Friday, November 30, 2012

Sinful Pleasures {Chapter One}

So I wrote a story nearly 3 years ago (that I had forgotten about) and Master had been digging around the internet as He seemed to remembered that I had posted it online. I told Him He was full of Himself and it didn't happen. Turns out, He was right, and He is now pushing for me to post it on here. I hope you all enjoy it.


Snow. The Earth's cold blanket that covers the ground beneath our feet in the dead of winter. It is yet another peaceful night filled with silence as billions of tiny ice crystals decorate the forest floor with their sparkling beauty. The air is frigid and the night is young. The beings that walk this earth have taken refuge in their warm houses, snuggled up tight in their blankets, and for most, sound asleep. Yet while your typical person will take shelter from the cold, a not-so-typical pair could be seen walking through the dead trees of a nearby forest. One, being a young woman of five feet and five inches tall with red-purple hair barely cascading over her shoulders, and the other, a young male standing at about six feet tall with short black hair and eyes that could pierce the soul. Side by side, their footsteps were planted into the snow, as they walked along hand in hand. After a long silence, the girl turned to the young man and spoke in a soft and playful whiny tone.

"Master, you never told me why you have that backpack over your shoulders. What do you plan on doing, studying out in the snow?" She giggled at her playful sarcasm as she kept her eyes on him.

He only grinned and mused back to her in a tone that rung with coy boredom, "No, my sweet Kitten. You'll find out what the backpack is for soon enough. Patience, my little girl."

"Yes, Sir," was her only reply before she fell silent again. She knew he was up to something. Her Master loved to surprise her with little things every-so-often, and this was nothing different, or so she thought. A cold wind began to stir the air around them, and she pulled herself close to him to keep warm. Gently wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her even closer for a secure hold. They carried on their journey through the quiet, snow filled forest before finally stopping by a rather large pine tree. The man slung the backpack off his shoulders and let it fall to the ground, causing the snow to pop up from the ground and land partially on the backpack and around it.

"Alright, Kitten, here is where the fun is going to take place," he finally said after looking his slave over and giving an evil grin. The girl said not a word before he advanced on her, pushing her up against the tree and pressing his lips to hers gently. He ran his hands all over her body, letting them slide over her chest, stomach and arms before pinning her wrists to the tree. His kissing now getting a little more forceful on her lips. In a matter of seconds, her body started responding to him, making her move closer to him, trying to push her hips into his. This made him part from her mouth, but only enough to speak.

"No, Jess. I am doing the work tonight. Just relax and let me take control. Understand, Kitten?"

"Yes, M'Lord."

With that, he nipped at her bottom lip, causing her to give a tiny whimper, before he parted her lips some more with his tongue. He let his tongue slide into her mouth, making sure to taste every bit of her teeth, gums and all around her oral cavity. He loved knowing every bit of his Kitten, and there was no way he was going to let her mouth be any exception. The sensations that were now stirring through her mouth started to make her weak at the knees. She flicked her tongue over his a few times, but he made a noise letting her know that she shouldn't do that. Obediently, she let him dominate her mouth, as he let go of one of her wrists to run his free hand up her shirt and cup her left breast. How warm and soft her skin felt to his touch. As he was running his slightly cold fingers over her nipple, it began to harden under his touch, becoming a nice fleshy point for him to pinch at. In that moment, Jess began moaning into his mouth, protesting the pleasure she was feeling from this action. After a few more minutes of pinching and lightly pulling at her left nipple, he slid his hand out from under her shirt and broke away from their kiss. Within seconds, Jess had already begun to miss the warmth of his full lips pressed to hers.

"Master, why did you stop?" She breathed heavily, causing steam to rise from her mouth.

"Mmm, 'cause I can, my pet. Now, take off that jacket."

"But, Sir! It's absolutely bone chilling out here!"

"Not for long. Now do as I say, before I am forced to whip you till steam is rolling off your face from the hot tears you'd be crying," he replied with a dominant and stern tone.

"Yes, Lord Evan," was the shy response that escaped her lips as a blush began to form on her cheeks. With that, she began to shed the jacket off her shoulders and arms, causing her body to get increasingly cold. All the while, Evan had been busy rummaging through the backpack on the ground.

