This week has been something else. Last weekend Master's grades came back and they were definitely less than ideal, and Saturday His mother decided to take a lot of her frustrations out on me. I won't get into to the details, but it has me and Master pretty upset. He's not even really talking to her.
In a way, I feel bad that it has come to that, but at the same time, the way she treated us was not only immature, but down right petty, so I don't feel nearly as bad for her if she hadn't brought it upon herself.
Some of the things she had said to me has left me feeling so self-conscious lately... I usually don't let people's negativity bring me down, but this was someone I looked up to, and really trusted and really respected... so her harsh words have made quite the impact.
She made me feel like I was using Master, and basically made me feel worthless with very little effort. I haven't felt like this in years. I'm trying to work past it and trying to re-convince myself that I'm not a bad person, that I don't use Master, and that I am a great help to Him when He needs it.
On top of it, Master and I have not had time in well over a month to do anything kinky, or really even get back into the swing of things with our relationship, let alone have sex. When we finally get a chance to have sex, I'm so drained and exhausted from all the activity I've been doing to lose weight, and studying I've had to do, I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep.
Hell, all week long I've been going to bed before 11pm, and I usually don't get to bed before 12am. I STILL don't feel like I'm resting well either.
I'm seriously about to pull my hair out. Things have GOT to go back to normal here soon. I need alone time with Master so we can just be ourselves. I miss serving Him, having sex with Him, and even being able to play with Him.
Finals are in two weeks, and I still don't know if we're going to the beach... I think Masters' parents are going out of town the very first weekend of June, so hopefully I can be off work that weekend and we can spend some quality time together. If not.. then I guess I'll just have to cope.
Plus, we promised to help out some friends while they move, but things have been so nuts lately we don't know if they even need our help. So.. I don't even know what is going on with that. I just want everything to go back to normal... I need some sanity back in my life.
~*~Anastassia~*~
Oh Kitty, I'm sorry :( Sounds like things are mad stressful over there. Lots and lots of internet hugs, and I hope everything falls into place sooner rather than later.
ReplyDelete<3 Sai
I can totally relate....as you know, things are crazy here, too, and, aside from a little play today while my mom was gone, I can't tell you the last time Panda and I had some nice alone time...I know how stressful that can make things, especially when the rest of the world is falling down around you...
ReplyDeleteStay positive, though--you're definitely *not* worthless, and just watching you two together, it's obvious that you don't use Evan, or anything like that. That's just her trying to transfer some of her own issues onto you...don't let it get you down. It's really not true.
I love you, and I'm here if you need me, as always <3
@albinofemme: *hugs back* Thanks hon. I appreciate it. I hope things go back to normal over here too. I feel like things are starting to spiral out of control. My health has not been back to normal since the hospital either, and that has me worried. (I'm still getting nauseated a lot, and that is not normal).
ReplyDelete@Bre: Thank you. I really needed to read that. *hugs tight* I love you too. I know I'm full of worth, it's just hard feeling that way sometimes when someone you look up to treats you like that. You know? It's okay, I'm starting to feel a little better. Maybe this week will be better or us. Hope all clears up with you over there. <3