Sunday, October 28, 2012

Master's Whore

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Master and I finally have the house to ourselves this weekend. Yesterday was spent with friends at the MAsT meeting, and we even went over to Angel and Panda's place to hang out and stay the night there. 

Overall, I think things are okay between the four of us. There is still some slight awkwardness between Angel and I, but I think with time that will no longer be a problem. We just need time, which is understandable. We did exchange hugs a couple times during our visit, but for the most part we just talked about random stuff like usual. 

Honestly, I'm glad I got to see the two of them. I've missed them a lot and it was nice to spend an evening with them and we could all laugh, joke, and relax together. It was just what I think we all needed.

Today, though... today has been something else. It's almost felt like a dream. I kind of want to pinch myself repeatedly to see if I wake up or something. Allow me to back track a little bit before I explain.

Yesterday afternoon, after the MAsT meeting, we stopped over at The Lion's Den to get a couple of items. One in particular I've had my eyes on for literally months now. Nothing big, though. While we were there, we picked up two items. A new plug and a tweezer clamp for my clit. It even had a bell at the end of it. ^.^

This is the item I have been longing for. It may seem like nothing, but I have always desired to have a clamp on my clit that had a bell so that when I walked, Master and I could hear the soft jingling of the bell with each step I took. Needless to say, I made the perfect choice.

It has a little slider on it that can be adjusted to either loosen it or make it tighter. With little hesitation, I asked Master to get it pretty tight. I could feel it squeezing onto my clit, nice and snug, and with every step I took, it felt like it was tugging at my clit. Pulling on it and bring me closer to climax. I am in love with this simplistic item.
This new plug I also have fallen in love with. I love that the knot on it is a little bit bigger than the other one we have (not by much, though) and that the base is smaller, so it is easier to keep it in me for longer periods of time. 

Today was a day for explorations. Pushing my senses to the limits and then beyond. Words will not give justice to what happened today, but I'll do my best to explain.

Master took His time putting the clit clamp on me, making it nice and snug. He also inserted the new plug and it went it with such ease. Honestly, it's the more comfortable one of the two that we own. He took a few minutes to flick the bell dangling from my clit, which sent shivers of ecstasy through my body. It was such an intense feeling, but a very wonderful feeling at that. 

At that point, and idea (or two) crossed my mind and I thought to myself "Why not make this more fun?" Just yesterday I took out my nipple piercings and decided I really wanted to try playing with clamps again. It had been so long and I couldn't bare the wait any longer. A huge smile came across Master's face and He immediately scrambled about the kink bag to find out first pair of clamps. It took some getting used to, but the clamps were back on and I felt like I was almost "home" so to speak. The feeling of the chain dangling between my breasts and every small brush up against my nipples sent my head into a whir of sensations and body tingling chills. 

But that wasn't enough for me. I needed, no wanted, something more. So then I pleaded for the red ball gag and once that was latched around my head, there was just one more thing that needed to be done to make this complete. A good lashing on my ass. 

Because this was the first time we had ever done anything like this, we kind of took it slow today, but it did the trick. Master got out one of the crops we own and started an even paced thwacking against my bare bottom and my back. All of the sensations were amazing. Two of my holes were stuffed, I was drooling all over the bed, the clamps on my nipples and clit were swaying back and forth, tugging on me, and I distinctly heard that soft jingling noise that somehow heightened my senses ever more.

After several minutes of me taking a decent beating, I knew what was about to happen next, and I was craving for it with every last fiber of my being. Master pushed Himself against me from behind and pressed His body against mine. 

"I'm going to fuck you like this."

I maid a muffled sound through the gag in my mouth, insinuating I was ready for Him. 

Slowly, He pushed Himself inside of me. It was a snug fit with the plug still in me, but once my body got used to the feeling everything relaxed and we were able to get into a very steady motion of Him rocking in and out of me. 

