Monday, January 31, 2011

Oh, That Look. Man, Those Tears.

It drives me crazy. When He just gives me that stare. He is the sweetest person alive, but when He gets that look, I feel the danger close in real fast... and I LOVE the danger! It's just out of nowhere, really. One moment we're laughing, or maybe playing video games, and suddenly that look creeps upon His face and next thing I know, I'm being thrown down to the nearest bed/couch/floor and the sparks fly.

Ever heard of the phrase "Hurt so good"? Oh yeah... *grins* There is not a single bit of lie in that tiny phrase.

The moment I make eye contact with Him when He gives me that look... I'm drunk, I'm His, and I'm melting just for Him. It's silent.. then suddenly there is hair pulling, throat grabbing, forced kissing, loss of breath, and I'm being forced to take what ever He wishes to dish out. Whether it be Him tying me up and forcing me to cum, or me drooling all over myself while He whips me mercilessly. It happens, and once He starts, there is no going back till He is satisfied.

There have been a few times where I think to myself "There is no way this is going to get any better..." and then I am proven wrong as He takes me through another joy ride fixated on emotions, sensations and pure ecstasy. If am getting too graphic any where along the way, I am terribly sorry, but the warning is there before you view my blog. Haha!

There  is nothing like being used by your own Master. Being pushed and pushed till I break and cry. It sounds weird, but the moment He breaks me to where I am pouring the tears... I just.. I feel like we just accomplished something amazing. I LOVE that He can make me scream and cry. No one has ever done that to me, and I never thought I'd enjoy that sort of thing, but I do, and I crave for more. It's been a while since He last made me cry, and for some reason it is driving me crazy that He is asleep.. at His house and not here, beating my ass till I am bruised, and licking away my tears. I.. need it. By god I fucking need it.

And MAN those threats being whispered into my ear while He is choking me, or holding a knife to my throat... God.. I feel like I'm teasing myself just by talking about this. I'm sorry... I just fucking love how strong He is, and how He holds me down without physically HOLDING me. I.. need more. I'm greedy, I know, but there is a type of buzz I feel during these things that is rather addicting. I have never craved someone as much as I crave Master.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Weekend Full of... OH LOOK! A SQUIRREL!

This weekend.. has been a CRAZY one, no lie. May I just start off by saying congrats to my friends, Amy and Fluffy, on their engagement. I got to help with it, Master video taped the proposal and I nearly cried... Actually, my eyes did get a bit moist. Not going to lie. It was wonderful to see their smiles and the huge grin on Fluffy's face. TOTALLY AWESOME. Anyways, yes. It was cool. The proposal took place in front of the whole audience at Rocky, and every seat was filled. So it was PACKED with people.

Moving along~

Today was mainly a lazy day, as most Sunday's are, and I spent most of it with Master, just laying around and snuggling and fun stuff. =3 This week has been SO out of whack it's not even funny. Nothing has felt right all week and everything just seemed like it was happening all at the wrong times. Nothing bad happened, per-se, but it just.. felt off... You know?

Anyways, I got to play Dead Space 2 a bit. Lost some sleep this week over it. XD Totally worth it too. I love it. Master isn't too keen on the game, which is understandable. It's creepy and scary as fuck, and honestly, the first one gave me nightmares a few times. Haha One of my cousins stayed over here this weekend, so it was nice seeing him again. Granted, he didn't hang out with me much, but I'm boring anyways. 

Master and I hung out with some friends on Friday night after I got done playing a bit of Dead Space 2. I had part of a drink, played darts with my big sis, Master and brother (I don't really have a brother or sister, they are just two friends who are family to me). A couple hours passed and I was ready to go home and just sleep. So I did... GOD I'M BORING~!!!

Anyways, I started talking to a friend of mine today that I have not seen in 11 years. He and I went to the same grade school together, and I had to move away because my father got remarried to my step-mom. It was rather nice being able to talk to him again, and we are planning on getting to know each other once more. I'm really excited and I hope I get to see him again some day. Sure would be nice.