"Here you are, Sir." Jess held the jacket in her arms, presenting it to Evan. Pretending to ignore her, Evan continued looking through the backpack, making her stand there at full attention, arms held out with the jacket placed gently on them, and growing colder by the second. 'Ahhh. She's such a good girl,' he thought to himself in amusement. A small grin formed onto his lips as he found what he was looking for. Bringing himself to a full standing position, he turned to Jessie and held up a gag ball and flogger in both hands.

"Trade me." He handed her the two items and swiftly took the jacket from her and placed it into the backpack. While he did that, Jessie looked at the items and shivered, though the shiver was not from the cold this time. It was from the slight surge of ecstasy that coursed through her body when she thought of what was about to happen to her. Evan just smiled at her as he walked up to her and kissed her lips softly, and took the flogger and gag ball from her hands. He looked her dead in the eyes, and she knew exactly what to do next. With little hesitation, she began removing her shirt and jeans, also placing them into the backpack. Now, she was shivering from the cold. Steam was being emitted from her mouth with each hot breath that escaped her lungs. Even though she was starting to freeze, Jessie made sure to stand at full attention, standing straight and arms at her sides. Evan gave a chuckle at this and spoke in a slight mocking manner.

"Aww, is poor Kitten cold? Does she want Master to warm her up? Hm?" She nodded and gave a small "Mhm" in response.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you over your teeth chattering." It was true, he loved to toy with her like this and watch her squirm under his control

"Yes, Master."

"Hm. I'm not thoroughly convinced that is what you want me to do, Kitten."

"Please, Master, please warm your Kitten up, she is very cold and needs your warmth, Sir!" she replied in an almost frantic manner. Evan just smiled at her, told her she was a good girl, and motioned for her to turn around. Knowing exactly what he meant, she wrapped her arms around the tree, pushed her ass out and prepared for what was yet to come. In no time, she was feeling the cold leather of the flogger hitting her ass at full force, causing hot red streaks to form under her panties. She let out a cry of pain and shuddered as the flogger came down on her ass and bit into the flesh. Already, she was panting and her panties were starting to get moist.

"Now this just won't do," Evan said as he tilted his head to the side. "Off with the panties, we don't want them getting too wet."

"Yes... M'Lord," she panted out and began removing her panties. As she did so, Evan took his time running his fingertips over the marks he so lovingly gave her. Indeed, they were searing hot, but this only make him that much prouder. When Jessie finally managed to pull her panties over ankles, she stood up, turned around and presented them to him.

"Here you are, Sir." He brushed her hair from her shoulders and planted a soft kiss on her neck that sent chills down her spine.

"Good girl." He threw the panties into the backpack and started to place the gag in her mouth. "We don't want you making too much noise, now do we?" When he had finished placing it in her mouth, she nodded her head at him and went pack to holding onto the tree.

Instead of going straight into whipping her eager ass again, he decided to take the flogger and rub it up against her thighs and nether lips, causing her to squirm a bit. When this happened, he was quick to start whipping her ass and thighs with the flogger, making sure to leave read marks all over her. By the time he was finished with her, she was already drooling around the ball that was placed in her mouth, and her inner upper thighs were moist from the juices that began to leak out of her. The cold was definitely not an issue anymore, that was until Evan took hold of one of the branches above Jessie's head, gently pulling it down to let it go and have snow fall over her. She let out another cry and arched her back. Jessie was now fidgeting about, moving her hips, wanting more and though the cold stung at her skin like a thousand needles, she was craving more. Evan laughed at this and proceeded to push her whole body against the tree. The bark, rough on her chest and stomach, and his hips pushing into her ass, was making her feel the bulge of his hardening cock on her ass.

This only made her want more. She continued to move her hips, rubbing up against him. Begging him with her body. Letting him know that she wanted him, but of course, he wasn't going to give in just yet. Evan braced her hips in his hands with a tight grip and pushed her ass into his pelvic region once more, forcing her to grind up on him. Taking his right hand, he ran it over her ass and over her southern lips, occasionally dipping a finger into her tight wet hole. Oh how hot she felt on his hand. He was half shocked that she was producing steam down there from how hot it was. He unclipped the gag from her mouth and let it fall to the ground. The moment the ball escaped the grasp of her teeth, panting could be heard coming from her mouth. Evan continued pushing a single finger into her, pulling it out slowly and then suddenly forcing it back in. Eventually, he added a second finger, spreading her hole open a little more.

