Well the chilling fall weather has officially set in for the year, and it looks like things are about to start getting really cold as it comes with this time of the year. Typically, I'm more of a spring and summer type person, but autumn has its very own charm that comes along with it, and there are some awesome treats that are made only at this time of the year. Treats such as cranapple granola hot and fresh out of the oven, pumpkin spiced muffins that are sweet and have a distinct taste, and my favorite of all, hot apple cider. Sure, it's more of a drink than anything, but to me it's a fantastic fall treat and I'm always so excited for it every single year.
One thing that almost always seems to follow the fall season, other than the cold crappy weather, is the typical common colds and flu as well as other illnesses. Guess who's already fighting a cold that feels more like a sinus cold than anything? That's right. Me. This bites. Haha
On Friday it started off as a slight sore throat. Eventually as the day went on, I started noticing that my throat had become swollen, and it was harder for me to breathe. Saturday I was about the same. Sunday, I was better, and now today I'm all congested, light headed, can barely breathe, and starting to feel achy. Now while my throat no longer hurts, it's became on the itchy side.
Oh well, I got to sip on some delicious hot apple cider a little bit ago, and enjoy some mini pumpkin spiced muffins. Great stuff right there. Time to make myself cozy and snuggle up to Master, and enjoy more hot apple cider. ^.^
~*~Anastassia~*~
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
First Play Party Was A HUGE Success!!!!
Last night was the TAPE Halloween play party, and I had been anticipating this for a couple of months now. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect, so I was kind of going in there a bit on the blind side. Master and I got there around 7p.m. last night, and started talking to the other people there, who turned out to be really funny and nice people. It was definitely awesome meeting others in the lifestyle, and getting to know that some of the people I talked to, had a lot of things in common with me, both vanilla and kinky! It was also really nice seeing some familiar faces, like Certari, Red, Silver, PolyBrat, and GlassSpider.
After we had our feast of some of the most delicious food I've had in a while, we got to socialize quite a bit more before the real fun started. I noticed that Red was there, and I hadn't had the chance to say "hi" to him at that point, so I pretty much edged my way over to him, greeted him with a hug and started a conversation with him about the rope that he makes (which I got to find out how sturdy that rope was too! More on that later, though). Eventually, Red ended up showing me his violet want, and the collection of bulbs and conductors he had with him. This is what set me off into a spree of kink for the rest of the night.
At one point, he draped a sequin cloth over my shoulders and loosely wrapped it around my body. With Master watching, Red showed us how it could conduct electricity and there were little streaks of lightning going around the area he touched with the violet wand. Talk about freaking awesome. What was even cooler, Red had also made some rope that had these gold metallic strips weaved right into the rope, and it too conducted electricity!
Not wanting to miss out on that, I got bound to the St. Andrew's Cross they had there by that same type of rope. Master got to take a turn with the violent wand and the amount of electricity that surged all around my body felt freaking amazing. They also used a wartenburg wheel attachment on the violet wand, and I still have those pretty little teeth marks on my body from it. ^.^ It was definitely a cool experience.
After all the electricity play and what-not, I ended up taking a small break to get some water in my system, and even a nice little brownie to help with my endorphin rush. After taking a little breather, I got to talk to GlassSpider, and she ended up showing my these little needle things she slipped over her fingers, and it just felt so neat! Depending on the type of pressure she put into my skin, it could feel ticklish, or it could feel like you were getting lightly scratched. It was pretty nifty. She also had this really big heavy duty flogger that I absolutely could not resist trying out!
First she started out light and slow, but gradually went harder and faster till I could actually feel it stinging at times. I think I took it fairly hard before I finally have to give in and stop, but it was definitely a lot of fun, and she said my back pinked up really well. ^.^ It was such a pleasure letting her do that to me, and Master seemed to enjoy watching my reactions. We said our thank you's and I ended up giving her a hug. I come, come on! She deserved some love after that!
Again, I rested up a bit, and ended up doing something I never thought I was going to be able to do....
Get suspended!
Both Red and Silver worked on me to get me suspended about as comfortable as one could be while suspended 2 feet of the ground. To be honest, I was a bit scared. This was my first time ever being suspended by rope, but once again, I just could not resist. Heck, they knew what they were doing, and these were people I've met before and trusted. So after a grueling amount of time getting the rope on me just right, eventually they slowly started hoisting me up off the ground, and before too long, I was hanging in this Swiss Swing harness that Silver made, and I was fully suspended off the ground.
Did I mention I actually got naked for this? Oh yeah... definitely got naked. X3
It was a little uncomfortable, but it was so much fun hanging there in the air, and it just felt amazing. It didn't really hurt that much, and thanks to Silver, he put this scarf around my head and neck so that I would have support there too. If it weren't for the fact I was so tired, I would have hung there for longer than I did, but it was after 12am at this point (time FLIES) and Master and I were getting tired and worn out.
After they helped me out of the rigging, and got my clothes back on, I made my rounds giving everyone hugs and saying my "thank you's" and letting everyone know I was happy I got to meet and talk with them, Master and I headed home for the night.
I slept like a freaking baby, and I'm still feeling that little after party high that one gets from all those endorphin rushes for an extended amount of time. Last night was amazing, and I really hope I get to go to more play parties like this. It was definitely worth it, and I would do it over and over again.
If there was anyone I left out in this, I'm very sorry, but know that I love all of you wonderful people,a nd just thank you again, so much, for the wonderful night you gave me!
Sincerely,
A Very Happy Slave
~*~Anastassia~*~
After we had our feast of some of the most delicious food I've had in a while, we got to socialize quite a bit more before the real fun started. I noticed that Red was there, and I hadn't had the chance to say "hi" to him at that point, so I pretty much edged my way over to him, greeted him with a hug and started a conversation with him about the rope that he makes (which I got to find out how sturdy that rope was too! More on that later, though). Eventually, Red ended up showing me his violet want, and the collection of bulbs and conductors he had with him. This is what set me off into a spree of kink for the rest of the night.
At one point, he draped a sequin cloth over my shoulders and loosely wrapped it around my body. With Master watching, Red showed us how it could conduct electricity and there were little streaks of lightning going around the area he touched with the violet wand. Talk about freaking awesome. What was even cooler, Red had also made some rope that had these gold metallic strips weaved right into the rope, and it too conducted electricity!
Not wanting to miss out on that, I got bound to the St. Andrew's Cross they had there by that same type of rope. Master got to take a turn with the violent wand and the amount of electricity that surged all around my body felt freaking amazing. They also used a wartenburg wheel attachment on the violet wand, and I still have those pretty little teeth marks on my body from it. ^.^ It was definitely a cool experience.
After all the electricity play and what-not, I ended up taking a small break to get some water in my system, and even a nice little brownie to help with my endorphin rush. After taking a little breather, I got to talk to GlassSpider, and she ended up showing my these little needle things she slipped over her fingers, and it just felt so neat! Depending on the type of pressure she put into my skin, it could feel ticklish, or it could feel like you were getting lightly scratched. It was pretty nifty. She also had this really big heavy duty flogger that I absolutely could not resist trying out!
First she started out light and slow, but gradually went harder and faster till I could actually feel it stinging at times. I think I took it fairly hard before I finally have to give in and stop, but it was definitely a lot of fun, and she said my back pinked up really well. ^.^ It was such a pleasure letting her do that to me, and Master seemed to enjoy watching my reactions. We said our thank you's and I ended up giving her a hug. I come, come on! She deserved some love after that!
Again, I rested up a bit, and ended up doing something I never thought I was going to be able to do....
Get suspended!
Both Red and Silver worked on me to get me suspended about as comfortable as one could be while suspended 2 feet of the ground. To be honest, I was a bit scared. This was my first time ever being suspended by rope, but once again, I just could not resist. Heck, they knew what they were doing, and these were people I've met before and trusted. So after a grueling amount of time getting the rope on me just right, eventually they slowly started hoisting me up off the ground, and before too long, I was hanging in this Swiss Swing harness that Silver made, and I was fully suspended off the ground.
Did I mention I actually got naked for this? Oh yeah... definitely got naked. X3
It was a little uncomfortable, but it was so much fun hanging there in the air, and it just felt amazing. It didn't really hurt that much, and thanks to Silver, he put this scarf around my head and neck so that I would have support there too. If it weren't for the fact I was so tired, I would have hung there for longer than I did, but it was after 12am at this point (time FLIES) and Master and I were getting tired and worn out.
After they helped me out of the rigging, and got my clothes back on, I made my rounds giving everyone hugs and saying my "thank you's" and letting everyone know I was happy I got to meet and talk with them, Master and I headed home for the night.