Anyways, this whole post has not been put together so well, so I'm just going to end it with me saying that I need SEX!!!! >=/ DAMMIT!! I haven't had sex all fucking week, and part of last week too and I NEED SEX!!!!!!! Thank you.. that is all...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I have a kid now? Lol

This is the conversation I just had with a friend I hadn't spoke to in a few months.. lol

Friend: how u been 

Me: Good you?

Friend: im good
i heard u had kid?

Me: ... Uhhh LOL! 
Where did you hear THAT from?

Friend: hell i dnt remember lol
you did didnt u

Me: Well if you find it, let me know, because I sure don't remember the nine months of pregnancy. XD

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I Miss My Bear Bear...

I had a cat named Bear. He was a Maine Coon and he was the most loving and sweet kitty in the world. I had that cat in my life since I was 3 years old, and He died this past year on the 23rd of August. He lived 16 good years, and was loved every millisecond of them.

It's a bit late to be posting this, but then again, I didn't make this blog till the end of the year and August has been long gone.. lol...

The only reason I'm really worked up about it now and thinking about it, is because my friend lost her kitten last night and hearing her reminded me of the pain I felt when Bear passed away... Bear was my shoulder buddy. He'd lay across my shoulders and just chill there while I walked around the house. He was pretty much the most relaxed and laid back cat I'd ever known. You could do ANYTHING to this cat and he'd still love you and still follow you around begging for pettings and meowing his cute little head off.

At any rate. I wanted to share this bit of me, as Bear was a very important part of my life for the 90% of it that he inhabited. He always knew when I was upset and was the first one there to nuzzle up to me and love on me till I felt better. Bear was put down on August 23, 2010 due to having a hyper thyroid, which caused him to lose weight regardless of him eating abnormal amounts of food, and a blood clot that cut off the circulation to his back legs, preventing him from walking....

The vet said that the medicine that we could have given him would have had very little effect, and more than likely would not have helped any, if at all. Having that in mind, and seeing how much pain he was in, I couldn't bear much of it any longer... I said my goodbyes... cried all the way to the vet, all the way home.. and then cried myself to sleep.... Losing Bear has been the hardest thing in my life I've had to go through in a while.. and still to this day.. my heart aches for my little kitty to come back..

I hate my mind.. because right after it happened.. all I could hear was Bear's voice.. his persistent meowing to grab my attention, like he did every time I came home, but when I looked up.. he was no where to be found.. I heard that meow off and on for the next two weeks and all it was, was a haunting reminder that I'd never be able to hold him again....

Granted, me hearing his meow doesn't happen very often, but the last time I thought I heard it, I nearly burst into tears. I still miss him like crazy, and I'd do anything to have him home again, but alas, he is no longer in pain and he is in a better place...

R.I.P. Bear.. you were the best cat I could have ever asked for... I love you....



Hmm.. I could have sworn.. OH GOD IT'S BACK! *throws chairs and pillows across the room* WHY MEEEEEE~?!?!?!?!?! *panics and hides*

Update: Sorry guys, thought I saw a spider... turns out my eyes were playing tricks on me.. ^.^;

I hope.. ;;>.>

Video Games, Whippings, Work, and Extreme Dom?

I think so!

Well it's been nearly a week since I last posted anything, not many readers so I feel less prompted to write anything, but I have certain duties to uphold so~ Gotta do it. Plus the less I write, the more I have to share when I write next time around. Mhmm, good idea, right? You bet your sweet ass I'm right.

At any rate, since I last wrote, I have been back to work twice, and things have been (Something urgent has come up, and I'll finish this later).

Okay this is the very next night, almost 24 hours later. I had to take a very important phone call. Friend of mine lost her 7 month old kitten and needed love and support, so I found that far more important than blogging. She and her girl friend are feeling a little better this evening, but of course, there is still pain. Keep them in your prayers that they may make it over this road block soon and well. 

Anyways, this week has felt.. interesting....

Master and I are having our moments and fun times are being had in between work and Him doing school work. I feel as if His mom is still kinda being all like "Rawr! I'm Mamma T., and I am making sure my son is doing well." Which is cool and all, but Eh yeah.. you've heard this all before. It's good she is concerned that He is doing well in His studies.

