It seems like these days everyone is getting engaged. Almost all of my friends are engaged, or else living with their partners or something of that variety....
When is it going to be my turn?
November 18th of this year will be my three year anniversary with Master, and other than having a serious relationship, that is pretty much as far as it goes. I hate talking about the future with Him because all I ever hear is "It won't be that long." or "It will happen someday, I promise." And promises are nice and all, but promises can be broken. It's not like I don't trust my Master, I do, it's just... I feel like I should be going somewhere with this relationship. I enjoy being His slave, but I want to be His live in 24/7 slave. I want a place with Him. I want to be able to come home and prepare meals for us, and keep our home clean. I want to lay my head down next to His at night, and then when I wake up in the morning, I want for Him to still be there.
It's been nearly three fucking years, and it's so frustrating!!!
Sure, I want to be His fiance, but I wouldn't be thinking about it so much if I were at least living with Him. After all, that is the step before engagement for us. I keep getting told to be patient. To just worry about the "here and now", and that it will happen "soon enough". Well "soon enough" really doesn't seem all that soon to me. In fact, it feels like we're going to be living in separate homes for the next few years while we go through college, and I'm SICK OF IT!
I'm so tired of sleeping alone! I'm so tired of waking up alone, and hearing His voice through the phone, not in person. I'm tired of hiding our relationship all the time because we're constantly near family. I'm so fucking sick and tired of having limited time to have sex and play time with my own fucking Master because we have to worry when His fucking parents are going come home!
I really have no idea how much of this shit I can take! It's driving me mad! I hate living at home with my parents. I love them to death, and we are definitely getting along more often these days, but I just need to be on my own! I need a place to call my own, and pay my own bills, and take care of my own shit on my own time! I'm sick of taking care of THEIR house.
When is it going to be my turn to move in with my partner? When will it be my turn to get a cat or dog of my very own in my own place? When will it be my turn to get engaged, then married and have kids?! WHEN?! I have never been more patient in my life, and I'm tired of being so fucking patient.
I know I have no choice, but it doesn't mean I can't get upset over it. Whether any of us like it or not, this upsets me enough, and my nerves are starting to run thin. Maybe I'm being over-reactive, or maybe I'm being irrational, but I mean.. come on! Can anyone really blame me? For wanting to be out with my partner in a place we own together? Is it stupid? Am I foolish for it? Am I being selfish?
Fuck...
~*~Anastassia~*~
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