I slept like a freaking baby, and I'm still feeling that little after party high that one gets from all those endorphin rushes for an extended amount of time. Last night was amazing, and I really hope I get to go to more play parties like this. It was definitely worth it, and I would do it over and over again.
If there was anyone I left out in this, I'm very sorry, but know that I love all of you wonderful people,a nd just thank you again, so much, for the wonderful night you gave me!
Sincerely,
A Very Happy Slave
~*~Anastassia~*~
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Getting Rid of You Once and For All....
Yesterday was quite the wake-up call for me....
It seems like ever since I became a teenager, my dad has slowly, but surely started pushing me away with his actions, and most of all, with his words. Throughout the years I have been screamed at more and more by my father, than I have anyone else in my life. Most of the time, it's over the stupidest of things.
It first started out with the clumsy 12 year old me, who used to accidentally drop cups and spill water all over the place. Or the occasional time when I spilled my food all over the floor... But that was small stuff. Sure, as I got older, I've learned to be more careful of my physical actions, so dropping things happens far less than it did back then. Granted, the biggest reason I don't drop things now, is because of my fear that someone will come at me and scream in my ear. Scream those horrible screams, telling me I'm a clumsy fool, that I need to "get my head out of my ass" and start paying attention.
Various other insults comes with that too...
As I grew older, the insults and screaming only got worse. Suddenly, I was being told that I was acting "just like my mother" who is possibly one of the most sick and insane people I know, and is probably the most evil person I know of too. He uses this as a way to get at me, because he knows that I try my hardest to be nothing like her. He uses his insults to best kick my psychological butt, and the sad part it always works.
Last year he left me standing in the cold rain of November by the Kroger after 11 o'clock at night. By the time I made it to my friends apartment, my feet were frozen and sopping wet, and my clothes were wet as well. I ended up staying with my friends that night, and getting little to no sleep. There is a lot more to that story, but basically, if he were to tell the story, it would be all my fault.
It's always my fault. For some reason, the parent is "always right" and the child never gets it right. They don't have enough experience, or maturity to get it right.
That is what I'm always told.
Yesterday... yesterday pretty much broke me on the inside. Once again, it was over the stupidest thing in the fucking world.
Basically, in a nut shell, my dad had asked if I wanted anything to eat, when I replied with the answer "sure" (as in yes, I'd like to have something to eat) I got told with an agitated tone from my dad that "Sure is not an option on the menu." My first reply back to that was "Okay, I said 'sure' as in 'yes, I'd like some food, please.' You don't have to get on my case about it." My tone was not one of a smart ass, but a simple tone of confusion, really.
After placing the order, he started screaming in my ear, how he was aggravated, and that he's had a bad day. Honestly, I didn't care, and I told him that. I also told him that it was not an excuse to jump down my throat, which then resulted in him getting a couple inches away from my face and screaming into my ear that I "better start caring" because he was "on steroids" and at that point, I didn't even let him finish. I decided enough was enough, and I told him that I was getting out of the car and leaving for Evan's work, where I know I wont get yelled at for something stupid.
He told me I'd better think twice, because if I left, I was on my own, at which point, I didn't care. I told him that I didn't deserve the way he was treating me, and that he should be ashamed of himself.
The look on his face, was honestly priceless. Not in a funny way, though... He suddenly had this look of angered confusion like "What the hell is wrong with you" or "what did I do?"
Still didn't give a care. I slammed the truck doors closed and walked away. Honestly, I hope he was embarrassed. He deserves it, for all the embarrassment hes caused me.
It was after this that I realized my dad didn't care anything about me. He hasn't cared about me for years now. i'm nothing but a burden to him.. What's even worse, is that I know for a fact that if that had been one of his friends who replied with "sure" (the one word that started it all) he would have just been like "Okay, what do you want?" and left it at that. He has no love nor respect for me, and he cares more about his friends than he does his own daughter.
This is something that I've known for a couple of years anyways. Been saying it for a while, because it's nothing short of the truth.
Last year he told me after we had a huge fight that ended very similar to this, that he loved me, and didn't want to lose me, but if that were so true, why doesn't he think about his actions before he speaks, like he tells me so oftenly to do myself?
Well, guess what dad, get ready for a huge wake up call, because you've finally done it. After all the years of torture, and all the times you've tormented me with your words of violence, anger, and hatred, you've finally successfully done it. You've pushed me to the point, I pray to god I have to see you as little as possible. You've pushed me to the edge or no return. I have tried to hard to love you... to treat you like the best father in the world, to actually cater to you in your times of need, to make you warm food when you were sick, even if you never asked. I've bent over backwards to help you with crap around the house, and I've even ended up hurting myself in the process, but I've stuck it out till the job was done to tend to the wounds I developed during those jobs.
I have actually shed blood, sweat, and tears for you all 20 years of my life, and this is how you repay me? I don't want it.
Just like my mother you are dead to me. I don't deserve the bullshit you put me through, I don't deserve the way you scream in my ear, the way you take all of your anger out on me because I'm nothing but a constant reminder of your psychotic wife all because I look like her. I will no longer tolerate the verbal abuse you send my way almost day in and day out.
Father, you are a dead man to me, as a horrible monster of a person that you are should be. I deserve so much better, and you are definitely not for the better in my life.
I hope you're proud of yourself, and I hope you're happy to know that the only child you have ever had, can't stand to be around you either. So congrats. You win. I'll no longer bother you any more. I'll no longer remind you of the woman you married and conceived a child with, because from now on, you've never had a child, and I no longer have a father.
Fare thee well....
~*~Anastassia~*~
This deserves a "quote of the day" and this is something I said this morning....
"Verbal abuse is still abuse. I don't care how you try to cover it up. Sometimes words and screaming can hurt just as bad as a deep cut on the shoulder."
It seems like ever since I became a teenager, my dad has slowly, but surely started pushing me away with his actions, and most of all, with his words. Throughout the years I have been screamed at more and more by my father, than I have anyone else in my life. Most of the time, it's over the stupidest of things.
It first started out with the clumsy 12 year old me, who used to accidentally drop cups and spill water all over the place. Or the occasional time when I spilled my food all over the floor... But that was small stuff. Sure, as I got older, I've learned to be more careful of my physical actions, so dropping things happens far less than it did back then. Granted, the biggest reason I don't drop things now, is because of my fear that someone will come at me and scream in my ear. Scream those horrible screams, telling me I'm a clumsy fool, that I need to "get my head out of my ass" and start paying attention.
Various other insults comes with that too...
As I grew older, the insults and screaming only got worse. Suddenly, I was being told that I was acting "just like my mother" who is possibly one of the most sick and insane people I know, and is probably the most evil person I know of too. He uses this as a way to get at me, because he knows that I try my hardest to be nothing like her. He uses his insults to best kick my psychological butt, and the sad part it always works.
Last year he left me standing in the cold rain of November by the Kroger after 11 o'clock at night. By the time I made it to my friends apartment, my feet were frozen and sopping wet, and my clothes were wet as well. I ended up staying with my friends that night, and getting little to no sleep. There is a lot more to that story, but basically, if he were to tell the story, it would be all my fault.
It's always my fault. For some reason, the parent is "always right" and the child never gets it right. They don't have enough experience, or maturity to get it right.
That is what I'm always told.
Yesterday... yesterday pretty much broke me on the inside. Once again, it was over the stupidest thing in the fucking world.
Basically, in a nut shell, my dad had asked if I wanted anything to eat, when I replied with the answer "sure" (as in yes, I'd like to have something to eat) I got told with an agitated tone from my dad that "Sure is not an option on the menu." My first reply back to that was "Okay, I said 'sure' as in 'yes, I'd like some food, please.' You don't have to get on my case about it." My tone was not one of a smart ass, but a simple tone of confusion, really.
After placing the order, he started screaming in my ear, how he was aggravated, and that he's had a bad day. Honestly, I didn't care, and I told him that. I also told him that it was not an excuse to jump down my throat, which then resulted in him getting a couple inches away from my face and screaming into my ear that I "better start caring" because he was "on steroids" and at that point, I didn't even let him finish. I decided enough was enough, and I told him that I was getting out of the car and leaving for Evan's work, where I know I wont get yelled at for something stupid.
He told me I'd better think twice, because if I left, I was on my own, at which point, I didn't care. I told him that I didn't deserve the way he was treating me, and that he should be ashamed of himself.
The look on his face, was honestly priceless. Not in a funny way, though... He suddenly had this look of angered confusion like "What the hell is wrong with you" or "what did I do?"
