Wednesday, May 30, 2012

One Mile Stone Surpassed!!

This is just a quick one I wanted to add in today. Some of you may know that I have been really working on losing weight, mainly because I am not at a healthy weight, and I am not in healthy shape. I have talked about wanting to lose weight because of this, and because I want to be able to keep up with the children I may have in the future. 

All around it's not because I think I'm ugly, or anything like that. I just want to be a healthy weight again and I want to be able to do out door activities without dying from exhaustion and crap,

Today, I am happy to say that I am now below the 200 pounds mark!! It's not much (198) but it's still pretty exciting for me!!

When I first started dieting and exercising, I weighed in at 223. It's the heaviest I have EVER been and that was a weight that easily broke my heart. About 3 months later I have lost 25 pounds, and that is great! I owe a lot of this success to my Master, who has been working hard on helping me manage my weight, and has even started dieting and exercising with me as well. My goal is to get back down 145 pounds (The weight I was when I graduated high school) hopefully, by the end of this year. So I have a little over 50 pounds left to lose, but with the help of my very supportive Master, I think I can do it. 25 pounds is quite a bit, and I'm really hoping this is going to be a kick start for me and I can just shed the rest of this excess weight from here on out.

Keep me in your thoughts guys! I'm really hoping this works out!! ^.^

I wish I had some before and after pictures to show you all. I'll do some the next time I make an update like this. Probably once I reach 180. That will definitely show a big difference.

Also, a heads up for you all. I know I promised some pictures, and I never got the chance to upload them and such, so to make it up to you all, I will be uploading my very first video of a session Master and I do. I have an idea in mind of what we can do, but if anyone wants to see something specific, please send me an email about it and I will see what I can do for you all! ^.^

You can reach me by this email:

Just let me know you're a viewer from my blog.

Till next time!! <3


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

One Crazy, Busy, Hectic Weekend....

This weekend did not go ANYTHING like planned. In fact, I have to agree with Master that this has been the busiest we have been for a long time, and it has literally stretched out from Friday afternoon till today, and I'm STILL not done with everything. 

Friday was spent helping some friends move a couple blocks down the street and that literally took us eight hours to do it all, but we got it done in one day. Thankful for that. Not to mention it was in the 90's here, so all of us helping with the move were sweating and our clothes were drenched. It was nasty.

Luckily, before we helped our friends we got to have a scene with the new crop and horse hair grass flogger a friend made for us. I know I promised pictures, but I had to delete them because family wanted to see some photos I had been taking, and they could NOT see those. So~ We'll have to do a re-do. (And if you're wondering "Why didn't you just put them on the computer first?"; it's because I was no where near a computer most of the weekend).

Saturday was supposed to be a relaxing day, and I was supposed to catch up on some of my load of homework, but we spent half of the afternoon at a friends house helping her with yard work (not that we minded it) so once again we took showers for nothing because it was also hot that day, and we were really sweaty by the time we got done. 

After that we cleaned up a bit and went to see Chernobyl Diaries, which absolutely sucked and we both wished we had left soon enough to get our money back. Seriously, no one waste their money on seeing this "movie". Radioactive cheesy zombies. Nuff said. Every damn horror movie cliche was in there as well. It was horrible. 

Once the movie was over, I was hoping to relax for the rest of the evening, I was kind of getting sick of running up and down stairs and being active all day long, but instead we had to go to a family get together because one of Masters' cousins got married and was moving to another state this very weekend. So it was a "Welcome to married life/Good-bye party" thingy. I wasn't really feeling it, but I am going to miss her and the kids, so I agreed to tag along. 

I asked in advance if we could just stay an hour because I really wasn't feeling social and just wanted to sleep. He said yes, but of course His mom was there and we were conned into stay for over two hours. 

Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, but I was promised to leave after an hour, and to top it off there were LOTS of people there I didn't know, mainly because they were family of the brides husband. Some of which were looming over me and standing REALLY close to me, which made me highly uncomfortable.

I have a personal bubble that is rather large and when it is invaded (purposefully or not) I get agitated and nervous very easily. So even though this man was right behind me (and I could have touched him with my back if I leaned back only a couple of inches) and wasn't even talking to me or really paying any mind to me, I was about ready to get up and leave in a very quick fashion. I typically hate strangers, and I hate them even more when they stand so freaking close to me.

So Saturday was scratched up to being busy all day that day too. Kay, so maybe Sunday would be a little better?


Turns out the family was celebrating my great grandma's 84th birthday (which is fine with me. I love and miss her), so my aunt wanted help with setting up and we had to be there by 2:30pm to help out. So Sunday was spent running around all afternoon. 

