert their dominance. I hate to say it, but sometimes I feel like I could be a better Dom than He can. 

Master and I still have lots to learn when it comes to this lifestyle, and we still have lots of growing up to do. I just really hope we figure something out that actually works for us. This re-evaluating stuff is getting on my nerves. *sigh*

I'm really confused, heart broken and depressed over all of this. It just feels like every time we get something right, something else goes wrong. When is there ever going to be a happy median? At any rate, it seems I have a lot to think about, and we have lots to discuss. Master should be here any minute now, and I want to be ready to talk to Him. I'll make another post later when I find out what is going to happen to us and what-not. 


Monday, January 9, 2012

100 Questions. Just To Pass Time

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
   1: The People's Elbow - Attack! Attack!
   2: Hey Mrs. [Glamour Puss Mix] - I Monster
   3: Tell Her Tonight - Franz Ferdinand
   4: Learn To Fly - Foo Fighters
   5: It Had To Be Unitology - Dead Space 2 Soundtrack
   6: Rock Lobster - B-52's 

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
   Trent Reznor of NIN

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
   "He... Robert?... he doesn't really want to change, does he?"

4) What do you think about most?
   Lots of things, but recently I've been thinking more of the future with Master. Having kids and what-not.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
   "Ok." (Wow.. how boring. lol)

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

7) What's your strangest talent?
   I have been known to arouse people with my singing. Don't know if that is really talent or maybe they have a fetish or something. Haha...

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
   Girls can be way too materialistic; Boys can be the same.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
   Actually, yes. A couple to be honest.

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
   Probably a couple months ago, and pretty sure I shredded hard. Haha 

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
   I have a fear of a spirit getting attached to me, if that counts. What frightens me more is finding out what is in that level of unconsciousness... Like.. what darkness lies there. 

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
   Ew.. no.

13) What's your religion?
   I don't really have a specified religion. I believe there is a God, a Heaven and a Hell. I believe demons and angels exist, but I am not Christian or anything else relating to such.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
   Day dreaming, skateboarding, or going for a walk.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
   This is a 50/50 thing for me. I LOVE taking pictures, but I can be a bit of a camera whore sometime.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
   Oh god.. I don't know... It's a four-way tie between Foo Fighters, Kamelot, Franz Ferdinand, and Nine Inch Nails.

17) What was the last lie you told?
   I told Master I was "okay" when something was actually upsetting me.

18) Do you believe in karma?

19) What does your blog title mean?
   To be simple, my curiosity has helped me out in more situations than it did getting me into trouble.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
   Greatest Weakness: Kitties (Seriously, I catch sight of a cat/kitten, I melt and become this completely different person.
Greatest Strength: I'm very strong willed. My determination will get me anywhere I want to be.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
   The most obvious one would be Johnny Depp, but I'll go with Stewart Townsend. I mean.. he is HOT.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

23) How do you vent your anger?
   Depends on my level of "anger." Sometimes I scream and cry. Other times I won't even make a sound. (Typically, if I am quiet, that is when I'm most angry, and that is the best time to leave me alone and let me calm down).

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
   Books, manga's, music, stones and crystals, and incense.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
   Video chatting.

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
   For the most part, but there is still more room for improvement.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
   Sound I hate: 50/50 tie between people chewing gum with their mouths open, and nails on a chalkboard. 
Sound I love: A kitten's mew. (The one thing I miss the most is when Bear was around. He'd always meow at me and talk to me).

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
   What if I had grown up in a great home and not a broken up one?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
   I believe in both, but I have some doubts about aliens more-so than I do about ghosts. I have evidence and personal experience with ghosts.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
   Right arm - Lotion; Left arm - My computer.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  Cigarette smoke. =/ I hate when my door is wide open.

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
   Where I work. Kohl's....

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
  East Coast.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
   In my opinion, Roy Kahn of Kamelot. His vocal chords are amazing, and he's pretty good looking too.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
   I honestly don't know... I guess to spend every day as if it were your last, and to live life as fulfilled as possible...

 36) Define Art.
  Art is beauty, creativeness, and it is sharing a piece of mind. Art is meant to bring upon happiness and bring out beauty that this world so desperately needs. Art is a form of expression, a way to give that release and tension of the day away. Art is the ultimate way of letting go and being yourself.