"Goodness, Kitten. You're so wet and so tight. I don't know if you'll be able to handle the punishment from my cock." All of a sudden, Jessie let out a gasp and began to breathe heavily while protesting to Evan.

"Oh Master. I can take you. I know I can! I can always take my Master!"

"Can you now?" he mused with a sly grin.

"Oh yes, Sir! Yes I can."

"Mmm, then beg for it, Kitten. Beg for my cock, you greedy little slut. Tell me how bad you want it and I just might give it to you."

Jessie began twisting her hips as Evan pumped his two fingers in and out of her. "Ohhhh, Master! Please! Please give me your wonderful cock, Sir! This slut needs your cock, Master! She needs it so bad! She needs to have your cock fill her up and fuck her good!" By now she was breathing even heavier and her body was definitely warm to the touch.

"Oh, Kitten. You'll have to do much better than that. Come on, whore! Beg for it. Beg for my thick cock like a good Kitten, you dirty slut!" His words were as cold and chilling as the snow, but she loved it. She loved when he talked to her like some common whore, and this only made her move her hips even more, thrusting them a bit to meet the push if his hand.

"Please, Master! I need your cock, Sir! I want your cock, I need it I need it so bad, Sir! Please, give this undeserving whore your cock. She has been so kind to you, Sir! Show her some mercy?"

"Mercy? You want mercy, huh?" A twisted grin formed over his lips and his eyes glowed from excitement. He slid his fingers out of her and turned her to face him. "Undress me, now." He commanded, and she obeyed. She slid his coat off of him, and threw it off to the side. Next was his shirt to go as she began kissing his lips hard. It wasn't too long before she was fiddling with his belt and pulling his own jeans and boxers off his thighs to reveal his hardened member. Evan gently pushed on the top of her head, causing her to fall to her knees. There was not a moment that went by before she took his cock deep into her throat, swirling her tongue over and along it, making sure to lick every bit of it and pushing it to the back of her throat. She would pump it in and out of her mouth, occasionally taking the whole length out just to flick her tongue about the tip. While she worked her mouth around him, Evan was gripping the hair on the back of her head, and pushing his cock into her mouth. It wasn't before too long that his breathing began to increase and he felt his knees going weak. 'God, this girl. Fuck. She knows how to work her mouth for sure,' were the thoughts running through his head as he plowed into her mouth.

"That's right, Kitten. Take it. Take it all into that greedy mouth of yours! Do you want me to fuck you still? Hmmm, Kitten? Think you've done enough to deserve my cock?" He looked down at her and waited for a reply. She looked up at him, her pale green eyes filled with lust and yearning. Just by taking one look at her, it was easy to tell she was craving him bad. While still sucking on his length, she stifled out what sounded like "Mhm", but Evan would not tolerate that.

"Now now, you know better than to talk with your mouth full. Take me out of your mouth and speak."

Jessie did as she was commanded and continued to look into his eyes. "Yes, Master! Yes! Fuck me! Fuck me now, Sir! Please!"

"Very well." And with that, he brought her to feet, pinned her back against the tree and hoisted her up by her thighs and positioned himself right beneath her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He then began rubbing the tip of his cock against her blazing hot, wet opening, causing her insides to ache for him more. Without a single warning, he buried his cock into her cunt, hard and fast, which made her jolt, arch her back and cry out in sheer ecstasy. Evan began biting at her neck and collarbone as she wrapped her arms tight around him while he pumped into her. Her hips were moving involuntarily into his. Both their hearts were beating so hard it felt like they would explode at any moment. Moans were escaping their throats in between heavy breathing and the world had slowed down just for them, in this moment. The passion between the two was a fire all of its own, but as they became one with each other, that flame became a blazing inferno that had no mercy. This was their moment and they were so lost in it. Evan was holding onto her so tight that his nails began leaving marks in her sides, his powerful thrusts resulting in friction between her back and the tree. His teeth, piercing into her skin, caused her to bleed for him. She cried out and dug her nails into his back, dragging them up and leaving hot red marks all over his back. This did not stop him. He was determined to have his slave, and have her just the way he wanted.

