Confessions.

For those of you who may follow my blog, I have posted a lot about a certain friend of mine. I typically refer to her as Angel, and even posted a recent blog about us being able to hang out again. If you've read that blog, I noted that we kind of made a connection of sorts, in which she opened up to me, and that I was very proud of her. Well, I also realized something else that day that got me thinking a lot, and eventually, I couldn't really get it out of my head. (Well, I could, but it would always come back later on in the day).


I really liked Angel. I mean, I liked Angel, a little more than in a friendly way. Now, this isn't exactly new to me, per-say, but it was something that didn't entirely hit me 100% till that day. I knew in the past there were times when I would look at her and think to myself "Wow.. she is just so awesome." almost in an admiring way. Nothing too serious, but I really admired her, and there has always been something about her that fascinated me since we practically first met. 


At first, I thought I just was possibly intrigued by her piercing blue eyes. Or maybe it was the way she carried herself so gracefully, but turns out it was more of her personality than anything. Don't get me wrong, she is very pretty, but personalities are far more attractive to me than physical looks any day. 


At any rate, one could say I've always had a teeny crush on her, but it was really nothing extreme or anything like that. In fact, I barely noticed it.... For the most part, that is. 


That day though, when she leaned on me on the couch, I haven't felt my heart race like that since... well it's been a while. Master makes my heart race in ways one could only imagine, but I recognized this type of rapid heart beat, and it was one of me being nervous. At first, I didn't get it, but I got to thinking about it, and then the pieces kind of fell into place later that night. 


I remember lying in bed, tossing and turning. I couldn't get that feeling out of my head, and that is when it clicked. I have a crush on Angel.... I have a legit crush on Angel, and I am in a relationship. 


Not skipping a beat, though, I picked up my phone and dialed my Master's number. I knew we both had to be up early the next day, as He had work, and I had classes, but this was something I had to get off my chest immediately. I proceeded to tell him that I had feelings of a sort for our friend, and that I hoped He would understand that this didn't mean I didn't love Him any less, and that it didn't mean I was going to leave Him, or anything like that. 


I was freaking out. No lie. 


He eventually calmed me down, and told me that He knew that I didn't love Him any less, and that everything was going to be alright. What was even more of a relief, was that He wasn't upset at all. (Master, I freaking love you. You have always been so understanding, and you have NO idea how much that means to me). 


Something that did make me nervous, however, was when he said "I kind of figured you did." implying that it was rather obvious. This, threw me into a bit of a panic mode. I kept wondering if her and her master knew. If I really was that obvious. If she had always known. And my mind was once again racing with random thoughts.


Anyways, to get to the main point of this post, I ended up telling her a couple days ago. (It wasn't even a week later. This was how bad it was irking at me). At first, I went about telling her that there was something bothering me, and I told her that I had a crush on a friend, who was a girl. I didn't outright tell her that it was her that I was speaking of, but there was something she said to me, that started getting me paranoid at one point... Something that made me think that she actually knew I was speaking of her. 


It went something along the lines of "It's up to you to tell her how you feel. You never know, she may even like you back. In the end, you can decide whether or not to tell her, but if you don't, you may regret it." Or something similar to that. I'm not going to look back at the message, cause that would be creepy to quote that. Haha~! Or not.. I don't know. 


Anyways, I stopped messaging her for a short amount of time, to talk things out with Master. I asked Him repeatedly if I should tell her, and He seemed supportive, but He also was kind of like "Maybe you should wait for a while." I was already paranoid at that point, and I even looked at Master and said "My god.. she KNOWS~!" (I am not good under pressure like this, at all). 


So what was my next move, you ask? I told her. I sent her a text saying that I needed to talk to her about something, and that once I sent the message, I would text her to let her know. So I typed it up. I told her that I've had feelings for her for a while, and that I wasn't looking to ruin anything with her and her master's relationship. That even if she didn't like me back, that I just wanted to be honest with her. I told her that I had hoped she wouldn't hate me, and that we could keep things okay with us. I didn't want to make things awkward.


After I sent her the message, I waited. I was a nervous wreck at this point, because I really cherish the friendship I have with her, and I didn't want to ruin that friendship. After refreshing my page minutes later, I saw that I had a message from her.


The response I got, I swear, made my day. Not only was it something I did not expect, but I literally beamed the rest of the night. It turned out, that she liked me back! And that her master had actually been trying to get her to tell me, too! Talk about a shocker and a relief all in one. I also found out that she had been meaning to tell me, but like me, hadn't worked up the courage to say anything. (Of course she admitted I beat her to the punch. =P)


So, we ended up telling each of our Master's after we talked about it, and we agreed that nothing would be awkward between us, even if nothing came out of this. (That was the biggest relief of all, and what made this whole thing so much better for me). I guess, now our Master's are going to talk to each other about this, and.. we'll see where all of this goes. And even if it doesn't "go", then hey, at least it's a worry off of both of our shoulders, and we benefit from it either way. 


I like to think that this has made our friendship even stronger. ^.^ And that is good enough for me.


Here's to a new adventure of sorts!


Anastassia


Also, if you want to know what Angel thinks about all of this, you can read her post here.