Tuesday, August 28, 2012


Today is inspection day. It is supposed to be once a week and was going to take place this past weekend, but due to me being sick, that had to take a back seat till today when we finally had some private time. I had never gone through inspection before now, so really, this is a whole new experience for me.

As soon as Master got home from class, we got something small to snack on and up the stairs we went. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up after stripping myself of all of my clothes. Suddenly, I felt completely nervous and self-conscious. It's not like Master has seen my naked body a million times by now, so I really don't know why I felt so nervous, but I did.

I walked into the hallway, holding myself with my arms and starring anywhere but at Master. It's almost disgraceful of me to do this, and I realize this now. I planted my torso flat against the wall in my Wall Receiving Position and readied myself for inspection. 

Masters hands gently glided along my body, and typically this would have relaxed me instantly, but I stayed rigid in my form against the wall and let Him do what He wanted to me. At one point, I felt Masters fingers slip past the lips of my cunt, touching me, and spread me open for Him to see. His hands moved back over my ass and He took the time to spread my ass cheeks to look at me there too. For some reason, this made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but I remained silent. I am His slave, His property, and He has every right to check me out and make sure I am up to His standards. 

He then ordered me into my Wall Respecting Position, so that He could see all of the front of me and inspect the front of my body, including my breasts and nipples. Again, His hands ran smoothly over my body. Starting at my breasts, down my stomach, past my legs to my feet.

Before I knew it, it was over almost as soon as we got started. Once Master was finished with me, I permitted my clothes again, and I was thankful. I'm not used to being on display like that for anyone, and that is exactly what it felt like: like I was on display for Master. Truly, I was.

I'm not sure what has gotten into me today, or why my nerves were as bad as they were, but I need to overcome my poor body image. Master loves me the way I am, and I should respect that. It shouldn't be my place to judge my body so poorly if Master loves it. Masters opinion should matter most. He knows what is best for me.

I just hope I can work on myself some more. I need to be comfortable for Master, not tense and nervous. That isn't the point of inspection; the point is to make sure I am clean and presentable for Master, and I need to be proud when I come out 100% in Masters eyes. Which luckily, I did this time. Master was pleased with my body, and that is what is most important.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Sick Again

I really don't know what happened this time around... I was feeling great yesterday all morning, then around 1:30 p.m. I started feeling nauseated out of nowhere. At first, I thought nothing of it. It was really hot outside and the sun was beating down on my stomach, and usually that makes me feel a little queasy, but it gradually got worse throughout the day and night. 

All day long I kept feeling like I was on the verge of throwing up, and every time I got that feeling my stomach would clench really hard and hurt. I tried everything I could think of to help my stomach. I took Tums, I took Pepto Bismol, I ate a slice of bread, I even ate crackers. Nothing. In fact, eating seemed to make it worse.

Needless to say I was miserable. I finally felt okay to go back home and when I got there, I was lucky to find the medication prescribed to me from when I was in the hospital back in April. Even better, they won't be expired till April of 2013. The medicine I was prescribed also causes drowsiness, so I was able to finally sleep. I did wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night, but when I woke up around 1:30 a.m. I noticed I was no longer feeling sick to my stomach, just exhausted.

Today I have been a lot better, but not 100% normal. I did feel some slight nausea at one point this morning, but I've been able to eat some, and I even ate some vegetable soup a little bit ago and my stomach doesn't seem to be rejecting it, so I think that is a good sign. Despite that, I've pretty much slept all day, trying to recuperate. 

I'm a little down because yesterday, Master and I were supposed to watch more Training of O and we had a lot of fun kinky stuff planned for this weekend, but I'm still feeling a little cruddy and there isn't much I can do when I feel like this. Maybe something will happen tomorrow if I'm feeling a lot better.

I just hate being sick. I don't take well to being sick, but the most struggling part of being sick is not being able to serve Master the way He needs and wants me too. I know He understands and He doesn't mind, but it really does bother me. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow and we can finally do some stuff tomorrow that will definitely be blog worthy. 


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Kink, Sex, and Protocol

This weekend has been one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. It all started Friday afternoon after class. We had been planning for over a month to have our very first photo shoot with SquareKnot. He has taken many photos of people in the community and I was just dying to work with him. After four or five long anticipated weeks drug by slowly, we finally made it to Friday. 

A couple friends of ours let us borrow their apartment for the shoot, with one deal, that they could watch us. Of course, I had no problem with this. After all they were gracious and kind enough to let us use their place for the shoot, it was the least Master, SquareKnot, and I could do. 

After fixing myself up, putting some makeup on, and getting in my dress, I was ready to start taking photo's. With SquareKnot's guidance for positions to get great shots of Master and my dynamic, we ended up getting quite a collection of really nice photo's.

