Arachnophobia Rears Its Ugly Head

I am terrified of spiders of all shapes and sizes. So terrified that it practically leaves me debilitated. Even a simple picture of a spider has been known to bring me to tears and leave me paranoid for hours afterwords. 


This morning I awoke to my father asking me to wash the dishes because we are about to receive a new stove and the kitchen needed to be clean. Okay, no problem. Was not fun waking up to having to go straight into washing dishes, but whatever. 


So I get myself dressed and put on my dish washing gloves and start moving the dishes around so I can put the stopper in the drain. As I'm moving dishes around, what do I find? Two brown recluses chillin' in the sink, now desperately trying to get away from me. This freaks me out, but I quickly turn on the hot water on the faucet and start blasting them with steaming hot water. 


Naturally, I'm a little shaken up at this point (having arachnophobia and all) but I kill them and send them down the drain and I can finally breathe. That is until I notice another fucking spider on the sink that has what looks like a damn egg sac on its back. After blasting that one with hot water, I'm pretty much trembling with fear because in less than five minutes of being awake I have already kill three fucking spiders. 


After calming my nerves and clearing them out and killing them, I was finally able to run the water and get the dishes soaking in hot soapy water. At that point, there was no way to describe how perfectly shot my nerves were. So there I am, getting ready to wash the dishes and low and behold there is fourth spider crawling on the window sill right above the kitchen sink. 


This was like a nightmare come true. I ended up getting Master to kill that one later on, and I have not been able to shake the creeped out feeling like they are fucking every where and crawling on me since. To top it off, I had my dad sitting off to the side being a lazy good for nothing laughing at me saying that "it wasn't such a big deal" when really, it is to someone who has a phobia of the damn things! 


I hate when this shit happens. Even typing this out, I've had to stop several times and freaking brush off my back and arms and legs because I feel like they are all over me. I hate even more when people make fun of me for this. It's not like I haven't tried everything I could think of to get rid of my phobia. 


I mean.. I literally have done EVERYTHING I can think of, except trying to touch them. Some days, I can keep my cool until the thing is dead, but in the end I always end up in a corner somewhere fucking crying like a baby. I hate it. I wish I weren't terrified of them. I wish I could be like most other people and shrug it off when I see one and tell myself "Eh.. it'll be gone in no time", or kill it without ever having a fucking panic attack either in the process of or after killing it.


What makes it all worse is when I always have at least one person off to the side making fun of me for it. They think making jokes about it will calm me down, when in reality, in only makes the situation 10x worse. 


I swear to god, if I see one more spider today.. I'm going to lose it.. I feel surrounded by them right now and it is absolutely unnerving....


~*~Anastassia~*~