Master and I ended up having an argument in the middle of WalMart while on a potato salad pick up run, but I don't think anyone heard us. So there's that. I honestly think it has a lot to do with us both being exhausted from all the running around and workload we took on this weekend. Plus, I guess I was feeling extra bitchy, though that's not a great excuse. 

It was great seeing my family though, and my grandma gave me a stethoscope for my classes and upcoming career in the medical field. So that is $20 that I won't have to spend. I'm thankful because I'm broke. Work hasn't been giving me hardly any hours at all, but I won't get into it.

We ended up getting home sometime after 6 in the evening, and once I hit Masters' bed, I was pretty much out for a couple of hours.

Yesterday I finally got to actually work on my homework, but I finally got sick of how messy my room has been lately, so after about 2 1/2 hours of homework done, Master and I started cleaning my room. We cleaned for about 4 hours and we're STILL not done. At least I can see that I have a desk, and I can actually use my desk for more than just a computer. I can actually do school work on my desk. It's nice.

Today, I have been doing laundry and finished most of my homework, but I still have more of each to complete and it's already 6pm here. I still have to wash the dishes, and go to the store and buy an outfit for my interview (It's a final for my Business Communications class. Not a real interview) gotta study for two exams I have tomorrow, and I still have a business letter to write that is due Friday. 

I am ready to scream. 

To top it off, Finals are next week. So this week and up until next Wednesday will be filled with testing, workloads, and studying. 

I am way ready for this three week vacation I'll have from classes. I have never felt so mentally drained in all my life. X_x

Here is hoping this next week goes by fast. 


Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Funny Story

Just a little bit ago, Master and I decided to head to a little store called Southern States. We had heard from Panda and Angel that buying crops and such were really cheap, so we wanted to check it out. We hopped into the car and headed there. I was feeling really excited because we were getting a new toy for us and I knew we were just a step closer to having a fun scene for tomorrow.

When we pulled up, I was already starting my infamous nervous laughter. I gave myself a little pep talk to calm myself down before we were to leave the car and go into the store.

I'm drawing with MS Paint. DON'T JUDGE ME! <3

I finally calmed myself down and we got out of the car and went inside. At first, everything was cool. We stopped and looked at some seeds, Master picked out a sunflower seed packet, and then when headed towards the back where they kept the horse supplies. On the way back there, I noticed some hot pink vet wrap, and I couldn't resist. I love hot pink stuff, so I snatched it off the shelf and started giving master the big eyes look.

So I held on to the vet wrap and we headed over to where the crops were, and that is when I started to get really nervous. I don't know why, but I started giggling really bad. We picked out a neon yellow crop (I'll have a picture of it tomorrow) and decided to head to the right side of the store where we found a really big ax for cutting wood. Now.. I don't know what quite got into me here, but I decided it was time to make a joke... 

Unbeknownst to me, there was an old lady standing behind me when I jokingly whispered this to Master, and I guess it was loud enough for her to hear, because Master mentioned in the car. 

I'm guessing the look on her face went a little something like this.

Not my picture or doing. I just couldn't make one better than this. XD

You know.. minus the computer.

Needless to say, Master sent me to the car while He purchased our items, and as soon as He got in, He told me about the old lady, and I quote "She looked at me as if I was the devil himself!" 

I couldn't help it. I busted out laughing. We talked about it on the car ride home, and I laughed until I started to cry. It was definitely a funny story I thought I could share with you all. 

Also.. for those of you who do not get the "For the horse" thing, there is an episode of Kink in which one of the guys goes into a horse supply shop and he is picking out stuff for Pony Play. While trying out stuff on his arm and looking at stuff he says things like "This wouldn't hurt too bad.. you know.. for the... horse.." and Master and I were in a horse and garden supply shop. So~ yeah. XD

I hope this little tid bit was funny for you all and I hope you all didn't mind the lack of MS Paint skills I have. XD 

I will update either tomorrow evening or sometime Saturday on the fun we get into tomorrow afternoon. Hope everyone is having a great time!


Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Lately, things have been everything BUT kinky and sexy. I've been down and out and feeling highly insecure about myself, and in the midst of all of this, I feel like I have somehow grown a little more. It's been rough.

Friday, this week, should change everything around if all goes accordingly. I get out of classes REALLY early that day, and Master has every Friday off, so we're really hoping to get some intimate time in. We haven't had sex in a little over a month now, and while to some people that may be no big deal, to us it's a HUGE deal. What can I say? I love sex, and so does Master. Haha Plus it's not just sex to us. It's very intimate and spiritual and emotional. Hard to explain, but there is a deep connection there that I've only ever felt with Him. 