Still didn't give a care. I slammed the truck doors closed and walked away. Honestly, I hope he was embarrassed. He deserves it, for all the embarrassment hes caused me.
It was after this that I realized my dad didn't care anything about me. He hasn't cared about me for years now. i'm nothing but a burden to him.. What's even worse, is that I know for a fact that if that had been one of his friends who replied with "sure" (the one word that started it all) he would have just been like "Okay, what do you want?" and left it at that. He has no love nor respect for me, and he cares more about his friends than he does his own daughter.
This is something that I've known for a couple of years anyways. Been saying it for a while, because it's nothing short of the truth.
Last year he told me after we had a huge fight that ended very similar to this, that he loved me, and didn't want to lose me, but if that were so true, why doesn't he think about his actions before he speaks, like he tells me so oftenly to do myself?
Well, guess what dad, get ready for a huge wake up call, because you've finally done it. After all the years of torture, and all the times you've tormented me with your words of violence, anger, and hatred, you've finally successfully done it. You've pushed me to the point, I pray to god I have to see you as little as possible. You've pushed me to the edge or no return. I have tried to hard to love you... to treat you like the best father in the world, to actually cater to you in your times of need, to make you warm food when you were sick, even if you never asked. I've bent over backwards to help you with crap around the house, and I've even ended up hurting myself in the process, but I've stuck it out till the job was done to tend to the wounds I developed during those jobs.
I have actually shed blood, sweat, and tears for you all 20 years of my life, and this is how you repay me? I don't want it.
Just like my mother you are dead to me. I don't deserve the bullshit you put me through, I don't deserve the way you scream in my ear, the way you take all of your anger out on me because I'm nothing but a constant reminder of your psychotic wife all because I look like her. I will no longer tolerate the verbal abuse you send my way almost day in and day out.
Father, you are a dead man to me, as a horrible monster of a person that you are should be. I deserve so much better, and you are definitely not for the better in my life.
I hope you're proud of yourself, and I hope you're happy to know that the only child you have ever had, can't stand to be around you either. So congrats. You win. I'll no longer bother you any more. I'll no longer remind you of the woman you married and conceived a child with, because from now on, you've never had a child, and I no longer have a father.
Fare thee well....
~*~Anastassia~*~
This deserves a "quote of the day" and this is something I said this morning....
"Verbal abuse is still abuse. I don't care how you try to cover it up. Sometimes words and screaming can hurt just as bad as a deep cut on the shoulder."
Monday, October 24, 2011
Body - 1; My Will Power - 0
Some of you may know that I have a somewhat bad case of IBS, and to top it off I'm lactose intolerant. In other words if I don't watch very carefully to what I do and don't eat, I may be having some involuntary bowel issues in my near future.
This morning, however, I haven't been able to eat a thing, but I fear there was something in the food I ate last night for dinner that is getting to me this morning. So because I'm going through a really bad case because of my IBS, I have to miss classes today, which also include missing out on two tests. So that's freaking awesome. At this point, I just don't want to eat anything, despite the fact that my stomach is really hungry. I'm so sick of dealing with this, and I'm sick of worrying about this every single freaking minute of every single day.
So guess what, body, you win. Can I please get a rest from this?!
Ugh...
~*~Anastassia~*~
This morning, however, I haven't been able to eat a thing, but I fear there was something in the food I ate last night for dinner that is getting to me this morning. So because I'm going through a really bad case because of my IBS, I have to miss classes today, which also include missing out on two tests. So that's freaking awesome. At this point, I just don't want to eat anything, despite the fact that my stomach is really hungry. I'm so sick of dealing with this, and I'm sick of worrying about this every single freaking minute of every single day.
So guess what, body, you win. Can I please get a rest from this?!
Ugh...
~*~Anastassia~*~
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I REALLY Hate This Dog...
Alright... I have held this in for long enough, and I've come to the point where I really just need to get this off my chest.
Masters' mom has this dog, Cairn Terrier, that goes by the name of Moose. For the most part, he is an okay dog, and I really stress the word "okay", because most of the time he is an annoying little monster. (Really trying not to cuss. Been working on that very hard as of late). Yes, this animal is nothing short of a flipping monster, at least in my opinion.
Before I get into everything I will admit that Moose has a slight excuse to act the way he does. He was a foster dog, and to our knowledge he was abused at one point. So when it comes to having your feet close to him, well.. pray to god you are wearing shoes.... Lets just put it at that.
He makes me a nervous wreck. This dog has been living in this house for about 2 years now, and while he is a little bit better, there is still a LOT of room for improvement. When he first came into the house, he bullied their Schnauzer, Baxter, and eventually he died from what we can only think may be stress. (If you don't think stress can kill an animal or person, think again). Moose also bullied around their other Carin Terrier, Kerry. Luckily Kerry is not the nervous wreck that Baxter was, and can stick up for himself fairly well. That's not to say that Moose does not still try to rule the roost.
During the course in which Moose has lived here, he has bit my Master three times, Masters' mom about four times, tried biting me five times (fifth time being tonight), and has bit one of our friends once, and tried biting another friend once. The first few times this happened it was because someone just got close to the dog with their foot. They didn't necessarily touch him. He just snapped and bit at them. Master has the scar on His foot to prove it. There have been times where someone accidentally did bump their foot into him, and he's definitely latched on those times too.
What pisses me off so much about this whole situation, is that Master's parents were warned that he is a biter, and they still took him in. Granted, this is their house, so I don't say anything about it, out of respect for them, and because I know it is not my place.
The first time he tried biting me, I was actually just petting him. I was on the ground, sitting actually, loving on him, when suddenly, with no warning, not a growl, nothing, he starts barking and snapping at my face trying his hardest to bite me. I quickly reacted by backing away, and in the process, my knee accidentally met his lower jaw and clopped his jaws together.
Not going to lie, I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel good about it either. It was completely unintentional, but honestly, I felt he deserved it. That was at the beginning of this year. Each time he lashes out and starts growling like he's some sort of caged monster/animal hybrid (when he certainly is not caged) it just infuriates me. I'm so sick of having to watch my step when I'm in this house, and in the beginning, I never had to. I'm so sick of being afraid that if I step the wrong way, or too close to this beast, that I'm going to get a pair of jaws latched on to me. This dog has drawn blood every single time he has bit someone, except one of the times he bit Masters' mom, and that was because she had shoes on.
What pisses me off the most though, is how EXTREMELY tolerant this woman is of this dog. She has it in her that she can change him. This dog is very old, about 14 I believe. There is no freaking way his habits are going to change. She even has him on a form of Prozac, and that has not done much of anything.
I'm not the only one that is not in love with this dog either. Master sure as heck is not a huge fan of him, and His dad... Well.. lets just say his dad and Moose have clashed several times, and one time was really bad in particular. Not getting into that though. Everyone in this house is trying really hard to give this dog chance after chance, and where some of us are more tolerant than others, where I was very tolerant at first, I'm starting to lose my temper. There is nothing more that angers me when some animal comes around and thinks he can bark and growl at me, especially when I haven't done a single thing to him.
I have never kicked this dog, I've never hit him, and aside from accidentally getting his jaw with my knee, I have not done anything to harm this dog. His aggression towards me is fucking ridiculous, and I've had just about enough of it.
It's gotten so bad that I don't want to be in this house hardly at all anymore. Even worse, he pisses me off so much that I've had thoughts of throwing stuff at him (harmless stuff like pillows, that is) in hopes of scaring him away from me. I once had a thought of choking the dog cause of the way he acts, and it makes me feel horrible. I have NEVER felt this way about ANY animal in my life.
There is something off about this dog, and I straight up don't like it. The level of anger I have towards this dog is very unhealthy, and it upsets me because I have never in my life reacted this way towards any animal that has came into my life....
This feeling I get when I'm around him is very unhealthy, and it messes with my head... I have never felt more like an awful person in my life until Moose showed up....
I'm just... so sick of this...
Dinner is ready, I'm going to go eat, and calm down... This...
I just need to stay away from this house till Moose either changes, or passes.... I can't keep living with these feelings. It's just not fair to me or the dog, and the stress I obtain from this is not fair either. I don't need it, the dog doesn't need it, and Master certainly doesn't need me this way either.
~*~Anastassia~*~
Masters' mom has this dog, Cairn Terrier, that goes by the name of Moose. For the most part, he is an okay dog, and I really stress the word "okay", because most of the time he is an annoying little monster. (Really trying not to cuss. Been working on that very hard as of late). Yes, this animal is nothing short of a flipping monster, at least in my opinion.
