Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Lack of Time

There has been very little to no time for "kink" in our lives as of recently. Master is working now and works the same exact schedule as His father, so they always get home at the same time every evening, I've been going through a "training period" with Master in order to earn my collar back, getting enrolled in school (which classes start tomorrow) and on the off chance we have any time left, we've been spending that free time with friends or His parents.

Alone time has diminished GREATLY over the past month, and it's starting to slowly wear at me now. 

I'm finding it harder and harder to figure out ways to serve Master, as we do not live together and do not have a place of our own. We're hoping to fix that sometime soon in the future, however, and I really do hope that happens, but.. In this day and age, shit is getting hard, especially with finances. As of right now, the only way we could live together is if Master had a job that payed over $10 an hour and He worked 5 days out of the week. Being that isn't the case, and I only work weekends now, yeah.. this is.. ugh.. I just don't like thinking about it.

The only domestic things I can do without giving our lifestyle away to either set of parents is make Him food, clean up stuff around the house when He tells me to (unbeknownst to my parents), occasionally clean Him when we get lucky enough to get a shower in together, give Him massages, and fetch Him something to drink.

Even then, I can't say "Yes Sir." too loud, I can't surprise Him at the door by kneeling there and waiting on His return, I can't have myself naked and waiting for Him to do anything with me He pleases. He can't use me as often as we'd like due to not living together. Honestly, I sometimes feel a bit pathetic. 

I've had people laugh at our situation, tell me that we're not living a "real M/s lifestyle" and that what we're doing is silly. I don't feel that way. I feel like what we are doing is trying to cope the best with what we have right now. 

Sure, I'm not a live in slave yet, but we're working towards that. That is what matters. It just hurts hearing from people that we are just basically "playing house". It may look that way, but I feel there is something much more there between us than us just "playing house". I am learning what I can do for Him when the time comes that we move in together. I am preparing myself for when the situation arises. I just wish some others could see it like that, instead of being so negative.

On top of all of this, working towards getting my collar back, is even harder for me because of the lack of time we have together. If we lived together, I'm sure it would only take a couple of months, depending on my progress, but the way things are going, I have no idea WHEN I'm going to get it back, and it's heart breaking. The less time we have together to work on this and ourselves, the longer this process is going to take. 

I really feel like crying right now. I'm not losing my faith, but it is hard to keep focus when we have little to no precious time. I just.. don't know how we are going to get through this. I know we will somehow, but the road ahead of us is very unclear, and it worries me. I just hope for the best, every single day, and keep praying that our questions will some day be answered. 

Here's to the future.



  1. Sis,
    I honestly have to say that with what you have to work with, you two are doing great. Do not let others get you down. You two are going to make it. I promise. I have been around the two of you now long enough to be able to tell that there is real emotion and dedication there.

    Be it live in, or part time doesn't matter. What matters is that you do, what you do. You are who you are and you hold your head high because you do work with what you have instead of giving up, or giving in like so many others before you.

    Do not let them spoil your mood, or your thoughts. You are an amazing person, with a will that rivals the very rock our earth is built upon. Keep pushing through it, and just deal one day at a time hon. YOU WILL MAKE IT! *hugs*

  2. Darling one, I read your post and I think it is sad that people are being so disparaging to your relationship - it is M/s, and i think perhaps more so, because it sounds like you're being tested in the ultimate way, to show commitment for the role, practice focus and control, and look after yourself in the process. We have a rule that the slave needs to be well to serve the Master. Do you have that rule too? I believe you will get your collar back, but perhaps set your focus to yourself, to the core of what it means to be His slave and then I think you will find you are already doing all those amazing things and being that person you want to be.

    Your commitment to your Master shines in this post - i'm sure He can see that too.

    *love and hugs*

  3. Thank you, to the both of you, for the support. It's highly appreciated. I love you both and I think this is going to really work out just fine! =D *hugs back to both of you* <3