From what I can tell there is promise of a scene of sorts, and I have a feeling it's going to be VERY blog worthy. Plus, I still need to upload a photo or two of the new toy we got thanks to a friend, and a new toy we may be getting tomorrow as well. (You all know how much I love sharing photo's of new toys! ;D Hopefully you like seeing them!)

So I'm on the edge of my seat here. I'm excited about this and I know it's something we both really need right now. The stress has not only been taking a toll on me, but it has on Master too. So crossing my fingers and what-not!! 

I'm ready to get back into the swing of things!


Friday, May 18, 2012

I Feel Like I'm Going Nuts

This week has been something else. Last weekend Master's grades came back and they were definitely less than ideal, and Saturday His mother decided to take a lot of her frustrations out on me. I won't get into to the details, but it has me and Master pretty upset. He's not even really talking to her. 

In a way, I feel bad that it has come to that, but at the same time, the way she treated us was not only immature, but down right petty, so I don't feel nearly as bad for her if she hadn't brought it upon herself.

Some of the things she had said to me has left me feeling so self-conscious lately... I usually don't let people's negativity bring me down, but this was someone I looked up to, and really trusted and really respected... so her harsh words have made quite the impact. 

She made me feel like I was using Master, and basically made me feel worthless with very little effort. I haven't felt like this in years. I'm trying to work past it and trying to re-convince myself that I'm not a bad person, that I don't use Master, and that I am a great help to Him when He needs it. 

On top of it, Master and I have not had time in well over a month to do anything kinky, or really even get back into the swing of things with our relationship, let alone have sex. When we finally get a chance to have sex, I'm so drained and exhausted from all the activity I've been doing to lose weight, and studying I've had to do, I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep.

Hell, all week long I've been going to bed before 11pm, and I usually don't get to bed before 12am. I STILL don't feel like I'm resting well either. 

I'm seriously about to pull my hair out. Things have GOT to go back to normal here soon. I need alone time with Master so we can just be ourselves. I miss serving Him, having sex with Him, and even being able to play with Him. 

Finals are in two weeks, and I still don't know if we're going to the beach... I think Masters' parents are going out of town the very first weekend of June, so hopefully I can be off work that weekend and we can spend some quality time together. If not.. then I guess I'll just have to cope.

Plus, we promised to help out some friends while they move, but things have been so nuts lately we don't know if they even need our help. So.. I don't even know what is going on with that. I just want everything to go back to normal... I need some sanity back in my life. 


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Violence is NEVER the Answer!

I know my posts have probably been a bit on the boring side lately, what with not posting about kink or my lifestyle nearly as much, but an issue came to head just a few minutes ago that really got me thinking...

A teenage friend of mine was posting on FB talking about how he is going to kick some kids butts (he was cussing a lot, but because I'm trying to quit my cussing once and for all, I am refraining from using said graphics words) because said kids were picking on his little brother. He also had an older brother posting on the status saying that he was "proud of his lil bro for sticking up for the people he loves and being a man."

The first thing that came to mind was "Well if he wants to act like a "real man", then violence sure as heck is not the right way to handle this situation...." So after stating this and getting bashed by some petty teens who will (sadly) more than likely end up in jail for being delinquents and have a violent history on their record some day, I've decided to try to stop reasoning with stupid and immaturity. It's a losing battle with him because he genuinely seems influenced by his older brother who is apparently all about the violence. His brother mentioning that he has been in lots of fights and he's never been caught (In regards to my "Have fun in juvenile jail" comment). 

What I really want to talk about here, though, is that violence ISN'T the answer. People need to start teaching their children this. They need to take more responsibility for their children and need to teach them better and more effective ways to handle life's biggest "F YOU'S" that stare us right in the face.

It saddens me to see misguided children act out the way they do because their parents weren't there for them to teach them better. Or maybe they tried and the children just didn't listen because somewhere along the way they learned that violence was the answer. Remember folks, it takes a real man and woman to handle life issues sanely and safely, rather than violently. Please teach this to your children. We need less violence in this world. I feel sorry for those who don't understand this for whatever reason that may be. I'll be praying for them in hopes they change their ways for the better, and that they may teach their children proper ways of handling things as well. Violence only leads to more violence. It's time to stop this vicious cycle.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Working Through the Good and the Bad

These past few weeks have been rough, but I do have some good news. I'm fully recovered and I have my appetite back! In fact, it seems my metabolism has sped up quite a bit since the hospital visit, so I'm definitely back to eating well and no longer rapidly losing weight at an unhealthy rate. I've regained all of my strength, and I think I feel a little stronger than before. All of my bruises have healed up, and from what I can tell, there are no longer any deep bruises either.