Before I get into everything I will admit that Moose has a slight excuse to act the way he does. He was a foster dog, and to our knowledge he was abused at one point. So when it comes to having your feet close to him, well.. pray to god you are wearing shoes.... Lets just put it at that.
He makes me a nervous wreck. This dog has been living in this house for about 2 years now, and while he is a little bit better, there is still a LOT of room for improvement. When he first came into the house, he bullied their Schnauzer, Baxter, and eventually he died from what we can only think may be stress. (If you don't think stress can kill an animal or person, think again). Moose also bullied around their other Carin Terrier, Kerry. Luckily Kerry is not the nervous wreck that Baxter was, and can stick up for himself fairly well. That's not to say that Moose does not still try to rule the roost.
During the course in which Moose has lived here, he has bit my Master three times, Masters' mom about four times, tried biting me five times (fifth time being tonight), and has bit one of our friends once, and tried biting another friend once. The first few times this happened it was because someone just got close to the dog with their foot. They didn't necessarily touch him. He just snapped and bit at them. Master has the scar on His foot to prove it. There have been times where someone accidentally did bump their foot into him, and he's definitely latched on those times too.
What pisses me off so much about this whole situation, is that Master's parents were warned that he is a biter, and they still took him in. Granted, this is their house, so I don't say anything about it, out of respect for them, and because I know it is not my place.
The first time he tried biting me, I was actually just petting him. I was on the ground, sitting actually, loving on him, when suddenly, with no warning, not a growl, nothing, he starts barking and snapping at my face trying his hardest to bite me. I quickly reacted by backing away, and in the process, my knee accidentally met his lower jaw and clopped his jaws together.
Not going to lie, I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel good about it either. It was completely unintentional, but honestly, I felt he deserved it. That was at the beginning of this year. Each time he lashes out and starts growling like he's some sort of caged monster/animal hybrid (when he certainly is not caged) it just infuriates me. I'm so sick of having to watch my step when I'm in this house, and in the beginning, I never had to. I'm so sick of being afraid that if I step the wrong way, or too close to this beast, that I'm going to get a pair of jaws latched on to me. This dog has drawn blood every single time he has bit someone, except one of the times he bit Masters' mom, and that was because she had shoes on.
What pisses me off the most though, is how EXTREMELY tolerant this woman is of this dog. She has it in her that she can change him. This dog is very old, about 14 I believe. There is no freaking way his habits are going to change. She even has him on a form of Prozac, and that has not done much of anything.
I'm not the only one that is not in love with this dog either. Master sure as heck is not a huge fan of him, and His dad... Well.. lets just say his dad and Moose have clashed several times, and one time was really bad in particular. Not getting into that though. Everyone in this house is trying really hard to give this dog chance after chance, and where some of us are more tolerant than others, where I was very tolerant at first, I'm starting to lose my temper. There is nothing more that angers me when some animal comes around and thinks he can bark and growl at me, especially when I haven't done a single thing to him.
I have never kicked this dog, I've never hit him, and aside from accidentally getting his jaw with my knee, I have not done anything to harm this dog. His aggression towards me is fucking ridiculous, and I've had just about enough of it.
It's gotten so bad that I don't want to be in this house hardly at all anymore. Even worse, he pisses me off so much that I've had thoughts of throwing stuff at him (harmless stuff like pillows, that is) in hopes of scaring him away from me. I once had a thought of choking the dog cause of the way he acts, and it makes me feel horrible. I have NEVER felt this way about ANY animal in my life.
There is something off about this dog, and I straight up don't like it. The level of anger I have towards this dog is very unhealthy, and it upsets me because I have never in my life reacted this way towards any animal that has came into my life....
This feeling I get when I'm around him is very unhealthy, and it messes with my head... I have never felt more like an awful person in my life until Moose showed up....
I'm just... so sick of this...
Dinner is ready, I'm going to go eat, and calm down... This...
I just need to stay away from this house till Moose either changes, or passes.... I can't keep living with these feelings. It's just not fair to me or the dog, and the stress I obtain from this is not fair either. I don't need it, the dog doesn't need it, and Master certainly doesn't need me this way either.
~*~Anastassia~*~
An All Around Shitty Day
I woke up five minutes before my alarm clock this morning, and decided to go ahead and get my morning shower in before I headed off to classes. I could tell from the moment I got up that I had not slept well last night, despite actually sleeping through the night. I shrugged it off though and headed into the shower, where I felt I could pass out in there as well. I ended up being late for my first class, only by a few minutes though, because I was late eating breakfast. My hair didn't want to cooperate with me....
All day today, I've felt extremely sluggish. In hopes I would be awake by the time I'd be going to Angel's house this afternoon, though, I tried keeping my spirits up. Other than being late, things were going just fine. I got two tests back today that were both marked with 100% so that definitely kept me happy.
During my medical ethics class, though, I received a text from Angel, telling me that we weren't going to be hanging out today. Thankfully, it wasn't because she was sick this time, but it did suck to know that her toilet was messed up, yet again, and that she was going to be at her mom's.
This didn't necessarily dampen my day, but I was a little bummed out. Trying to get my mind off it though, I ended up bringing out my kindle and reading one of the books I had on it. I was doing fairly well till I received another text from Master.
Long story short, if I were to go to work with Him, I was going to be away from Him, so I decided not to go. On my way out of the school, I saw two of my friends walking by. One waved back at me, and the other one seemingly ignored me. At this point, I don't know why, but I just got really frustrated. After getting in the car with Master, I started crying, but this lead my frustration further as He wasn't even trying to comfort me, even after I told Him everything that happened today.
I ended up just telling Him not to talk to me, and in the process of Him picking me up, getting me some food, taking me to my house to get my house keys, and bringing my back here to His place, I almost made Him late for work.
Needless to say, I'm just not feeling myself. The bottoms of my pant legs are soaking wet from where I stepped in a puddle, my feet are freezing cause I was wearing flip flops, not knowing today was going to stay cold and rainy. I have a headache. I'm here at Master's house all alone and weird noises are happening and the dogs are gone.
I just hate today. I only hope when Master gets home that we can cuddle and we can watch the new episode of American Horror Story tonight and be okay.
This sucks....
~*~Anastassia~*~
All day today, I've felt extremely sluggish. In hopes I would be awake by the time I'd be going to Angel's house this afternoon, though, I tried keeping my spirits up. Other than being late, things were going just fine. I got two tests back today that were both marked with 100% so that definitely kept me happy.
During my medical ethics class, though, I received a text from Angel, telling me that we weren't going to be hanging out today. Thankfully, it wasn't because she was sick this time, but it did suck to know that her toilet was messed up, yet again, and that she was going to be at her mom's.
This didn't necessarily dampen my day, but I was a little bummed out. Trying to get my mind off it though, I ended up bringing out my kindle and reading one of the books I had on it. I was doing fairly well till I received another text from Master.
Long story short, if I were to go to work with Him, I was going to be away from Him, so I decided not to go. On my way out of the school, I saw two of my friends walking by. One waved back at me, and the other one seemingly ignored me. At this point, I don't know why, but I just got really frustrated. After getting in the car with Master, I started crying, but this lead my frustration further as He wasn't even trying to comfort me, even after I told Him everything that happened today.
I ended up just telling Him not to talk to me, and in the process of Him picking me up, getting me some food, taking me to my house to get my house keys, and bringing my back here to His place, I almost made Him late for work.
Needless to say, I'm just not feeling myself. The bottoms of my pant legs are soaking wet from where I stepped in a puddle, my feet are freezing cause I was wearing flip flops, not knowing today was going to stay cold and rainy. I have a headache. I'm here at Master's house all alone and weird noises are happening and the dogs are gone.
I just hate today. I only hope when Master gets home that we can cuddle and we can watch the new episode of American Horror Story tonight and be okay.
This sucks....
~*~Anastassia~*~
Monday, October 17, 2011
Another Awesome Weekend Update
My weekend of fun starting Friday evening when we went to the Bruce Hornsby concert in Charleston. I had never seen this man perform before, and I was excited to be introduced to music that was new to me. Needless to say, I was not disappointed. His music was pretty cool, and the way he played that piano was just beautiful. Not to mention, he was a pretty funny guy who entertained the audience with little jokes here in there in between songs, and sometimes during songs. He was a fantastic performer, him and his band, and I was more than delighted that I got to experience it.
The one part that was not so cool about the show was that I was so worn out from having to take two tests on Friday, and studying so hard, I wore myself out, and I kept being on the verge of dozing off in the middle of the concert. I leaned over on Masters' shoulder at one point and said "I hope your mom is not upset that I keep kind of nodding off. I really am enjoying this, I'm just so worn out...." He told me He felt His parents would understand, and wouldn't be upset. To be honest, I don't think they even noticed.
