Sunday, September 25, 2011

Uncalled For Emotions

There are days in my life where I get this sudden overwhelming feeling of anxiety and frustration throughout the day. Nothing seems to trigger this, and it can happen at any given moment. Anytime from when I wake up, to in the middle of the day, to right before I go to bed. They are seriously at random, and it has been something that I have dealt with ever since I was a kid. 

Today was one of those days.

I woke up this morning around 9:30 and immediately felt energetic. Something that is very rare for me as soon as I wake up. From the get go, I just wanted to move. I wanted to go somewhere, to walk around, do something, and the more I sat around doing nothing, the more irritated I got. I have no idea why, but I just did. I was happy once I got in the car to head over to Master's place, but as soon as I got my breakfast down, I wanted to be on the move again.

Sadly, that wasn't going to happen. Master had homework that is due first thing in the morning, and He had yet to finish it. There was a bit of a long board race in Milton that I really wanted to go to, and was surprised to see that Master did not, so I just sat there and watched tv all day. 

We eventually went to the park with His mom and walked around the park, so I was feeling alright at that point, but my agitation only increased throughout the day when my plans for getting a hair cut (rather, trim) was cut off because He wanted to go on that walk with His mom, and just other things that happened throughout the day that was fueling my ever increasing irritation. 

Point is, I still don't feel right, and I haven't felt right all day. Maybe it's the new set of hormones being put into my body by the new birth control I'm on. Maybe it's just my head wasn't in the right place today. I have no idea what causes this, but I do know that the fact I do this alone makes me feel highly annoyed. Mainly for the fact that I can't figure out why it happens. 

Another thing that was weird that happened today is that I had the sudden urge to want to be hurt by Master. I just wanted Him to hurt me. More mentally than physically, but I just wanted something to happen. There has only been a few times where He will do something to literally fuck with my head, but as that usually takes me a while to get in that mindset, and then get out of it, we have very little time for it. (Can NOT wait to move the fuck out....)

It may be the masochist in me talking, or maybe I'm crazy in the head, but I really wanted Him to mess me up mentally today. Nothing beyond repair, mind you, but I just wanted and needed to have that done. Problem is, Master can't always seem to tap in to that. (MANIPULATED! Yeah...that sounds about right). He says He's really never had to, which I can understand that, but it doesn't make me want it less. (It would be so freaking hot if He could do the Vulcan Mind Meld or something. LOL I'm such a nerd).

I hope I'm making sense here.... And not sounding like a nutty freak.... I just think if mind manipulation is done right, and not in a way to harm someone, it can actually be a bit of a turn on. Does that make sense? I don't even know...

I dyed my hair red again today. It's very pretty. I love it, and Master loves it. It feels good to be a red head. I feel sexy with red hair. I feel like me. I have the fiery personality of a typical red headed person, so it just feels... perfect.

I think I should go to bed now...



  1. I think the irritation stuff may be caused by hormones, especially since you just switched pills. I know that, whenever I'm off my pill, or when my endo causes my hormones to act up, I act the same way...Hopefully, it'll get better for you soon.

    Also, I understand the idea of wanting mental mind fucks. That's one of my favorite parts of a scene, honestly, when He can get inside my're not weird or anything ^_^

  2. Oh thank god! Lol To be honest, it was really hard to write about that and talk about it to Master last night. I couldn't find the right words to say, you know?

    I'm feeling a LOT better today though. More on that later. ^.^