We also got a few bondage photo's in, which was the deal we made with SquareKnot when we asked to have pictures taken.

I'll share some of me, but for the rest with both Master and I, you can visit my fetlife page.


He was really gentle with me and made sure I was completely comfortable while bound and gagged. 

During the whole shoot, I felt like I was in amazing hands with both Master and SquareKnot by my side and it was an extremely enjoyable experience.

In the segment of Master and I doing our M/s photo's, I couldn't help feel so close to Him and feel like I was right where I needed to be. A certain joy filled my heart that I hadn't felt before, and that moment could not have felt more right.

After wrapping everything up and helping SquareKnot load his equipment, Master and I headed home to have some other fun. When we got back to His house, we got ourselves something to snack on, and went upstairs a little while later. It was safe to say that I was rather horny after our shoot and was practically begging to suck on Masters cock.

I got down on my knees and took His already hardening cock out and started to suck on it. Worshiping His cock is something I have always enjoyed. I love serving Master and I love serving His cock. After I pleased Him with my mouth, He had me get on all fours and forced Himself inside me. It was a rather tight fit, and hurt at first, but eventually the pain dulled down into pleasure. 

One of my favorite parts when He takes me from behind is when He grips my hips hard and trusts as deep into me as He can. Using me like the cum dumpster slut that I am. 

We ended with Him cumming and we left to hang out with friends.

Yesterday was when we got our pictures from SquareKnot, and if you can't tell from the photos, we were highly pleased. ^.^ We also got to hang out with Panda and Angel last night, which turned out to be a wonderful time. 

Angel and I have not been able to play with one another in literally months because of how sick she has been feeling. I half jokingly mentioned to her over a message (when she asked what I had in mind) that I would like to play with her. I was very happy when she replied that she would be up for it. I had been longing to hear those sexy moans of hers when she gets hit with a cane, or a crop. Her voice is beautiful.

We arrived at their place around 9, and we started out with playing our version of In-A-Pickle, which is Strip In-A-Pickle! ^.^ Sadly, we were dealt some awful hands and before too long, I was stripped of all of my clothes. Angel wasn't far behind me either before her clothes were all gone. 

The game ended with Panda winning, and both Masters still had most of their articles of clothing on, which didn't last long as they quickly put their clothes back on while Angel and I were left naked. Not that I was complaining. I have recently started feeling a lot better about my body image, and I felt mostly comfortable being fully naked around them. I was in a safe environment left without judgment and I was finally okay with my naked body. What a wonderful feeling.

Panda asked me to follow him into their bedroom where I was permitted to pick out a few toys and hitting implements. Immediately I spotted her posture collar and matching breast binder and wanted to see her in them. On the way out of the room I picked up the clover clamps and the mandible clamps and followed him back down the hallway to Angel and Master. 

Panda took the time to put Angel in her collar and breast binder, and she looked absolutely amazing in them, despite her discomfort. Panda also ended up putting a blindfold over her eyes and I got to place the clover clamps on her nipples. With some slight adjustment, we got the clamps on nice and snug and I began pulling on the chain, enjoying her gasps as I tugged on her nipples.

Man it was nice to be doing this again.

Eventually all four items were removed and we somehow ended facing each other on their ottoman, both getting our asses beat by our Masters. Out of nowhere, Angel got up and ran around behind me and started hitting my ass with one of hitting implements and even spanked me with her bare hands, giving me one really good smack at one point that caused me to lurch forward with a shocked look on my face. 

I had no idea she could hit that hard, but little did she know that I can hit harder, and soon enough I showed her just how hard I could hit. It's kind of fun when I get my revenge, but I'm sure that will lead to more fun down the road.

Panda had instructed her to kneel in a certain position on the ottoman and counted every time she broke position as I was hitting her with various things on her now reddening ass. He ended up counting 7 times that she broke position, and I kept wondering and asking what he meant when he said "Seven" to her a few times.

Needless to say, I got my answer and I felt pretty bad for her when I had to witness what she had to do as punishment. She was put into what is called the "Stress Position" and it looked extremely painful. She had to hold that position for 7 whole minutes and wait till the timer went off. At one point she broke position but quickly got back into it and held out. 

I think it helped her to keep position that we were talking about random things. I couldn't help but feel a huge admiration for her determination to not break position again. It did not look like an easy position to hold. Soon enough, the timer went off and she was finally able to sit down next to me. As soon as she mentioned her finger tips hurting, I began massaging them. She informed me she never had her hands massaged before, so it felt wonderful doing something new for her. I ended up offering to give her a full body massage sometime, and funny enough, she eagerly accepted, which made me feel awesome. Haha.