Saturday was kind of a lazy day for Master and myself. We got up really early that morning, since His parents left around 7, and headed back to His house where I made Him breakfast. We had been wanting to go back to bed and sleep a little long with one another, but after eating breakfast, all that was on our minds was sex, and what wonderful sex it was.
Master and I have been getting very intimate lately, and in a way that is not only more kinky, but even more passionate than before. It's pretty nice. I love the changes that are currently happening between us.
We also talked about the changes that I am to make in order to better myself for me and for Master. (Oddly enough, it's kind of what induced us having sex in the first place. Master is so sexy when He is all Domly and such). We spoke of posture, fixing that foul mouth of mine, (which honestly I do curse an awful lot, and I really need to break that habit) and just all around a bunch of things I could do to improve my life. Once we got that settled , we pretty much headed out and got some Brazilian Wax. I regret it to a degree.
Master tried waxing my cunt so that I'd be really smooth for Him when it comes time for Him to pleasure Himself with me, but halfway through the waxing, I wimped out. It hurt way too much, and I ended up asking for the razor and just finished the job quickly. I don't know if I want to try that ever again. Talk about painful....
Yesterday, however, was the best day out of this whole weekend. Master and I got up early again, much to His dismay, and headed to church with His mom. After church, we went out to lunch with Masters' parents to Apple-bee's and had a lovely lunch/afternoon with them.
As I mentioned above, one of the many things I've been starting to work on it posture, which includes table manners and what-not. I have a horrible habit of putting my elbows on the table, and kind of leaning on the table while eating. Yesterday, however, I decided it was time to put an end to it, and to show Master that I really am trying to improve. Every time I caught myself getting ready to rest on my elbows on the table, I'd stop, remove my arms from the table, sit up straight, and continue about my business. When it comes to eating, I know for a fact that I do well with my table manners in that department.
On a side note, Master really noticed yesterday how I was trying to act more proper at lunch, and that I've been working this weekend on cursing less and less, so He mentioned to me this morning that He was proud of me, and that He was happy I was being such a good girl. The butterflies that went through my heart and stomach when He said that....
Sometimes the simplest of things can make the whole day so much better.
Anyways, back on to yesterday.
We finally got to see Angel and Panda yesterday evening, and it was so nice to see them again. We gave each other hugs, and sat down and talked for a while, only to end up playing the game of Life, Family Guy edition. It was pretty fun, especially since I had never played Life, and came out the winner, almost banking 2 million dollars. Hahaha.. I don't think Panda was very happy about it. ^.^;
After the game was over, Master went to Subway where He bought us all a light dinner. While eating, we started watching the movie Super Troopers, which Master has never seen before (SINNER!!!!). While watching it though, Master and I were getting easily entertained with Angel and Panda's hot wax bath they had. That ended up leading to a very interesting place, last night.
One moment, we're dipping our hands in the wax, and the next thing I know, Panda mentions that Angel should get a towel, and Master is having me take my shirt and bra off. At first, I was a little reluctant, but Master always gets His way, and I was lying on my back with my torso completely exposed. If it weren't for the fact that Angel and Panda have practically seen me naked before, I would have been extremely embarrassed. Luckily for me, though, I was very comfortable around them.
What happened next was amazing. Master started pouring the hot wax all over my chest. At first, it was very bearable, and had me giggling, but not too long after He started pouring the wax on me, I was starting to realize my body was doing its own thing. My back was starting to arch, and I suddenly remembered that wax play was an extreme turn on for me. That meant I was now forced to try and stifle the little moans that were coming from my throat.
It didn't work.
Eventually, I started moaning and whimpering at the mercy of Master, and if that wasn't enough, it was very evident that Panda was entertained by this little show happening in His living room. I heard Him laughing at my attempts to keep myself quiet, and the same from Master, which only resulted in more whimpers. I don't remember hearing much from Angel, but I'm pretty sure she was enjoying it too.
After having a rather euphoric moment, the Master's got the idea to have Angel strip her torso as well, and have our chests pressed together as both of them poured hot wax onto us. Pretty... awesome... and kind of hot. We were both squirming a bit, so keeping the wax on us was a tad hard, and eventually we had to stop because wax was dripping down Angel's pants and panties (Heh!)
We cleaned off the wax off our bodies, and while Angel was changing into her shorts, I put my bra and shirt back on. I ended up on the couch in between Angel and Panda, kind of close to Angel so we could cuddle here and there while we watched Strangeland. Flipping sweet movie. There was some hot body modification, that even I enjoyed looking at, and was slightly envious at one point.
The night ended with us leaving close to 1am, and all of us having a smile on our face. I love the time we all spend with each other. It's like when we're all together, we're this little happy family, who happens to enjoy sharing our kinks with one another. Truly a blessing and a half, and quite the remarkable friendship we all have with one another.
Hopefully I can see Angel again on Wednesday and we can have another one of our "girl days". I really enjoy these precious moments in life.
Life is definitely good.... ^.^
~*~Anastassia~*~
The one part that was not so cool about the show was that I was so worn out from having to take two tests on Friday, and studying so hard, I wore myself out, and I kept being on the verge of dozing off in the middle of the concert. I leaned over on Masters' shoulder at one point and said "I hope your mom is not upset that I keep kind of nodding off. I really am enjoying this, I'm just so worn out...." He told me He felt His parents would understand, and wouldn't be upset. To be honest, I don't think they even noticed.
Saturday was kind of a lazy day for Master and myself. We got up really early that morning, since His parents left around 7, and headed back to His house where I made Him breakfast. We had been wanting to go back to bed and sleep a little long with one another, but after eating breakfast, all that was on our minds was sex, and what wonderful sex it was.
Master and I have been getting very intimate lately, and in a way that is not only more kinky, but even more passionate than before. It's pretty nice. I love the changes that are currently happening between us.
We also talked about the changes that I am to make in order to better myself for me and for Master. (Oddly enough, it's kind of what induced us having sex in the first place. Master is so sexy when He is all Domly and such). We spoke of posture, fixing that foul mouth of mine, (which honestly I do curse an awful lot, and I really need to break that habit) and just all around a bunch of things I could do to improve my life. Once we got that settled , we pretty much headed out and got some Brazilian Wax. I regret it to a degree.
Master tried waxing my cunt so that I'd be really smooth for Him when it comes time for Him to pleasure Himself with me, but halfway through the waxing, I wimped out. It hurt way too much, and I ended up asking for the razor and just finished the job quickly. I don't know if I want to try that ever again. Talk about painful....
Yesterday, however, was the best day out of this whole weekend. Master and I got up early again, much to His dismay, and headed to church with His mom. After church, we went out to lunch with Masters' parents to Apple-bee's and had a lovely lunch/afternoon with them.
As I mentioned above, one of the many things I've been starting to work on it posture, which includes table manners and what-not. I have a horrible habit of putting my elbows on the table, and kind of leaning on the table while eating. Yesterday, however, I decided it was time to put an end to it, and to show Master that I really am trying to improve. Every time I caught myself getting ready to rest on my elbows on the table, I'd stop, remove my arms from the table, sit up straight, and continue about my business. When it comes to eating, I know for a fact that I do well with my table manners in that department.
On a side note, Master really noticed yesterday how I was trying to act more proper at lunch, and that I've been working this weekend on cursing less and less, so He mentioned to me this morning that He was proud of me, and that He was happy I was being such a good girl. The butterflies that went through my heart and stomach when He said that....
Sometimes the simplest of things can make the whole day so much better.
Anyways, back on to yesterday.
We finally got to see Angel and Panda yesterday evening, and it was so nice to see them again. We gave each other hugs, and sat down and talked for a while, only to end up playing the game of Life, Family Guy edition. It was pretty fun, especially since I had never played Life, and came out the winner, almost banking 2 million dollars. Hahaha.. I don't think Panda was very happy about it. ^.^;
After the game was over, Master went to Subway where He bought us all a light dinner. While eating, we started watching the movie Super Troopers, which Master has never seen before (SINNER!!!!). While watching it though, Master and I were getting easily entertained with Angel and Panda's hot wax bath they had. That ended up leading to a very interesting place, last night.
One moment, we're dipping our hands in the wax, and the next thing I know, Panda mentions that Angel should get a towel, and Master is having me take my shirt and bra off. At first, I was a little reluctant, but Master always gets His way, and I was lying on my back with my torso completely exposed. If it weren't for the fact that Angel and Panda have practically seen me naked before, I would have been extremely embarrassed. Luckily for me, though, I was very comfortable around them.
