Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Demons Within Me

I have fears that feel almost out of this world. In retro spect, not much frightens me, but there are certain things in this world that strike fear in my heart. The things that affect me this way are kind of hard to convey, though I will try my best to explain.

I can watch a simple horror movie and be perfectly fine. I can even watch movies of people getting killed in the most gruesome ways by another human, and I won't so much as bat an eye. Things that "go bump in the night", however, mess with my head in ways rather unimaginable.

Night before last, I failed to sleep more than two hours. All evening long I was watching paranormal videos and crap that I was well aware was fake. I had it in my head that none of it was real, and I believed it. My subconscious, however, was not thoroughly convinced.

It is a well known fact that the mind is the strongest thing about the human body. It can make you believe things that one normally wouldn't believe in. That night was no exception. I suddenly had heart stopping images pop up in my head of the Slender Man coming into my room, much like he did in those Marble Hornets videos, and basically killing me. Images of him looming over me and just never leaving. Needless to say my light never went off during night, though that didn't really help. After all he had been seen in bright daylight multiple times.

I do not understand why these things bother me so much. I KNOW it is not real in the least, so why must my head play these tricks on me? I feel so pathetic.... I'm twenty years old and things like this still unnerve me....

It's a wonder that ghost hunting doesn't terrify me. Based on my fear of all these other things, one would think that spirits would scare the piss out of me, but they don't. Saying that I'm baffled about all of this would be an understatement.

I've came to the realization that I am more afraid of things that I know are not real, versus all the things I know are real. I know murderers, rapists, spirits, etc. are all real, and one would think that is something to be more terrified of, but my mind works quite the opposite. Instead, I'm afraid of made up shit.

Hell, the Dead Space game series scare the piss out of me... NONE OF IT IS REAL! Tell me a rapist is loose in our nearby area? Other than being a little cautious, I'm fine! The pattern here is... odd. I just don't understand why I'm like this. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that the things that scare me are not real, it still gets to me. 

Perhaps, I have some issues I need to deal with. I feel it is about time I do some soul searching and look within myself. Find out why I do this, why this bothers me so much, and try to fix it. 



  1. I know exactly how you feel...I'm the *exact* same way. I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, and not be freaked out...but, that night, when I go to bed, it all comes back to me and I start freaking out.

    The issue for me is (using your last example there), that the rapist is for-sure real, but there's a good chance he won't really get you, as long as you're cautious. The "unreal" thing on the other scarier, because we trick ourselves into thinking it's unreal, lull ourselves into a false sense of security, and, if the thing turned out to actually be real...that'd be the best time for it to attack, when our guard is down.

    That's just the way I think of it, at least...there's always the chance that the unreal thing *might* be real, and if it is, that it can get you...

  2. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do exactly what you just said there. I just don't understand why I STILL do it... you know? I mean... I don't know... All I know is that it effects me so bad that I literally lose sleep over it.

    I saw some friends I barely get to see last night, and I hardly interacted with them. This stuff REALLY gets to me, and I'm sick of practically being scared of my own shadow, you know?

    Kind of makes me a little more calm, though not feel any better, knowing that someone else experiences this too.

    Do you have any tips that may help me out? =/

  3. I lose sleep over it, too--or, when I do finally fall asleep, I have nightmares. It's not every night, just after I've been exposed to something that gets to me...

    Don't really have any advice, unfortunately...I mostly just deal with it as best as I can, until it goes away. Sometimes praying and asking for protection helps--I guess it's that feeling that, if something supernatural *was* going to attack me, I have supernatural back-up, you know? But, that's all I've got...>_<

  4. That is good enough for me. Thanks. ^.^

  5. I know exactly how you feel here--I'm 28 and still afraid of things that go bump in the night. Maybe things we know are real are less scary because we can define them and rate our chances?