It was after 12:30 before we left, and the night could not have ended on a better note. Definitely some much needed time we had together, although I would have liked to have been able to kiss and snuggle Angel a little bit more. Honestly, I was rather pleased.

Today has been a lazy day, but we did end up watching the first video of one of the Training of O sessions from kink.com and it was incredibly hot and gave Master some nice idea's for us in the future. One thing that Master mentioned right off the bat when we started watching it was that He really liked how Madison Young kept saying "Yes Sir" to her boy friend at the end of every single sentence she spoke. 

Master has always wanted me to do that, but I have failed miserably at it in the past, and I guess watching it made Him realize that He was not asking too much of me. He told me "This is exactly what I have been talking about. This is what I want you to do from now on, is that understood?" I replied with a "Yes, Sir" and a smile and already felt myself slipping into a submissive head space. I love when Master exerts His dominance, and it makes me feel so whole and owned. 

There were a few times we had to stop the movie so that Master could point out a few things to me. He has requested of me to from now on, no matter where we are, I am to ask to sit down first and end my sentence with a "Sir". I only slipped up once tonight, but because it is so new, He has not punished me for it. That is not to say I won't get punished for it in the future if I continue to forget. 

He also gave me a few positions to stand when He is telling me to. They are called "Wall Receiving" and "Wall Respecting". Here are some pictures to give you the full idea.

Wall Respecting. 
Wall Receiving.

Wall Receiving from the side.

"Wall Receiving" is pretty self-explanatory. I am to have my ass and cunt present for Him for His personal use the moment He tells me to assume that position. It is for easy access. The "Wall Respecting" position is generally the same, except my arms are folded behind me and I am to have my back against the wall, but my legs spread and hips forward for more easy access. 

These were given to me tonight, and I'm sure they will be used a lot from here on out. I can't wait to see what else Master picks up from these videos that we are watching. I think there are going to be a lot of good changes in our dynamic, and I'm really excited to see what Master will do next.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Till next time!


Sunday, August 12, 2012

New Stuff!!

Sorry to say that this post will not be very long, but I do want to show off the two new items we bought recently.

We bought a red candy apple ball gag and some pretty purple wrist cuffs with mini pad locks. =D

Funny story about the wrist cuffs though, when we first started tinkering with them, they would not fit right at all. They were extremely loose and just fell off my hands. We tried putting them around my ankles and they were really loose on my ankles as well. Turns out, there are three grooves so you can actually tighten them on the wrists. XD I thought we were going to have to return them, we were just using them wrong. Good thing that got settled!!



Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Truly... I am Owned

Lately things have been extremely busy around here, which is why I have not had much time to make a post. I've been focusing more on my schooling and Master more than anything else this past month, and everything else has pretty much taken a back seat. 

I've been working more on serving Master and doing what He wants, rather than doing what I want. I've learned that I have been a far happier person with making Him happy, and it's felt nothing short of amazing. 

This past weekend was pretty awesome on its own. Usually I do not like the term "being used" but this has been something I have learned to accept and even come to love. Something about being used by Him has made me feel incredibly free. 

What has made me feel so appreciative over Him was the conversation we had the other morning. I am supposed to get my hair cut this Friday, and I have been feeling a little hesitant the past few days because He is going to be the one who pays for my hair cut. For most of our relationship, I have paid for everything I do, most of the time I paid for my food, and definitely paid for my haircuts. 

I had told Him I was feeling incredibly uncomfortable with this concept, and was thinking of cancelling my hair appointment. He asked why and I explained myself. I don't like the idea that He was using His money on me. (I recently had to quit my job because they had not given me any hours in 2 months. I was sick of the place anyways). What he said next kind of caught me off guard, but instantly put me in the best head space ever. 

He spoke "Well, you are my slave, my property, and I want to pay for that hair cut. Since you are my property, I am going to do what I want to do with you, and I'm going to pay for that hair appointment. Is that understood?" 

I couldn't help it. A smile crept across my face and I just replied with a simple "Yes, Sir." or maybe it was "Yes, Master." I forget now.. but for some reason that response from Him just made me melt in the passenger seat of His car. 

Perhaps it was they way He said it, but I truly felt owned the very second He said that. A huge part of me loves that I can finally feel comfortable with this. It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable with giving up my "rights" (so to speak) and give into His wishes, wants, and whims. 

For once, I feel okay. I feel happy that our relationship has ended up this way, and I have never felt more submissive to Him in my life. I think I'm finally understanding what it means to be happy by serving Him. One step at a time, I'm learning how free I can be by serving Him, and I've never felt better about myself.