What happened next was amazing. Master started pouring the hot wax all over my chest. At first, it was very bearable, and had me giggling, but not too long after He started pouring the wax on me, I was starting to realize my body was doing its own thing. My back was starting to arch, and I suddenly remembered that wax play was an extreme turn on for me. That meant I was now forced to try and stifle the little moans that were coming from my throat.
It didn't work.
Eventually, I started moaning and whimpering at the mercy of Master, and if that wasn't enough, it was very evident that Panda was entertained by this little show happening in His living room. I heard Him laughing at my attempts to keep myself quiet, and the same from Master, which only resulted in more whimpers. I don't remember hearing much from Angel, but I'm pretty sure she was enjoying it too.
After having a rather euphoric moment, the Master's got the idea to have Angel strip her torso as well, and have our chests pressed together as both of them poured hot wax onto us. Pretty... awesome... and kind of hot. We were both squirming a bit, so keeping the wax on us was a tad hard, and eventually we had to stop because wax was dripping down Angel's pants and panties (Heh!)
We cleaned off the wax off our bodies, and while Angel was changing into her shorts, I put my bra and shirt back on. I ended up on the couch in between Angel and Panda, kind of close to Angel so we could cuddle here and there while we watched Strangeland. Flipping sweet movie. There was some hot body modification, that even I enjoyed looking at, and was slightly envious at one point.
The night ended with us leaving close to 1am, and all of us having a smile on our face. I love the time we all spend with each other. It's like when we're all together, we're this little happy family, who happens to enjoy sharing our kinks with one another. Truly a blessing and a half, and quite the remarkable friendship we all have with one another.
Hopefully I can see Angel again on Wednesday and we can have another one of our "girl days". I really enjoy these precious moments in life.
Life is definitely good.... ^.^
~*~Anastassia~*~
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My Very First Paranormal Investigation
Last night I got to go with my dad to this building called the Chesapeake Community Center. It was basically a gym. We met six others there last night for my first ever paranormal investigation. Turns out, I wasn't the only new one there either. I got acquainted with everyone and seemed to fit in right off the bat. There was the typical comic relief guy there, who everyone picked on. Needless to say, I got in on pranking him too with everyone else. He was so easily startled, and lots of fun to mess with.
Actually when we caught this photo, right before it happened we were all sitting in the gymnasium and some of us heard the girl giggling and we headed upstairs to find this. It was exciting and weird. We ended up staying up there for a while and all of us kept seeing shadows and what-not, and hearing what sounded look foot steps and something clanging against the railing on the stair wells. It was awesome.
After we all made our greetings, we started setting up our equipment all throughout the building. The guy who was head of this investigation, Dave, installed his infrared camera downstairs, and then one upstairs. He had full view of both of those ever so long hallways. Once everyone was set up, we split off into different groups to start our investigation. I paired up with my father at first.
What was really interesting though, is right before we were about to start, I looked down the first floor hallway while shining my flashlight, and I saw a distinct shadow of a man that was kind of slender and stood about 6 feet tall at the very end of the hallway. Thinking it was my dad, as it happened right when he was walking, I asked him to retrace his steps in hopes of making that happen again....
Nothing.
I asked him to walk backwards and forwards and still nothing.
I couldn't get it to happen again. Is it possible I just witness my very first shadow in person? Feeling kind of odd that I couldn't debunk it, and knowing I wasn't the only one who saw it, I think we might have actually seen a real shadow person. Still trying to make heads or tales of that. ^.^; Needless to say, that very moment, in my mind made me feel that this investigation was going to be promising, and boy was it ever!
While there last night, Dad and I experienced what we like to call a "phantom smell". A phantom smell is a scent that we humans pick up for a brief moment, and have no idea where it comes from. This is actually somewhat common when hunting for the paranormal. The sad part about this scent we picked up, was that it smelled that of a rotting corpse. One of the ways we knew that it was indeed a phantom smell is that when we were first at the very end of the hallway of the first floor, we never once smelled that. We came back a second time, and suddenly it hit us, and it was VERY STRONG. I mean, this stench had both dad and I gagging, and my dad never gags. Even more proof? It disappeared almost as fast as it showed up. We tried checking trash cans and what-not. Nothing. We didn't even experience it the rest of the night. Talk about strange...
Now, before I go on further about the awesomeness that happened last night, I wanted to make a point of letting those of my readers know that this place was really active before our investigation even started. We kept hearing little things here and there, like a little girl giggling, footsteps, the weights clanking against one another. Another interesting fact is that the place we were in used to be an elementary school, and there was a janitor that has been known to be seen there that goes by the name of Lloyd. Apparently he was really loved by the children there, and this guy was such a nice man that he would work on weekends keeping the school warm just so the kids could come back on Monday and have a warm school to come into during the winter.
Another tid bit, is that before it was ever a school, it used to be a common ground for the KKK and slaves were actually brought into this building, and lots of them never came back out alive. There is also another spirit that roams this place that goes by the name of Ruth Anne, who tragically died because a friend of hers committed suicide off a near by bridge and drug Ruth down with her. They both drowned.
There is also the spirit of a little girl that inhabits the place, and I know for a fact she is there because we not only heard her giggling throughout the night, but I actually found her footprints upstairs.
 |
| Pretty sure that is the foot print of that little girl. |
I took lots of pictures last night, but I have yet to go over them with my dad to see if we can debunk them or not. So for now, the best photo I have is of that foot print.
At one point, earlier in the night, Dave and I were upstairs doing an EVP session and when I asked for any spirits to show us that they were there, and to give us a sign, Dave jumped and said he swore he saw what looked like a shadow arm and hand come toward the flash light and then disappear. So that was interesting. Sadly, I did not witness this myself as I was looking in another direction, so we can only go off of what Dave thought he saw.
Once we made it back down stairs, we all decided to take a break from the investigation and most of the group went outside. Jim, the comic relief, decided he wanted to go to the bathroom at this point, and we had been jokingly scaring him all night. So when he went into the bathroom, Dave hid behind this doorway and waited patiently.
As Jim was coming back down the hallway, he was shining his light in ever crack where a person would fit, only to find no one was hiding there to scare him. One guy and I were yelling down the hall at him saying, "Told you he wasn't in here. He's outside with Dreama and the others." Then he passes the room where Dave was hiding....
He just walks right by him, SHINES HIS FLASH LIGHT ON HIM, and completely misses him!!! XD
At that point, the other new person and I were just sitting there looking at one another as Dave came creeping out of the room silently behind Jim. He then latched onto Jims ' shoulders and screamed at him, making Jim jump and run off into the gymnasium. We all started laughing our heads off, and the best part? I caught it on camera too. Sadly, blogger won't let me upload it on here, so I'll figure out a way to get it on for everyone to see...
Of course, Dave got me too. I was trying to get this ball to move on the floor, in hopes of interacting with a spirit, when suddenly I hear Dave go "Hey Jessie.. Turn around." About that time I saw a ball rolling across the floor behind me, which, not going to lie, made me jump and I backed away going "What the fuck just happened?" Turns out, it was Dave playing a prank on me as well. I had to laugh, it was pretty good and it was pretty freaking funny.
All in all it was a fun night with shadow people, giggling, weird noises and just all time it was fun. I really hope to go back there again sometime. I really want to catch a picture of that little girl.
Sometime today we are going to go over our EVP sessions in hopes we caught something. I'll update this later when I know if we have more evidence or not. ^.^
~*~Anastassia~*~
Sometime today we are going to go over our EVP sessions in hopes we caught something. I'll update this later when I know if we have more evidence or not. ^.^
~*~Anastassia~*~
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Self Discipline
After reading my post from last night, and reading a comment that a friend has recently left for me only moments ago, I have come to the realization that I was not only being immature and disrespectful to my Master, but I showed a certain lack of patience and trust in Him and our relationship, which is highly unacceptable.
Master does not know this yet, but I am going to be disciplining myself today for the wrong I have done to my Master. I do not know if He will punish me yet, but I have a feeling that after we talk about this, there may very well be a punishment coming to me. I will accept whatever may come my way, as I know I fully deserve it. I need to work more on expressing my feelings better, more on a mature side, level headed, and most of all to Him, not my blog.
I am not sure how I am going to go about punishing myself on this, but I do know that I am going to write my Master a letter letting Him know that I am doing this, and that I will be accepting my fate. I only hope we can get through this and that I can learn to be more patient with Him, and learn to trust Him even more.