He began sucking at the wound, taking her blood into his waiting mouth, still pumping hard into her. This being done, it drove her over the edge and she was crashing on to him with her first powerful orgasm of the night. Her muscles clenched around his cock, inviting him to pump harder and faster into her. It wasn't before long 'til he was sent over the edge as well and his seed exploded inside of her. Panting and used, Jessie clung to him as she came down from her orgasm. Their moans still echoing throughout the silence of the night. Jessie looked into Evan's eyes and gave a tired smile as she tenderly kissed at his lips. Evan returned the kiss and tenderly licked at the bite mark he had left on her.

"Thank you so much, Master." She whispered in his ear as he pulled himself out of her and gently place her feet on the ground.

"Anything for you, my sweet Kitten. I love you, always and forever."

"And I love you, Master. That will never change."

"Good." He kissed her lips again, "Now, let's get dressed and head home, okay?"

"Yes, Sir."

Feeling the cold air around them again, they were motivated to quickly get their clothes back on, gather their belongings, and head home for the night.


If you want to view it on the site I originally posted it on here is the link.

Tell me what you all think. If this hits off on here as well as it did on that site, I'll continue this and we'll see where it goes. ^.^

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Body Wand Mini: Toy Review

About a week and a half ago, Master and I made a stop at the usual sex shop, The Lions Den. I have been wanting a Hitachi something fierce, but we never have enough money saved up to buy one. So we took a step below what I wanted and got The Body Wand Mini instead. 

I love vibrators, especially for clitoral stimulation. It really helps me ease into an orgasm. Plus if I'm already having an orgasm, the vibrations typically make it more powerful for me, which of course I want more of.

So I'm thinking it's going to be something to just tie me over until we have enough money to actually get a Hitachi or else get the regular version of the body wand that has more settings and is wireless and rechargeable. (More than likely, we're going to get that one cause the wireless and rechargeable part is pretty awesome).

Boy was I proven wrong, and am I ever so glad and thankful of that. We tried it out as soon as we got back home and even though it only has four settings, each setting is more powerful than the next. The best part? It's not very loud. I absolutely LOVE this item. Everything from the soft, silicone, a neck that is flexible  the color, down to the pretty Rhine stones near the base, this toy really rocks my world, and I recommend anyone to get this who is into vibrations. 

So, on to the pros and cons list.

  1. It's only 4" long so it's easy to hide and store in small spaces.
  2. It comes in different colors
  3. It's quiet
  4. It only costs about $20, and worth every penny
  5. The neck is flexible 
  6. The head piece cover is made of silicone, so it is smooth to the touch
  7. Silicone cover is removeable for easy clean up
  8. It has four intensity settings on the base of the wand. Just takes a little twist. ;D
  9. It's splash proof
  10. Batteries do not seem to drain quickly
  11. It came with the batteries already inside the package
  1. It takes 6 LR44 batteries. I personally do not like those tiny batteries, because they are easy to lose.
  2. There is a small plastic tube in the wand that (I did not know at first) has to stay in it so the wand does not freak out and start vibrating on its own. There was no warning of it in the box, or no directions talking about it.
So it is pretty safe to say that the pros definitely outweigh the cons here. Overall, I love this little item and I sincerely recommend all you orgasm lovers to go out and purchase one. The link I listed above is for the regular body wand, but you can also find the mini body wand on that same website if you'd like to check it out. Here is a link: Body Wand Mini

If and when we get the bigger version of this, you can bet there will be a review of that one as well. ;D Thanks.


P.S. I promise this is my last post of the night. Sorry about spamming you all. Haha

Announcements For Followers and Lurkers. ♥

Hey everyone! Just wanted to drop a line to all of my followers and my lurkers. Thank you all so very much for taking the time to read what I have to say and for bringing a lot of traffic through here. I put in a lot of hard work into this not only for myself, but for you all as well.

I don't say it a whole lot, but I really do appreciate every single one of you and I'm thankful that so many people care about what I have going on in my life. Also, a huge thank you to those of you who have reached out to me and comforted me and have offered advice and encouraging words. You know who you are. ;D

One other thing before I end this, I have a poll up on the right side of my blog. Please take the time to vote on it and give me some feed back so I may make this blog just a little more better. As I said, I do this for my readers as well, so I want my readers to get the most out of my blog as they possibly can. 

Thanks everyone. Hope you all are having fun reading about my journey and I hope your lives are going well. Till next time. 


Monday, November 26, 2012

Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical Cleansing

I haven't really said much of anything to anyone lately due to my lack of enthusiasm and so forth. I don't recall if I've ever mentioned it before, but I have depression. I deal with it on a daily basis and for the most part, I am able to keep myself in check and keep it at bay.