So yeah, I got to play Little Big Planet 2 with Master this evening. He got it yesterday and didn't play it till this evening and we beat story mode shortly before 11pm tonight. Pretty damn awesome if I say so myself! I haven't beaten a game in one night in for-freaking-ever! Feels good. =3

Speaking of games, I pre-ordered Dead Space 2 Collectors Addition about a week ago, and it comes out on the 25th (Tuesday) of this month, and boy am I excited! The first one gave me nightmares, almost made me cry, made me jump SEVERAL times and scream like a little girl, and I'm still going back for more. Yeah, A tad sadistic towards myself because in the end all I'm doing is mentally torturing myself, no joking, and enjoying every second of it. Sure, I have lost sleep over the first game, and being that the new one is going to be twice as gruesome and morbid, I feel I'll lose even more sleep and be even more paranoid... I CAN'T WAIT!!!

(A "normal" person wouldn't be like this...)

*looks at self in mirror for a moment* Nope.. not a single trace of being normal in my body. *tosses mirror and breaks it* S'cool. MOVING ON! =D

The other day, Monday to be precise, Master was off of school because it was MLK Day and all schools are out that day, including college. We took advantage of this because His parents were at work out of the house, and I found myself feeling.. masochistic...

I turned to Master at one point and promptly told Him that I wanted Him to beat me. Now, He reacted like any typical person would, by looking at me like I was a tad crazy and He had the look of concern in His eyes. For SOME odd reason He literally thought I meant I wanted Him to strike me across the face or something. I couldn't help but laugh a little and explain that I wanted to be punished for no reason. Of course, He agreed to that and we had a nice little hour session of Him striking me with various whips, canes, etc till my ass was bright red, sore, and possibly bruised. 

It felt AMAZING. There is nothing like getting my ass beaten repeatedly till I can't stand it... and then some!

Anyways, moving on back to today.. 

Master and I took a little bit of time to take a break from playing LBP2 as we had been playing it for a few hours straight. Not too healthy. I know. At first, I was just being playful and poking at Him, nipping at Him here and there, and next ting I remember, He's got me in His grasp and I can't move. Nope. Sad part, He only had me by one arm and one leg! XD STILL couldn't get out of His grasp. If you knew who I spoke of, you'd think "He's a small guy though. There is no way he could hold someone down!" Looks can be deceiving, buddy, and with Him they most certainly are. Master can hold His own when He needs and wants to, and exercises that well when it comes to me. 

I don't know what exactly happened, but at one point, He has a hand full of my hair in His hand, TIGHT, and there is no way for me to get away at this point, 110%. And oh GOD the look in His eyes... It's that look when a Dom looks into His submissives eyes and tells her that if she makes the wrong move, that you are going to get her and get her good... with that one. simple. look. 

This side of Master rarely comes out, but boy when it does.. Mmm... *melts* =D

At any rate, it was fun not being to do anything and was pretty much helpless and useless under His grasp. Pretty awesome if I do say so myself.

Mmm well.. I'm getting tired, and running out of things to say so I'm going to end this for now.



Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Boring, but Not So Bad.

Well now it has come down to this. Master wants me to write an entry online somewhere every day to keep up with what I have been doing throughout my days when He is gone, and what better place to do it, but here?

Today has been.. well as the title states. ; "Boring, but not so bad". I did, in fact, get to see Master today, once for about an hour in between His last class and the one before it, and for about an hour after His last class of the day. It wasn't as long as I'd like for it to e, but hey, I'm just happy I got to spend that much time with Him, rather than having no time at all. Not going to complain.

Last night, before going to sleep, I was assigned three tasks of today, one of which I am currently doing. Writing in my blog. The other two chores were for me to clean my room a bit (Check!) and for me to work on my promise to Him as His slave and what I am to be to Him. (Still in the works, but at least I have started on it, and Master approves of what I have already done). Whether I post that on here or not, is up to Him, but if He just gives me the answer I'm expecting "Doesn't matter to me." Then I think I'll just keep it to myself. 