At one point He leaned in close and whispered in my ear with that deep "dom voice" of His, "How does it feel, you whore? Having all three of your holes filled up?"

I melted onto Him. I'm not sure why, but this triggered something in me and I just wanted more. Before too long, our bodies completely synced up together and be both came with one another. I could feel His cum dripping out of me and around the plug. It was such a delicious feeling and sent me into a state of complete calm. 

We finally cleaned ourselves up and I took care of the toys and cleaned them with hot water and alcohol and put them away. After all, it is my duty to clean all the toys when we are done. I really don't know what got into us today, but I hope there is a lot more in store for us for stuff like this in the future. I can't wait to see what else happens. 

Hope everyone has been having a wonderful weekend.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

In Sync

Lately life has been hectic and throwing obstacles in my way. Testing me, my emotions, my physical capabilities, and my mental state. Needless to say I have been stressed for a while and I'm ready for a break. 

This past weekend Master and I had to go out of town to His cousin's wedding. Honestly, I was dreading this weekend, and have been dreading it for months when I found out about it back in early April. Our relationship has been doing well, but our dynamic has been hindered and kind of flickering in and out, much like that of a light that has a short in it. 

This weekend felt nothing short of a test. Master's parents (mostly His dad) had been down our throats this past weekend, but that is not the most important part. What is important is that because of His parents acting incredibly immature and overbearing, this brought us closer together. Emotionally and physically. 

Saturday afternoon we ended up ditching our homework to go out on a date in Midway Kentucky, where we were staying. We ate at a restaurant called The Grey Goose, and their food was amazing. We got to talk and laugh over a nice lunch and for once we felt like we could really be ourselves. We were in a town where no one knew us, and it was nice being able to say "Master" and "Sir" out loud. No one seemed to notice, and if they did, they really didn't care. 

At one point, we were left by ourselves at the rental house we were staying in, and we took full advantage of that. Master was standing in front of me and I made no hesitations of taking His cock out and taking it deep into my throat. I had been longing to have my holes filled by Master, and waiting no longer became an option. 

I licked, sucked, and swallowed around His cock and before too long, Master had me pinned to a chair, throbbing and rocking in and out of me. It had been the first time in over two weeks we were finally able to be together like that. With pent up sexual frustration, it was a matter of minutes before we came together, flooding one another with our spirits and emotions. I felt alive and my stress began melting away. Something I really needed.

On Sunday, we left early and once we came back home, we had the house all to ourselves for the whole day. Again, we took full advantage of this and engaged in more sexual activities together. After two whole weeks of no sex, little time for our dynamic, and no time for each other, it felt like everything was being pieced back together again. 

Master was showing His dominance again, and this only made me want to submit to Him more. I've even noticed that I'm calling Him "Sir" and "Master" a lot more in person, which is something He has always wanted of me. This has given us positive results. Master has been thinking of more things for us to try in the future, and He wants to condition me more on anal training and working on my posture, my body, and the way my body responds. 

There is a side of Master coming out that I have been waiting to see for a while now, and I'm pleased with the results. I hope we continue to get back in the swing of things, and I hope His new plans for me really works out. 

It really feels like everything is falling back into place. I couldn't be happier with Him and how things are starting to work out again. 

That is all for now, as Master is treating me to ice cream and cuddles since I'm finally not drowned in homework and externship stuff. ^.^ Hope everyone's weekend went well.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Everything is *Not* Okay....

I have been trying SO HARD to stay positive about things, even little things, and honestly I feel completely fake as hell for doing so. I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in (at the very least) a week and a half. My nerves are shot, depression is kicking in again, I'm stressed all to hell. I feel like I really can't talk to ANYONE at this point. I'm sick of ALL of this.