For those of you who do not know, November 18th was mine and Master's anniversary. 4 years together now. Which is great. We spent our weekend exploring the sights and scenery of Hawks Nest and Fayetteville. We ate lunch at a nice little cafe called The Cathedral Cafe and the food was amazing. Sadly, nothing else too exciting happened that weekend. I digress.

Anyways, I had been fighting off a huge wave of depression I have felt coming on since October, but for some reason, around early November I just couldn't really fight it off any longer. I sank into a deep blue funk and (for the most part) kind of kept to myself. Something that is normal for me when I get depressed. I get quiet, I'm not talkative, I lack enthusiasm for most things, and because of this, I become somewhat of a hermit and distance myself from everyone. Including Master. Even my sex drive had depleted. 

Most of the time, I don't realize I'm doing it, and this was one of those cases. I knew I had been feeling down, but this was one of those times I didn't recognize the signs. I was so busy with work and school I had no time to focus on anything else. This was all brought to my attention by my best friend, Angel, who had noticed I was acting out of the norm and distant. That's when it clicked in my head and I explained everything to her. 

Not to mention going up to see my family on Thanksgiving did not make things better. In fact, it worked in quite the opposite manner. Like usual, upon seeing me, my family tells me I need to lose weight and tells me that I've "obviously been eating rather well" and so forth. Basically taking stabs at my weight. Nothing new. It also turns out that while Master was involuntarily volunteered for yard work by my family that my papaw was complaining that I didn't have my drivers license and took more stabs at me behind my back. So.. that just only made things worse.

By the time we got back to Master's house that evening, I was ready for a much nicer meal with His parents and talking to people who I knew were going to talk to me like I was human, not like I was scum or talk ill of me behind my back. That went well. So that was something to be thankful for.

After dinner was over, I proposed to play a card game, Phase 10, and immediately Master started saying "No." That He didn't want to. Not going to lie, I kind of pleaded Him, trying to coax Him to change His mind, but He proceeded to start complaining about the game and this was what seriously sent me over the edge.

Something so small and silly and on any other day I would have been like "Fine. I'll wait till another day." Sent me into a crying fit that lasted a good hour. And in my mind I felt like I could do nothing right and so forth. Depression at its finest right there...

Eventually we talked it out and after a phone call to Angel, who eased my mind a little better, I calmed down and was ready to find a way to fix this...

It's taken me a few days, but I've been able to work past some of the problems I've been having and yesterday I was finally tired of being sad all the time and down. So despite my physical feeling of not wanting to do anything, I tell Master that I want to change my life. I want to feel better about myself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Especially physically because I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling disgusted with the way I look. With how over weight I am, and then having my family basically point out every little flaw. 

So He suggested we do yoga. On the inside I wanted to just curl up and say "No.. lets do it tomorrow..." But I knew better and made the initiative. I asked to do that right on the spot and we ended up doing nearly an hour and a half of yoga last night. After it was over, I could already feel the stress and worry leave my body. I felt limber and free, and I had even worked up an appetite. For both food and sex (surprisingly).

After dinner, we came back up to His room and were laying on the bed cuddling. We haven't really been intimate with one another in what has felt like way too long so I was determined to change that. I positioned myself on top of Him, with His hips between my legs and leaned down to kiss Him softly on the lips. I ran my fingers through His hair, feeling the softness of his hair glide through my fingers as I lingered for more kisses. This didn't take very long before I got the reaction I was looking for, which was His cock hard and throbbing against me. 

He rolled me onto my back and sat atop of me, kissing me and caressing my breasts with His hands. I felt that familiar tingling sensation run through my body, letting me know that I was able to fully enjoy the moment without some sort of mental block getting in the way, like it has in the past. Master had got off of me and walked around to the side of the bed getting out the body wand we had purchased a week ago. (It's like a mini hitachi wand and it is magical lol). I begged for His cock, asking to have it fill my mouth, which I swiftly was awarded. 

I don't think I have ever sucked on His cock with as much enthusiasm as what I did last night before in our time together. Even Master was surprised as I took Him all the way into my throat without gagging. He quickly pulled out of me and put His hand under my chin to lift my head up so we could make eye contact. 

"I need you now, Anastassia. I need to use you." I attempted to suck on His cock some more and He pulled Himself away from me. 