Is it weird that I am slightly afraid that my promise/oath to Him will sound just like everyone else's? I mean, I know they are all unique in their own little ways, but I am afraid that I'm just going to be saying the same things. I know Master doesn't care, because He knows that what I am writing to/for Him is out of my heart, and that is what sets it apart, but I can't help but feel like it's going to be something I've read before in the past. I'm not doing this to impress anyone except Master or anything.. Mreh. I really shouldn't think about that. I jut need to be happy that Master likes my progress. *nods* That's the ticket. 

Now I feel like I'm rambling to myself. Lol Typical me~!

At any rate, I have made progress with the tasks set for today, and I am proud of myself for it. What makes me even happier is that Master is pleased with the progress too. ^.^ So YAY~! Still need to finish my room though.. <.< 

^.^;; I can get to work on that in the morning after my shower and work until either I'm done, or till Master comes and see's me tomorrow after his class lets out... 

At any rate, the most I have done today has just been me playing online on FL and Gaia. Not much excitement here in my life since work has cut my hours IMMENSELY. Gotta go talk to them about that and see if they'll give me more hours... Mmmm..

Well anyways, I guess now I'm just beating around the bush, so back to more booty grabbin' on gaia! XD (I SWEAR it is a real game where you get as much gold as you can. Hence the name.. Booty Grab).

Till tomorrow...


Monday, January 10, 2011

I Can Already Feel the Pressure.

It's day one of Master starting back up his classes after his month long winter break in between semesters, and things are already starting to get stressful. It seems silly, but it's rather upsetting that I'll be spending less time with Him, since after all, this past month we have spent literally, every single day together. Now was this a mistake? In my eyes, no, but I will admit that maybe it wasn't the best because we have grown so used to seeing each other so much in such a little amount of time, that it is effecting me in a rather negative way. On top of that, Master is also taking it hard. I don't think He's taking it as hard as I am though....

Then again, I could be wrong....

I sit back and think to myself "How did we make it this far? How did we get through it in the past?" And oddly enough.. I'm not really sure. It's all just a blur now. All I know is that somehow, we've made it this far, and we have had lots of fun along the way. I guess.. we just took it day by day for over the last two years....

Maybe I'm just hormonal because I'm riding the crimson tide... I don't know...

What makes it so stressful though, is not the fact that He has ADHD and sometimes forgets things, nor that He sometimes can't take things seriously and makes annoying noises, or even that my time with Him has been cut partially. What gets me the most is that His mom is always stepping in. I understand that she has helped Him all these years with schooling and making sure He has been on top of things because His ADHD has him constantly running his brain at 90mph, but I just pray that some day He can finally deal with life without his damn mom. She's always asking Him things, interrupting moments that we are having because she is wanting to know if He got some damn email about puppies or some shit. UGH~!!!! >.<;

Okay, maybe I should stop raging.. that's lame, I know. Mreh..

Just.. I just want Master to not rely on His mom and dad so much. I want to be able to get a place with Him, move out of both our parents houses, and live together in peace. I know it won't be all sunshine and roses, because we'll both be working our own jobs and taking classes and such, but at least at the end of the day I'll be able to come home, prep the place and bedroom, give Master a massage, love on Him, be able to go to sleep wrapped up into His arms, and then wake up the next morning still next to Him....

I'm such a dramatic romantic chick.. =/

Sorry that this is so.. emotional and rather depressing to read.. that is.. if anyone is reading any of this. Don't think so though, since I only have one follower.. Haha..

And I didn't get that back rub that Master promised me today.. and my back hurts really freaking bad.. Gah just.. maybe things will be better tomorrow. I don't feel so well... =/

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Bringing In The New Year, Kitty style~!

So far this new year has consisted of playing Halo Reach New Years Eve with friends, getting permanently collared by my Master, having some awesome moments with my kink friendly "family". I'd say we're cooking up 2011 just right! I can't quite go into details at this very moment, as I am REALLY tired and can barely see straight, but if anyone is reading this, I will be sure to post a more updated and full length version sometime this week.

Probably tomorrow... I hope.

Anyways, good night, sweet dreams, and though I'm 10 days late, Happy New Year! =P