It feels like there is suddenly this wedge between Master and I and our relationship does not feel the same at all. We are (once again) getting zero alone time with one another, which means tension is slowly rising between us. We haven't had sex in well over a week. I'm too fucking busy with everything to even bother with something as simple as cuddling with Him, because the only down time I have is when He is at work and I'm not at school. The rest of the time we're both busy with homework, and now I'm busy with externship stuff I have to do. I was supposed to write in my journal yesterday since yesterday was my first day of my externship, but honestly, I'm so god damned drained I don't feel like doing it.

I'm also still very upset about something else, but that.. I'd just rather keep to myself... It'll do me no good really talking about it here.

Seriously, I just want to quit. I want to quit everything. I am beyond frustrated with life at this point. I keep telling myself "It's going to get better. You still have Master. He'll never leave you. School is still going great. Your externship is fine so far. Everyone is proud of all the successes you're currently making in your life. It's seriously okay. No, really. It's fine. Don't be upset. You've got this." but only so much of that thinking can get me so far. And I've reached my limit. 

I'm sure eventually things will level back out and everything will be okay, but for this very moment. No. Everything is not okay, and I'm honestly sick of pretending that it is. 

On top of that my neighbor is selling one of his cars for $2000 and my dad mentions it to me and I'm kind of sitting here going "I don't have the money for it." So ONCE AGAIN a nice car that is in great condition for a cheap price comes my way, and yet my step-mom's best friend is the one who gets the fucking car. AGAIN.

I need a god damn vacation. I'm fucking done.


Monday, October 15, 2012

Trying To Stay Positive

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." - Marcel Pagnol

Truthfully, I was going to make a post today about how shitty life has been this past week and vent to all of you, but then I saw this quote that my friend shared on FB, and even though I have not talked to him at all for the last week and a half, and even though he probably doesn't know it, but this spoke out to me so much that it wasn't even funny. 

Yes, this week has been horrible, what from what happened between Angel and I, to a bunch of other crap, but honestly, it could be a lot worse. 

What happened between us was amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world. What happened this weekend will be forgotten in a few days and new opportunities will arise. What happens in the future could potentially be better than anything that has gone on recently and life will get better.

Right now it may seem like things just aren't going my way, but I have faith that some day soon something awesome will happen and this week will turn around and get better. I hope that this post can be a reminder to anyone who may be having a bad day that things may be rough, but hold your head up high. You're going to make it through. 


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Just a Quick Post!

Hi everyone! I'm going to make this short and sweet, but I felt like this exciting news was something I should share with all of my readers.

I had an interview today for a possible externship at a nearby facility for Medical Assisting. I LANDED IT! I start first thing this upcoming Tuesday morning at 8:30 a.m.! I will be in Family Practice and I'm incredibly thrilled!! ^.^

So the next ten weeks of my life is going to be pretty busy! I can't wait. 


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Miscommunication and a Sacrifice

This weekend has got to be the worst weekend of my life. Or damn close to it. 

It all started late Thursday afternoon. I had received a strange and out of place message from Angel while browsing fetlife. She had mentioned something about she knew my Master wanted her to call me, but she had been a wreck and she was hoping that her messaging me was okay. What was even more odd was that she said that she was here for me if I needed to talk, or wanted to talk. Almost as if I should be upset over something. Needless to say, I was highly confused and it didn't take me long to piece together that I was left in the dark about something seemingly important.

I did the one thing I swore I'd never do in my life, and I logged onto Master's fetlife account in search for answers. Master and I know each other's passwords to our fetlife accounts, for emergencies or the like. I immediately went to His message box, and sure enough there was a message from Panda titled "The Girl's Relationship". My heart sunk and I knew exactly where this was going. Something I had been secretly fearing for a while now.

Long story short, after Angel and I had placed on our profiles that we were in a poly relationship together, this brought up a concern with Panda. While the three of us (Master, myself, and Angel) had thought the four of us were on the same page, it had turned out that we were, in fact, not on the same page and Panda was putting a stop to it. He didn't mind Angel and I being in a physical relationship with one another, but an emotional one was off-limits and this was brought to everyone's attention.