"No, Anastassia. I need your cunt."

He got behind me and placed the tip of His cock against my cunt, and I didn't wait for Him to slip in. Instead, I pushed myself onto Him, eager for this attention I had been craving for days. During this union of our bodies, I felt so alive and so full of energy. I hadn't felt like this in weeks. Something triggered in me last night and even though He came inside of me and filled me up, I was left craving for more, yet very satisfied, none-the-less. 

I made a joke later on in the evening that sex can cure just about anything with me, but I'm thinking there may be some truth to that, even just a little because today I have felt great. My body is sore from the yoga we did last night, and the sex, but I feel revitalized and my mood and attitude is so much better. I feel so much better about myself and about my body, and I don't even really care right now that my family were dicks to be over the weekend. It's like I'm on a blissful cloud just floating along for the moment. Sadly, this won't remain like this forever, but I'm going to revel in the moment. I feel as if I deserve that at the very least.


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2012!

Hey! I forgot to post about this last year, but each year Rori from Between My Sheets posts a list of 100 bloggers. 

She leaves the 100th spot for those of us who didn't make the list because there are more awesome sex blogs out there. Visit the link above to check out all the amazing blogs. 

A huge thank you to her for making this list each year. ^.^


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I'm Beautiful and You're Beautiful Too

I've been seeing a lot of posts and articles lately speaking of beauty and realizing one's own self-worth, but what I haven't seen is people talking about telling other's that they are just as beautiful too.

Let me explain.

See, everyone has their own self-esteem issues at some point in time, and I almost always hear "Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful just the way you are" or some variation of that. While this is great, and I strongly recommend that to everyone, stop and think for a moment. If you deserve to feel beautiful and good about yourself, why not the same for others? Say... even your partner?

Every day, at some point during the day, I do my best to make it a habit of telling Master that He is a beautiful person. And He is. I don't tell Him this just because I love Him, but because it is true. We deserve to treat ourselves with compliments, but our partners deserve that same respect as well. As does our family, and our friends, and even our enemies. (Some may disagree). But we all deserve to feel beautiful.

My point is, never stop believing and telling yourself that you are beautiful and that you have self-worth, but don't forget to remind your partners of this as well. Or anyone else you can think of. Nine times out of ten, it's just what someone needs to hear, whether you know it or not.

No matter if you are a male, female, intelligent, uneducated, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pan-sexual, transsexual, a transvestite, hermaphrodite, monogamous, poly-amorous, unsure, tall, short, skinny, fit, overweight, underweight, African American, Caucasian, Asian, Indian, Mexican, etc etc. You are all beautiful in your own ways. Never forget that, and never forget to let those who are important to you know that you think they are just as beautiful as you. 

I know I sound like a total hippie, but spread the love people. There is too much hate and negativity in this world.  


Sunday, November 11, 2012

"You Have to Let Me Help You."

Call it a low self-esteem, insecurity, or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes I have moments where I don't feel even close to sub-par, and it shows greatly. Last night was one of those nights.

Master and I were having a conversation in the car and somehow it escalated into an argument. Eventually I went quiet, as I sometimes do, and refused to speak. This led to more bad times and then more silence between the both of us. We sat in the car in front of His house for a good five minutes in silence. Eventually I got sick of it and did the one thing I could think of.

I got out of the car and started walking. I wasn't sure where I was going to walk off to, but I just wanted to walk. I didn't care that it was cold outside, or that I didn't have a jacket on. I just needed to get away from the deafening silence.

Master got out of the car and followed me down the street. I don't know why I do this sort of thing. I've done it before. Sometimes I just want to run away from everything, and I guess I'm literally doing just that when I walk off. Some hurtful words were spoken between us and before too long we were back at His house and crying together.

Eventually I broke down and said what I had been wanting to say for a long time.

"Master, how can you actually love me and want to be with me? I'm an abusive person. I say horrible things to you, I've smacked you before in the past. I've hit you. I know I've never left a mark, but I'm an abusive person to you."

"No you're not. You just act out of anger because that is all you have ever known."

I protested more saying that I didn't deserve Him. His response shouldn't have been a shock, but it was.

"Yes, you do deserve me. You've not had the best of a life, but I know that you do deserve it. You're truly a good person and you can change if you want to. I can help you."

"No.. you can't. There is no 'helping me'."