Other than feeling a little nauseated here and there, I think I'm pretty much back to 100%, which is a huge relief for both me and Master. 

Other good news, my kidneys are looking a lot better too. My kidney doctor said two weeks ago that my kidneys are improving, but because they weren't exactly where he wants to see them, he wants to have me check in at the end of the month to see if they are finally back to normal and the levels and numbers are where they belong. He said my electrolyte numbers were excellent (which was something I was really wanting to hear, considering I had been drinking tons of water and water that was infused with electrolytes) so other than he just wants make sure I'm in the right direction, I'd say I'm doing pretty fantastic. 

Lets just hope that at my next appointment he tells me I can go back to drinking other things than water. I'd really like to have some tequila or a rum and coke soon. Haha. 


This past week was a little stressful, but it had its highlights too. Thursday morning I was in Masters bathroom and as I was walking out, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and landed screen side down right on the tile floor. I really don't drop my phone, and honestly I'm sure that was the first time I actually dropped it. As I picked it up and turned it over, I immediately noticed that the whole screen was cracked all to heck. Luckily the LCD screen didn't break, so it was still operable and I could still text and make phone calls. 

I'll skip all the little details, but my mom ended up going to insurance and they replaced my phone for $200. It was only about an hour later that I found out we didn't have to spend nearly that much, but I could have the glass screen replaced for about $30. Needless to say I was a little pissed....

That is until the new phone came in the very next morning. It was another iPhone, but even better, it was the newest iPhone 4 with Siri on it. I love this phone. Haha

Thursday evening Master and I got to spend some time with Panda and Angel too. It was nice seeing them again, and it was good to sit down and play some games with them and just get life off of our minds. Time with them was definitely needed and great.

Friday, I ended up going to Marshal campus with Master, Certari, and one other girl for the Free Hugs event that Certari put together. We all had a lot of fun hugging a bunch of people and running around campus, and I especially loved that we made so many people smile, even if they didn't always hug us. It was definitely a "feel good" sort of thing.

Saturday was not such a great day. I felt exhausted and nauseated most of the time. We ended up not going to a play party we were invited to because of that. As the day unfurled, I started feeling a little better around 7 or so, and even sat down to dinner with Master and His parents for some delicious fajitas that His mom made for all of us. 

Everything was going pretty well, we were all laughing and having a good time, that was until we started talking about Paul. That's when things took a turn for the worst. Paul was their next door neighbor for over 20 years, and treated them like family. They might as well have been family, and over the past three years I've gotten to know him, he became like family to me as well. He was like a long lost grandfather. 

While I was in the hospital, he passed away from what I thought was lung cancer. I know they found it really late, and the last time Master and I both spoke to him, his voice was just about gone and he was becoming very weak. So we knew it was going to be a matter of time before he was going to be gone from our lives forever. When we got the news while I was in the hospital, it came as a shock that he passed away so quickly, and though I had a slight inkling that something just wasn't right, I was so drugged up on medication, I didn't think much of it. Just cried and mourned a little, then worked on getting myself better so I could leave.

It was what Paul would have wanted. For me to get better.

Saturday night, however, the truth came out and I was far more than devastated. Thinking and talking about this is pretty hard for me, but I think it is best if I get this out somehow....

It turns out that the slight feeling I had that something was amiss was far more accurate than I would have liked. I received word from Masters' father that Paul had shot himself, and that was how he truly died. He didn't want to have to go through the pain of chemotherapy, and he certainly did not want to die in a hospital while having morphine pumped into him, so instead of suffering a long painful death, he took that matter into his own hands and did the deed....

When I was told this, I was blown away. For all of about 5 minutes while he explained this to me, all I could do was stand there in complete shock and horror with my jaw dropped wide open. I could tell my reaction was something he expected, but it also hurt Master and his parents to see my reaction. Life was very real and emotional for a little over an hour, and before too long the state of shock took over and my legs got weak. I sat down for most of the conversation, and was practically speechless....

I hear of people committing suicide all the time, and while it's very sad, it's a whole nother ball game when you actually know the person who did it. 

I didn't sleep very well that night, and I felt empty most of Sunday. I ended up briefly talking to Angel about it, and it kind of helped, but all I wanted was to just get my mind off of it completely and just forget. Master and I ended up going out to lunch and driving around town most of the day. We also went to see the Avengers which was awesome. 

I slept a little better the last two nights, but the thought still kind of haunts me. I really don't know what to think or how to react.... It's very hard hitting news and it's taking me a little time getting over it. I haven't lost respect for him, and I can kind of understand... Honestly.. I don't even know how to feel about this either.

I just hope the rest of this week goes a lot better.