Person Not of Interest

Master always tells me that I am an interesting person. My reply generally remains the same, "Only to you." To be honest, that is how I feel. I don't feel that I'm interesting, and a lot of times, I don't think others find me interesting either. That's fine and all, but I have reasons for believing this. 


On many occasions, I will be talking to a friend, or even some random person who wishes to talk to me, and after a couple of seconds it always seems like they are starting to either ignore me or lose interest in what I'm saying. A certain friend of mine, whom I work with, will ask me something and as soon as I start to answer she almost immediately turns away and starts to talk to someone else. That, or she interrupts me and starts talking about herself. To clarify, though, she doesn't always do this, but it happens more often than I'd like it to. 


It unnerves me. It makes me feel like I'm boring, or that my opinion doesn't matter to her. She's not the only one either. My dad does it too. In fact, in most cases it's more or less he seems to just be blocking me out completely. I have to repeat myself several times when I talk to him because he straight up was not listening or paying me any attention. It drives me insane! I hate having to repeat myself, but most of all, repeat myself several times! I'm lazy and want to conserve the energy it takes to repeat myself. Haha.....


At the very most, I just wish people would tell me that I'm boring them. I'd take more offense if someone just blatantly turned away than if they said "Hey, you're droning on." or "What you are saying is not of interest to me." Or even "Please get to the point." If someone just took the time to say that, I would be happy! My response would be "Okay, sorry." or something like that, and I'd be fine! It's when they turn away, or interrupt me is when I start getting pissed off. No one likes being ignored, and honestly, I don't like it either. i'm not a huge attention seeker, but dammit, if someone is going to talk to me, they better fucking listen, or else just tell me "hold on." SOMETHING! 


I can not stand it!


Those aren't the only reasons I don't feel I'm interesting, though. In most cases, my life is very boring. I get up early, I go to school, I come home, get on the computer, do homework, see Master, and then later on in the evening I go to bed. It's a routine. A routine I'm actually very sick of. Sure, occasionally something cool will happen. I'll go to a party or a sort, or hang out with Angel and have awesome game nights with her and her Master, but times like that for me are far and few in between. 


Unlike most people, I don't have friends I see every single day. I don't get invited to do very many things, and I could easily be labeled as a loner. These are all reasons why I feel I'm uninteresting. These are also things I REALLY want to change about myself.


I want to have stories to tell, I want to be surrounded by people I love and know, I want to be able to strike up a conversation with someone who won't get bored of me in a mere few seconds. I want more friends like Angel, who care how I am, and who actually wants to "catch up" with me and hear of the things going on in my life. I'm sick of having people in my life that don't seem to give two shits of what is going on with me, and then pretend they know everything. They don't. They don't know shit about me. 


Which is also fine. I don't need people knowing about every single move that I make, and how often I inhale and exhale throughout the day.


I just want to be a person of interest....


~*~Anastassia~*~