"Yes, there is, but you have to let me help you in order for that to happen. Whenever I tell you to turn around when you face away from me, or when I tell you stop when you walk away from me, you need to listen to me."

"I don't know if I can do that..."

"You can. You just need to be willing. Listen to me, and I'll help you. I will be here for you if you will just let me. If you truly want to change your ways, listen to what I have to say and follow my orders. I love you. You mean the world to me and you do deserve me."

Somehow.. this clicked with me. It made the tears stop. It made my fear disappear, and I felt like I was grounded again. I could breathe again. We held each other in a warm embrace against the cold and life felt clear again.

I do deserve Him, especially when I feel like I don't the most. He is the one thing that really keeps me sane and keeps me on track. He is the reason I work so hard to make myself better every day. He is the reason I have been able to remain calm and make those changes in my life.

I didn't really say anything else, but in my head I knew He was right. I just need to listen to Him, even when I don't want to. He knows what is best for me, and in order for me to get what is best in my life, I need to be willing to stop and listen to Him and follow His lead. Even if I'm unsure and weary. I need to learn to trust Him completely and not second guess His judgement.

Master knows what is best.

Today has been a lot better. We've gotten along great and I can feel last night's talk taking effect. I feel more stable at His side and I find it easier to listen to Him and follow what He tells me to do.

We were cleaning His room this evening and while He was cleaning around His t.v. He found something I made on one of those label makers:

I know this may seem silly, but I think this is a sign. It does hold some significance, so maybe this is a good sign that we found it today, right after having that talk last night.

Thank you, Master, for being so patient with me, so loving, so caring, and so understanding. Even when I seem so distant, and hateful. You've never once left my side, you've given me hope on life, and you've lifted me up when I was down and feeling like giving up on everything.

Thank you for being my solid ground and for kissing me and hugging me, despite my protests and struggling to push you away. Thank you for holding me tighter. Thank you, Master... for everything.

I love you, Sir.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Changes and Updates

I know I've been quiet for the last two weeks, but I've been extremely busy over here with school, homework, and my externship. 

Everything is going great over here. I think I've really impressed the people who are training me at the office I'm at and they tell me all the time of how big of a help I am around the office and how much they appreciate my hard work. My supervisor also seems really impressed with me lately as well. I asked for extra hours during Thanksgiving break and the look on her face told me that she hadn't expected that at all. She seemed very happy that I asked and immediately wrote me in for more hours. I'm hoping this initiative that I'm showing will show that I'm taking what she said seriously about me working hard so that we can talk about me possibly getting a full time job there.

So fingers are crossed with that one. Please pray for me guys. I really want and need this job. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Master and I are doing great as well. We're quickly coming up on our 4 year anniversary, so we're trying to make plans for the weekend of the 18th to do something fun and special. I think we pretty much have it covered, but I don't want to get my hopes up because sometimes plan change. 

Also, something else that is pretty cool and that I'm still trying to let sink in: apparently Master's father referred to me as his "future daughter-in-law" for the first time today. So.. that tells me that (at the very least) one parent is really starting to get it. That Master and I are dead serious about this relationship we have with one another. 

Now if we can only get that sort of thing out of His mother. *laughs*

Today has been great, though. It's been busy, but I have no complaints. One thing that has been going on with me is that Master has been really putting the "moves" on me, so to speak. Haha. Earlier this evening I had just sat down and was relaxing from my shift at the office and He came over to me

"Tilt your head to the side, Anastassia."


"Just do it."

I kind of protested a little as I tilted my neck, unsure of what was about to happen, when I suddenly saw the honey bottle in His hand. 

"Sir, what are you-?"

He held my head in His free hand and drizzled that honey on my neck. The look on my face was kind of like this --> -.- but then I felt His warm tongue against my neck and for some reason I immediately melted into the chair. A few moans escaped my lips and I felt like I was drunk. 

Sadly, the moment ended way too soon and I was kind of left here in a daze for a moment. 

Okay.. That was, admittedly, very hot and I did not react quite like I thought I would. I guess Master is just a magical kind of guy.

A little bit ago, He did something similar, but instead already had the honey in His mouth on his tongue. He pulled me in for a kiss and stuck His tongue in my mouth, twirling the honey between our tongues. I know it sounds a little gross, but this pretty much got the same reaction as before.

I'm a lucky woman. Better yet.. a very lucky slave.