This will not be for acceptance, this will be for training myself to be a better slave and for me to learn how to respect my Master the way I should.
Till next time.
~*~Anastassia~*~
Master does not know this yet, but I am going to be disciplining myself today for the wrong I have done to my Master. I do not know if He will punish me yet, but I have a feeling that after we talk about this, there may very well be a punishment coming to me. I will accept whatever may come my way, as I know I fully deserve it. I need to work more on expressing my feelings better, more on a mature side, level headed, and most of all to Him, not my blog.
I am not sure how I am going to go about punishing myself on this, but I do know that I am going to write my Master a letter letting Him know that I am doing this, and that I will be accepting my fate. I only hope we can get through this and that I can learn to be more patient with Him, and learn to trust Him even more.
This will not be for acceptance, this will be for training myself to be a better slave and for me to learn how to respect my Master the way I should.
Till next time.
~*~Anastassia~*~
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Frustration At Its Finest....
It seems like these days everyone is getting engaged. Almost all of my friends are engaged, or else living with their partners or something of that variety....
When is it going to be my turn?
November 18th of this year will be my three year anniversary with Master, and other than having a serious relationship, that is pretty much as far as it goes. I hate talking about the future with Him because all I ever hear is "It won't be that long." or "It will happen someday, I promise." And promises are nice and all, but promises can be broken. It's not like I don't trust my Master, I do, it's just... I feel like I should be going somewhere with this relationship. I enjoy being His slave, but I want to be His live in 24/7 slave. I want a place with Him. I want to be able to come home and prepare meals for us, and keep our home clean. I want to lay my head down next to His at night, and then when I wake up in the morning, I want for Him to still be there.
It's been nearly three fucking years, and it's so frustrating!!!
Sure, I want to be His fiance, but I wouldn't be thinking about it so much if I were at least living with Him. After all, that is the step before engagement for us. I keep getting told to be patient. To just worry about the "here and now", and that it will happen "soon enough". Well "soon enough" really doesn't seem all that soon to me. In fact, it feels like we're going to be living in separate homes for the next few years while we go through college, and I'm SICK OF IT!
I'm so tired of sleeping alone! I'm so tired of waking up alone, and hearing His voice through the phone, not in person. I'm tired of hiding our relationship all the time because we're constantly near family. I'm so fucking sick and tired of having limited time to have sex and play time with my own fucking Master because we have to worry when His fucking parents are going come home!
I really have no idea how much of this shit I can take! It's driving me mad! I hate living at home with my parents. I love them to death, and we are definitely getting along more often these days, but I just need to be on my own! I need a place to call my own, and pay my own bills, and take care of my own shit on my own time! I'm sick of taking care of THEIR house.
When is it going to be my turn to move in with my partner? When will it be my turn to get a cat or dog of my very own in my own place? When will it be my turn to get engaged, then married and have kids?! WHEN?! I have never been more patient in my life, and I'm tired of being so fucking patient.
I know I have no choice, but it doesn't mean I can't get upset over it. Whether any of us like it or not, this upsets me enough, and my nerves are starting to run thin. Maybe I'm being over-reactive, or maybe I'm being irrational, but I mean.. come on! Can anyone really blame me? For wanting to be out with my partner in a place we own together? Is it stupid? Am I foolish for it? Am I being selfish?
Fuck...
~*~Anastassia~*~
When is it going to be my turn?
November 18th of this year will be my three year anniversary with Master, and other than having a serious relationship, that is pretty much as far as it goes. I hate talking about the future with Him because all I ever hear is "It won't be that long." or "It will happen someday, I promise." And promises are nice and all, but promises can be broken. It's not like I don't trust my Master, I do, it's just... I feel like I should be going somewhere with this relationship. I enjoy being His slave, but I want to be His live in 24/7 slave. I want a place with Him. I want to be able to come home and prepare meals for us, and keep our home clean. I want to lay my head down next to His at night, and then when I wake up in the morning, I want for Him to still be there.
It's been nearly three fucking years, and it's so frustrating!!!
Sure, I want to be His fiance, but I wouldn't be thinking about it so much if I were at least living with Him. After all, that is the step before engagement for us. I keep getting told to be patient. To just worry about the "here and now", and that it will happen "soon enough". Well "soon enough" really doesn't seem all that soon to me. In fact, it feels like we're going to be living in separate homes for the next few years while we go through college, and I'm SICK OF IT!
I'm so tired of sleeping alone! I'm so tired of waking up alone, and hearing His voice through the phone, not in person. I'm tired of hiding our relationship all the time because we're constantly near family. I'm so fucking sick and tired of having limited time to have sex and play time with my own fucking Master because we have to worry when His fucking parents are going come home!
I really have no idea how much of this shit I can take! It's driving me mad! I hate living at home with my parents. I love them to death, and we are definitely getting along more often these days, but I just need to be on my own! I need a place to call my own, and pay my own bills, and take care of my own shit on my own time! I'm sick of taking care of THEIR house.
When is it going to be my turn to move in with my partner? When will it be my turn to get a cat or dog of my very own in my own place? When will it be my turn to get engaged, then married and have kids?! WHEN?! I have never been more patient in my life, and I'm tired of being so fucking patient.
I know I have no choice, but it doesn't mean I can't get upset over it. Whether any of us like it or not, this upsets me enough, and my nerves are starting to run thin. Maybe I'm being over-reactive, or maybe I'm being irrational, but I mean.. come on! Can anyone really blame me? For wanting to be out with my partner in a place we own together? Is it stupid? Am I foolish for it? Am I being selfish?
Fuck...
~*~Anastassia~*~
Monday, October 10, 2011
Person Not of Interest
Master always tells me that I am an interesting person. My reply generally remains the same, "Only to you." To be honest, that is how I feel. I don't feel that I'm interesting, and a lot of times, I don't think others find me interesting either. That's fine and all, but I have reasons for believing this.
On many occasions, I will be talking to a friend, or even some random person who wishes to talk to me, and after a couple of seconds it always seems like they are starting to either ignore me or lose interest in what I'm saying. A certain friend of mine, whom I work with, will ask me something and as soon as I start to answer she almost immediately turns away and starts to talk to someone else. That, or she interrupts me and starts talking about herself. To clarify, though, she doesn't always do this, but it happens more often than I'd like it to.
It unnerves me. It makes me feel like I'm boring, or that my opinion doesn't matter to her. She's not the only one either. My dad does it too. In fact, in most cases it's more or less he seems to just be blocking me out completely. I have to repeat myself several times when I talk to him because he straight up was not listening or paying me any attention. It drives me insane! I hate having to repeat myself, but most of all, repeat myself several times! I'm lazy and want to conserve the energy it takes to repeat myself. Haha.....
At the very most, I just wish people would tell me that I'm boring them. I'd take more offense if someone just blatantly turned away than if they said "Hey, you're droning on." or "What you are saying is not of interest to me." Or even "Please get to the point." If someone just took the time to say that, I would be happy! My response would be "Okay, sorry." or something like that, and I'd be fine! It's when they turn away, or interrupt me is when I start getting pissed off. No one likes being ignored, and honestly, I don't like it either. i'm not a huge attention seeker, but dammit, if someone is going to talk to me, they better fucking listen, or else just tell me "hold on." SOMETHING!
I can not stand it!
Those aren't the only reasons I don't feel I'm interesting, though. In most cases, my life is very boring. I get up early, I go to school, I come home, get on the computer, do homework, see Master, and then later on in the evening I go to bed. It's a routine. A routine I'm actually very sick of. Sure, occasionally something cool will happen. I'll go to a party or a sort, or hang out with Angel and have awesome game nights with her and her Master, but times like that for me are far and few in between.
Unlike most people, I don't have friends I see every single day. I don't get invited to do very many things, and I could easily be labeled as a loner. These are all reasons why I feel I'm uninteresting. These are also things I REALLY want to change about myself.
I want to have stories to tell, I want to be surrounded by people I love and know, I want to be able to strike up a conversation with someone who won't get bored of me in a mere few seconds. I want more friends like Angel, who care how I am, and who actually wants to "catch up" with me and hear of the things going on in my life. I'm sick of having people in my life that don't seem to give two shits of what is going on with me, and then pretend they know everything. They don't. They don't know shit about me.
Which is also fine. I don't need people knowing about every single move that I make, and how often I inhale and exhale throughout the day.
I just want to be a person of interest....