37) Do you believe in luck?

38) What's the weather like right now?
   Cold, dark, dreary... Pretty much sums it up.

39) What time is it?
   5:58 p.m.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

41) What was the last book you read?
   Currently reading Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
 Oddly, yes.

43) Do you have any nicknames?
  Jess, Jessie, Jessabou, Kitten, Crimson, Anastassia (slave name) to name a few...

44) What was the last movie you saw?
   Super. It's an awful movie... Don't watch it if you've had a great day and want to stay happy.

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
   About two years ago, I got into a skateboarding accident and fucked up my right shoulder, Now it slips in and out of place if I'm not careful. It also is painful most of the time.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
   Yup, on my collar bone, to be precise. I have a picture of it.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
   See my obsessions page.

48) What's your sexual orientation?
   Bisexual, I suppose. Though I don't like labels. I'd honestly see myself more of a pansexual... I like both men and women, and I am in love with a man, and I love a woman. There ya go.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
   Too many, really.

50) Do you believe in magic?
   My definition of "magic" may differ from yours, but yes, I do.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
   Depends on what they did. Typically, no. I have been known to hold grudges though. Not going to lie.

52) What is your astrological sign?

53) Do you save money or spend it?
   A little of both.

54) What's the last thing you purchased?
   A snack at school today.

55) Love or lust?

56) In a relationship?

57) How many relationships have you had?
Counting the one I'm in... 6 plus if you want to count the current thing with Angel 7. 

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

59) Where were you yesterday?
   With Master.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
   Hand sanitizer.

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

62) What's your favorite animal?
   Mix between cats and foxes.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
   Be myself? I don't play charades or tricks. 

64) Where is your best friend?
   At her apartment, probably hanging out with her Master.

65) Spit or swallow?(;

66) What is your heritage?
   I don't know...

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
   Being disoriented from being waken out of a dead sleep, fumbling about my bed trying to find my t.v. remote which was on my pillow the whole time. 

68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
   Don't know, don't care.

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
   Multiple times, if you really want honesty. I really couldn't count the times.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
   Yes and no. I think I'd get along with myself, but I also think I'd want to kick my own ass a lot too. The friendship has potential to be great and toxic at the same time, if that makes sense.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
   Save the dog. I'm an animal lover, very much so, and I hate my current job. Not like I'm going to be missing out on much anyways. I'd feel way too guilty if I had not saved that dog for shitty Kohl's. Kohl's can stuff it, and so can Tammy.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
   A: I would tell my family and closets friends.
   B: Try to live it as best as possible, and try to spend every moment I can with my loved ones.
   C: You bet I'd be afraid. I'd be terrified. Death scares me a LOT in this life...

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
   I disagree. I have both with my Master. Take that.

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
   Recurring - Bonobo 

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
   **** (Hah.. see what I did there? I'm not stupid).

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
   Lots of things. Communication, trust, honesty, integrity, love, similar characteristics between two people, love, and positive vibes.

77) How can I win your heart?
   You can't. It's not an object. It's a vital organ I need in my body. Now if I were dead, auction it off for all I care. Haha.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
   Depends, really. 

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
   To not become my mother.

80) What size shoes do you where?
   8 - 8 1/2

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
   "If you turn around fast enough, you may see me standing behind you watching your every move." Cause freaking people out is funny.

82) What is your favorite word?

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
   Vital organ I need to live.

84) What is a saying you say a lot?
   "People can suck it."

85) What's the last song you listened to?
   Sail Away - The Rasmus

86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
   Purple, Crimson, Black, Hot Pink, Neon Yellow, Dark Blue, and Teal.

87) What is your current desktop picture?
   This one...

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
   My biological mother.

89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
   Nothing really seems to come to mind on this one. I am never afraid to tell the truth, even if it's gruesome.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
   Probably freak the fuck out and start swinging shit at them. 

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
   Shape shifting.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
   Probably the first date I had with Master.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
   When I got molested. I'd probably have fewer issues if that didn't happen. Lol....

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
   Pass... I really don't like the idea of sleeping with anyone else that is not my Master.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
   Not that I know of.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

98) Ever been on a plane?

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
   Stop being the fucking retards that most of you are, learn to love, care, and make this world a better place. Pull your head out of your asses.

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on blogspot.

Hope you all enjoyed this. If not, sorry.