Positive Reinforcement

If there is anything that I have learned since becoming a slave, is that a relationship like this takes a lot patience, communication, devotion, and love. There is one thing though that snapped me back into reality just a little bit ago, and gave me a feeling like no other. That feeling can not be describe as mere happiness, or joy, or even pride. It's much bigger than that to me, and words are so minuscule to even dare try to phrase it.


Today, I was assigned a task. A small task that really did not require much thought at all. I was to clean the area between Master's bed and the closet, then clean the bed. Simple as that. For some reason, though, I felt the need, or rather want, to take it up a notch. I did as I was told, and then I decided to make the bed, then to clean by the t.v. stand, and I even put away all of the DVD's, movies, and books into a storage tub that fits neatly underneath Master's bed. I even decided to plug up Master's PS3 controllers so they would be charged by the time He wanted to play His games next. I also rearranged a few other things in the room so that there is plenty of space to move around, and neither of us would be tripping over it. 


Most of that was stuff I decided to do on my own, without Him asking, and I have to admit, I was pretty proud of myself. 


After I finished, I patiently waited till He got off work before preparing myself for the final touch. I heard Him pull up to the house in the truck around 6 P.M. this evening, and quickly positioned myself in the Nadu position in the middle of the now clean floor. A smile crept to my face as I heard the door open and heard His voice from the first floor of the house. He always lets me know He is home by saying "Hello" or something similar.


As I heard His foot steps ascending the stairs, I felt my smile get bigger.


"Hey hon."


"Hi Master."


"Oh hello~" He said with a smile.


"It's nice coming home to this."


The conversation carried on with Him complimenting on how nice the room looked, and I mentioned that a few other things were different. He couldn't quite figure it out, so I reached under the bed to pull out the box that held his games, books, and movies.


"Remember you had a hard time finding a place to put all of this? Well that is no longer a problem."


The smile upon His face was nice to see, but what really made the moment was when He embraced me in His arms telling me that this was a good thing, and that I was a good girl. That right there was the best thing I have heard all day, and brought a certain warmness and joy into my heart. Even removing His shoes after a long day made me feel at "Home." That was when it hit me, almost like an epiphany of sorts...


Positive reinforcement is key. It's one thing to want to serve, and to be given orders, but it's another thing when the Master is pleased, and in return the slave is pleased because he/she is rewarded with something as simple as "You're a good girl/boy." I not only was happy with making Him happy, but it made me feel wonderful to know that my efforts were not in vain and that, most of all, I was appreciated. Appreciation strikes home more with me than anything, because I have never really felt appreciated in my life. I think Master knows this, so something like a "thank you" or a little praise goes a long way with me. 


I was just asked by Him a few minutes ago of what I wanted as a reward for what I have done for Him, but to be honest, I already feel as if I've received my "reward."


~*~Anastassia~*~

Redefining What Being A slave Means To Me

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but lately it seems my relationship with Master has been having more downs than ups. For the last two nights we have done almost nothing but fought, and that is not normal for us. Last night, Master threatened to take my collar away again, and I was told that I am basically not being compliant. For a second there, I almost thought He was going to say I was not worthy for the collar or for Him to be my Master. I honestly thought He was going to say that by the look in His eyes. Being as angry as I was at that moment, I almost said I didn't care, but I just kept my mouth shut. 


To be honest, a part of me didn't care, but I think that was just me being stubborn, because if He had taken it away, I'd probably be really upset right about now. Instead, He placed the collar around my neck and I haven't taken it off since. I really don't know what is going to happen to us, or if anything will happen at all, but apparently Master is going to go through some "changes" and said that I need to change too. I had told Him "Forgive me if I don't believe you."


One of our main problems is that He says He going to do something, and doesn't necessarily stick with it. So it is really hard for me to believe Him sometimes when He says He is going to do something differently. I guess only time will tell. Not all of this is His fault. I have some spots to blame on as well, and He is right, I have been fighting Him here and there. It's really hard for me to submit to someone who doesn't necessarily assert their dominance. I hate to say it, but sometimes I feel like I could be a better Dom than He can. 


Master and I still have lots to learn when it comes to this lifestyle, and we still have lots of growing up to do. I just really hope we figure something out that actually works for us. This re-evaluating stuff is getting on my nerves. *sigh*


I'm really confused, heart broken and depressed over all of this. It just feels like every time we get something right, something else goes wrong. When is there ever going to be a happy median? At any rate, it seems I have a lot to think about, and we have lots to discuss. Master should be here any minute now, and I want to be ready to talk to Him. I'll make another post later when I find out what is going to happen to us and what-not. 


~*~Anastassia~*~

Sensual Massage

As I stated yesterday, while Master and I were out for our anniversary we stopped at a book store in the mall and I got a book on erotic massages. Master has always loved getting massages from me, and for someone who really never had any "training" on it, but picked up merely from paying attention to how my friend gave one to me, I learned real quick how to give a relaxing massage that could work down deep in the muscles.


Feeling it was time for a new twist on things, I bought this book for us, to learn how to do different types of massages. Preferably sensual and erotic ones. So this afternoon after I got off work (which I got out an hour early cause we were over-staffed!) I sat down and briefly read up on the first chapter. Sensual Massage. For the most part it, it was something I've always done, but I noticed one thing that I never really thought about, and that was "gliding." Letting one's fingers gently glide across their lover's body, and applying light pressure and "kneading." 


Most of the time I apply a slight amount of pressure, mainly to work out the knots that Masters' back so easily gets. This time, I focused on this gliding technique, and I witnessed something amazing. In a matter of mere seconds, Master was like putty in my hands. He melted right into the bed and I'm fairly certain that in a few short minutes He had fallen asleep on the spot. 


After working on His back, shoulders and neck for about a half an hour, I woke Him up and got Him to steady Himself to a sitting position. This is when I tried something else that I had never tried before. Giving Him a facial and head massage. (Giggity). 


Now, I know this sounds sexual, but it really wasn't. It was legit massaging His face, forehead, cheeks, chin, nose, and his scalp. As if He weren't a pile of Master goo already, that certainly did the trick. I was very gentle, and even caressed His face a bit, and just gently rubbed and scratched at His scalp. Once I was done, not only was Master fully relaxed and allowed to lay on His back, but I noticed He was rock hard. 


A grin crept on my face when I noticed, but I really payed no mind to it and headed to the restroom. It was when I was walking that I noticed something off about me. Sure enough I too was aroused, and I had even soaked through my panties as well. I guess there is a first for everything. 


I sat and thought about it, though, and for another first I too was extremely relaxed, as if I had been the one getting a massage. It made sense to me, though, as I had literally put what bit of energy I had left in me to do it. And by energy, I mean legit energy, not will power. Energy ebbs and flows just the like ocean, and it is very much transferable if one knows how to do it, and do it right. We can give energy just the same as we can take it, and what I did was simply a matter of give and take. Kind of like a current. With contact, I was able to channel His energy into me, and give me energy to Him, if that makes any sense. 


At any rate, after realizing it, I just couldn' help be feel highly satisfied. Not only had our very first session of this new book go right, but it went better than expected. Almost perfect, I'd dare say.


What a pleasing evening.


~*~Anastassia~*~