Redefining What Being A slave Means To Me

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but lately it seems my relationship with Master has been having more downs than ups. For the last two nights we have done almost nothing but fought, and that is not normal for us. Last night, Master threatened to take my collar away again, and I was told that I am basically not being compliant. For a second there, I almost thought He was going to say I was not worthy for the collar or for Him to be my Master. I honestly thought He was going to say that by the look in His eyes. Being as angry as I was at that moment, I almost said I didn't care, but I just kept my mouth shut. 


To be honest, a part of me didn't care, but I think that was just me being stubborn, because if He had taken it away, I'd probably be really upset right about now. Instead, He placed the collar around my neck and I haven't taken it off since. I really don't know what is going to happen to us, or if anything will happen at all, but apparently Master is going to go through some "changes" and said that I need to change too. I had told Him "Forgive me if I don't believe you."


One of our main problems is that He says He going to do something, and doesn't necessarily stick with it. So it is really hard for me to believe Him sometimes when He says He is going to do something differently. I guess only time will tell. Not all of this is His fault. I have some spots to blame on as well, and He is right, I have been fighting Him here and there. It's really hard for me to submit to someone who doesn't necessarily assert their dominance. I hate to say it, but sometimes I feel like I could be a better Dom than He can. 


Master and I still have lots to learn when it comes to this lifestyle, and we still have lots of growing up to do. I just really hope we figure something out that actually works for us. This re-evaluating stuff is getting on my nerves. *sigh*


I'm really confused, heart broken and depressed over all of this. It just feels like every time we get something right, something else goes wrong. When is there ever going to be a happy median? At any rate, it seems I have a lot to think about, and we have lots to discuss. Master should be here any minute now, and I want to be ready to talk to Him. I'll make another post later when I find out what is going to happen to us and what-not. 


~*~Anastassia~*~