Everyone except mine.

For four whole days I was completely in the dark, oblivious, and straight up not informed about this. No one said anything, not even Master. Master and I did end up talking about that, and as bad as this sounds, I actually chewed Him out for not informing me of this for nearly half a week. Master did have good intentions, though. He wanted to get all the facts before He said anything to me, but that is beside the point now.

After reading the message, it felt like my whole world was crumbling and crashing down around me. In the few short months that things have started really going somewhere, I had fallen in love with Angel. I'm not talking about a mere friendly love. Full on love. She became another part of me, and it felt like she was being ripped away from me.

At first, I didn't know how to react. Should I be angry at Panda? Should I be angry at Master? Should I be angry at myself? Should I even be angry? Do I cry? Do I just become stoic? What the hell should I do?

I did the one thing I could think of and I went straight to a friends' house. I cried on them and according to them, I actually kept my cool far better than most people would have in this situation. And I really did try doing that. I tried being rational. Thinking everything out. Doing my best to not let my emotions run my life like I have done so well in the past. I talked to them, telling them everything I knew about the situation at hand. The more I talked, the more I was able to control the crying. Eventually, it stopped and I was able to be a little more level headed.

That night, though, I did cry myself to sleep. Thinking about how I knew what decision I had to make, and how much it was going to rip my heart into a million pieces, but I had to do it in order to at least keep both Angel and Panda in my life. To keep the friends I have grown to love as a family (though Angel was a little more than that).

Friday, we were supposed to all sit down at their house and talk about it, but Panda had a migraine, so we scheduled for this evening instead. We would have done it last night, but there was a party I wanted to go to and I wanted to be in the best mood possible while around a ton of my friends. Though that quickly came crashing down too.

See, Angel and Panda don't really show up to events a whole lot, so in my mind, I wasn't thinking I was going to see them at all last night. I was going to have a whole evening with friends, and I wouldn't have to think about it, that was till around 8 p.m. when I received a call from Panda saying they were lost on the way to the party and needed directions. I handed the phone to the host of the party and immediately went into panic mode. 

I hate to put it this way, but I was almost counting on them not showing up. I mean, what would have been the chances? And yet, here they are, on their way. I hadn't seen them since two weeks ago. What do I say? What do I do? I felt myself slipping inside myself, turning into this ball of nerves and mixed emotions while trying so very hard to play it cool.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy they made it. They never hang out, so it was nice seeing them out there with friends enjoying themselves and having a great time. For me, it was incredibly awkward. The whole evening while they were around I felt like I was choking on the very air that I breathe. I couldn't relax. I don't think I've ever been this tense. Eventually they went downstairs and I felt like I could breathe, even just a little bit.

A couple friends did pick up on my panicking and they came outside to help calm me down, and another friend took me in a separate room where I could let it all out. I broke down. I was crying and I felt like I was ruining the great time my friends had been having. Honestly, sometimes when I walked through the house, it felt like everyone knew that something was off with me. Though I think (and hope) I was overreacting. 

At one point I was hanging out in the kitchen and Angel came up and was naked and I think I cracked a little more on the inside. I can't quite say why.. but it hit a nerve with me and I immediately escaped to the outside of the house again. Before too long, they had went home and I was finally able to relax and the night became better for me. 

Today, though, has been bad on it's own separate level. I have been nervous, twitchy, fidgety, emotional... It has NOT been a good day. We did get to go over there and talk everything out, though....

We're still very good friends, and I don't think I have anything to worry about when it comes to their friendship. Panda answered a lot of the questions I had, and I think in due time everything will be worked out. Angel and I will still be play partners and maybe even cuddle buddies again some day, but because of my emotional attachment to her, I have to force myself to not kiss her ever again, and that tears me up too.

I think in due time.. everything will be normal again. Some day we will have our crazy, fun, kinky game nights again, and I'm sure we will have more funny and crazy stories to tell, but for now, that needs to come to a screeching halt for me. I'm emotionally attached to her, and I need to push those feelings away and pretty much bury them before things can go back to the way they were. Till then, those stories events will not be going on. 

I can't say how long it will take to get to that point of me being over her, and I can't say it will be easy. Quite the opposite, really. All I know is that I am extremely hurt over this, and it pains me to say that I'll never be able to kiss her lips ever again... I'll definitely miss that a lot. More than she, or anyone else, probably knows. I don't know where this part of the journey will lead all of us, but I pray that it will lead to more good times like we have always had. And I pray that most of all I can get over her so that we can get back to being play partners again and going back to when we instigated trouble with one another.

Whatever may happen... I hope that this leads to better circumstances. And Angel, if you're reading this, this is probably the last time I'll ever get to say this to you in this way, but I love you. You're the most gorgeous woman in my life, and you'll always have a special place in my heart, even if I'm no longer allowed to show it or speak of it ever again. Just never forget the love I have for you. 


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Sex Doesn't Have to Hurt: An Informational Post

I don't talk about this a whole lot, but sex (more times than not) can be quite painful and even uncomfortable at times for me. For nearly a year now, I have noticed that it seems like I've been tighter than usual. I've always been tight, even after losing my virginity, but something seemed incredibly off. Finally, I've grown sick of it and while at my annual OB/GYN checkup yesterday, I brought this concern up to my doctor. 

She asked me a few questions about sex and when it hurts and where it hurts and how often it happens, you know, going through the whole informational process so that she could give me an accurate answer and solution to this uncomfortable problem. 

I actually don't mind sharing this information with you all, because you never know, this may actually help someone else out there who is experiencing the same exact problem I have. So get ready for some details. 

How she explained it to me is that at some point in the past, when I engaged in intercourse, my partner may have entered too fast and this created a reflex. This reflex causes my body to almost anticipate penetration and on a subconscious level, I am afraid it is going to hurt, so therefore, the muscles of my vagina can not relax, and sex hurts again. It's a cycle, but there is good news. It's a cycle that can actually be broken.

See, the opening to the vagina is almost like a sphincterIt is a muscle that tightens when penetration is not going on. In order to relax this muscle, have your partner insert a finger just past the entrance and gently push down for a few minutes until the muscle starts to relax. Also, incorporating foreplay into this will help relax the muscles of the vagina and once you both are ready to go, the pain should no longer be a problem. Including decent amounts of lubricant has also proven effective with this method, even if your body is already naturally lubricated and ready to go.

She also explained to me that if this is done enough (with lots of times doing this and lots of patience) the reflex of that muscle tightening and making sex hurt should eventually wear off and, in due time, should not be a problem again. So, yes ladies, we can retrain our bodies for less uncomfortable sex. =D 

So with this new bit of information at hand, Master and I actually took the time to practice this yesterday afternoon. I have to say, I am impressed with how right my doctor was, and I am more thankful than she could possibly imagine. Master had massaged the entrance of the vagina to help loosen that muscle and a few minutes later when we actually were able to have sex, there was no pain AT ALL. It was the first time in literally MONTHS that sex was not uncomfortable in the least, and that is why I officially swear by this method and am sharing this information with all of you.

I feel this is valuable information to have and should, at the very least, be tried once to see if that can help improve intimacy in the bedroom. Or wherever you crazy kids have sex at. Haha I hope this post was an eye opener to at least one person and I hope it has helped improve someone's sex life out there. Because good sex doesn't have to be painful. 

Remember folks: "The more you learn, the more you know. And knowing is half the battle." *giggles* Have a nice day!


P.S. For those of you who actually do try this, please feel free to post on here about your experience. I want to know if I helped, and even if it didn't help, you can share that too and at least you tried. Never give up. Sex can be very important in a relationship. ^.^ Also, if you have other techniques that work just as well, feel free to share that on here too! ♥