~*~Anastassia~*~
On many occasions, I will be talking to a friend, or even some random person who wishes to talk to me, and after a couple of seconds it always seems like they are starting to either ignore me or lose interest in what I'm saying. A certain friend of mine, whom I work with, will ask me something and as soon as I start to answer she almost immediately turns away and starts to talk to someone else. That, or she interrupts me and starts talking about herself. To clarify, though, she doesn't always do this, but it happens more often than I'd like it to.
It unnerves me. It makes me feel like I'm boring, or that my opinion doesn't matter to her. She's not the only one either. My dad does it too. In fact, in most cases it's more or less he seems to just be blocking me out completely. I have to repeat myself several times when I talk to him because he straight up was not listening or paying me any attention. It drives me insane! I hate having to repeat myself, but most of all, repeat myself several times! I'm lazy and want to conserve the energy it takes to repeat myself. Haha.....
At the very most, I just wish people would tell me that I'm boring them. I'd take more offense if someone just blatantly turned away than if they said "Hey, you're droning on." or "What you are saying is not of interest to me." Or even "Please get to the point." If someone just took the time to say that, I would be happy! My response would be "Okay, sorry." or something like that, and I'd be fine! It's when they turn away, or interrupt me is when I start getting pissed off. No one likes being ignored, and honestly, I don't like it either. i'm not a huge attention seeker, but dammit, if someone is going to talk to me, they better fucking listen, or else just tell me "hold on." SOMETHING!
I can not stand it!
Those aren't the only reasons I don't feel I'm interesting, though. In most cases, my life is very boring. I get up early, I go to school, I come home, get on the computer, do homework, see Master, and then later on in the evening I go to bed. It's a routine. A routine I'm actually very sick of. Sure, occasionally something cool will happen. I'll go to a party or a sort, or hang out with Angel and have awesome game nights with her and her Master, but times like that for me are far and few in between.
Unlike most people, I don't have friends I see every single day. I don't get invited to do very many things, and I could easily be labeled as a loner. These are all reasons why I feel I'm uninteresting. These are also things I REALLY want to change about myself.
I want to have stories to tell, I want to be surrounded by people I love and know, I want to be able to strike up a conversation with someone who won't get bored of me in a mere few seconds. I want more friends like Angel, who care how I am, and who actually wants to "catch up" with me and hear of the things going on in my life. I'm sick of having people in my life that don't seem to give two shits of what is going on with me, and then pretend they know everything. They don't. They don't know shit about me.
Which is also fine. I don't need people knowing about every single move that I make, and how often I inhale and exhale throughout the day.
I just want to be a person of interest....
~*~Anastassia~*~
Medical Science and Me
As some of my readers may know, I am currently studying in school to become an MA (medical assistant) and ever since I started attending these classes, I've not only learned an awful lot, but I never realized how much of this stuff I have actually practiced for a while now. What has me worried though, is that I've noticed I am starting to become overcautious with my day to day life. I've never been one to really take too many risks, but having the newer knowledge I do now, I am starting to be even more careful.
One might say too careful.
It's amazing how fragile the human body can be, and it is even more amazing that the human body can actually take a significant amount of damage too. The anatomy is just... beautiful. I love the way we work, and to me it is nothing short of a miracle. We have several organs in our bodies, quite a few small ones too, and they are just so powerful and a lot of them do more than two things. Heck, the digestive system alone is just amazing with all that happens when it is working!
Enough of that, though.
I have become extremely cautious as of late, and what worries me is that I am psyching myself out of experiencing certain sensations in my life. Granted, I'm not going to stop needle play, and I'm not going to stop letting Master asphyxiate me or nothing like that. I feel over protective. When Master does something crazy, I used to just look at Him and say something similar to "You shouldn't do that. You'll get hurt." Now, I don't necessarily have a mini freak out, but I'm far more aware of His actions. I actually watch Him, to make sure He doesn't get hurt. I love and care for him, so that is natural... I just.. I don't want to let this get control over me.
It's a good thing I've already been certified in CPR and first aid! If anything DOES happen, I know how to take care of someone till professional medical help arrives. Sustaining a life isn't easy, but I have the training to help give what boost there may be.
I was sitting in my medical ethics class last week, and we were going over what to do if someone were to pass out, or have a nose bleed, and a bunch of other things. I was thrilled to know that in all of the situations she listed off, (about 12) there was only one type of emergency I didn't know how to handle. I felt very proud of myself. I know how to handle it now though. So I can do just about anything at this point!
I'm just really happy that I decided to do this, and pushed myself into going back to school to learn how to do this. I know I'm going to do well, and I know I'm going to make a living out of this. I'm sincerely excited to finish this course and start my job in a hospital some day.
~*~Anastassia~*~
One might say too careful.
It's amazing how fragile the human body can be, and it is even more amazing that the human body can actually take a significant amount of damage too. The anatomy is just... beautiful. I love the way we work, and to me it is nothing short of a miracle. We have several organs in our bodies, quite a few small ones too, and they are just so powerful and a lot of them do more than two things. Heck, the digestive system alone is just amazing with all that happens when it is working!
Enough of that, though.
I have become extremely cautious as of late, and what worries me is that I am psyching myself out of experiencing certain sensations in my life. Granted, I'm not going to stop needle play, and I'm not going to stop letting Master asphyxiate me or nothing like that. I feel over protective. When Master does something crazy, I used to just look at Him and say something similar to "You shouldn't do that. You'll get hurt." Now, I don't necessarily have a mini freak out, but I'm far more aware of His actions. I actually watch Him, to make sure He doesn't get hurt. I love and care for him, so that is natural... I just.. I don't want to let this get control over me.
It's a good thing I've already been certified in CPR and first aid! If anything DOES happen, I know how to take care of someone till professional medical help arrives. Sustaining a life isn't easy, but I have the training to help give what boost there may be.
I was sitting in my medical ethics class last week, and we were going over what to do if someone were to pass out, or have a nose bleed, and a bunch of other things. I was thrilled to know that in all of the situations she listed off, (about 12) there was only one type of emergency I didn't know how to handle. I felt very proud of myself. I know how to handle it now though. So I can do just about anything at this point!
I'm just really happy that I decided to do this, and pushed myself into going back to school to learn how to do this. I know I'm going to do well, and I know I'm going to make a living out of this. I'm sincerely excited to finish this course and start my job in a hospital some day.
~*~Anastassia~*~
Monday, October 3, 2011
Off Beat, but Still Surviving
These last two weeks have been somewhat crazy for me. I'm back in school now from my two week break (which felt more like two months, than anything) so I'm getting back in the swing of going to bed early, and getting up really early in the morning. This new birth control I'm on seems to be doing its job so far, as in my mood swings are actually even lower than before. I haven't been on it a full month yet, so I'll get to that in a couple of weeks when I know 100% for sure how my body is handling it. So far so good, though.
My sex drive had kind of plummeted for a while there, and Master actually had to kind of "work on me" some days just to get me going enough to want to engage in sexual activity. To be honest, there were days where it didn't even work at all, no matter how bad I wanted it to. I'm going to blame that on the switch of birth control, though. It can happen, and I bet that switching was the reason it did happen. However, my libido is rearing its lovely head again, and I'm back to having that "horny teenager" vibe about me again. It's pretty awesome, really.
This weekend, Master's parents were out of the house all weekend because they were camping in their motor home at a near by state park called Beech Fork. Knowing that we'd have the house to ourselves again, we didn't pass up the chance for me to stay the night with Master once more. I slept better this time, knowing that no one was going to come back in the middle of the night, and it was nice being curled up next to Master all night long. The only drawback was that the room was freezing cold all night long, so we had to double up on the blankets, and it gave us even more of a reason to snuggle closer.
Sadly, Sunday morning could not be nearly as enjoyed as I had work that morning. So much for giving Master His morning blow job as I had anticipated. We've had more time to take showers together lately, which is always a nice thing. I know it may sound silly, but I feel we bond a little more each time we shower together and bathe one another and play with each other in the shower. It's always so much fun, and plus a little sex in the shower never hurts!
Recently, Master has been trying to train me to orgasm by saying certain "trigger words" or rather, a trigger phrase. Each time I orgasm, He has been saying the trigger phrase in my ear, in hopes of ingraining that into my mind some day so that all He will have to do is just say the words without even so much as touching me, and I'll cum on the spot for Him. This process is going to take a LOT of time and practice, but I have faith in us. If all else fails, at least we will have fun and we are trying something new and interesting. So excitement is always there.
Today was an interesting one for sure. There is this guy at my school that kind of flirts with me on a daily basis, and for a lack of better terms, annoys the shit out of me. Today was different though. He didn't make passes at me, he didn't even really joke too much with me. In fact, he only said "Hi" to me and that was about it. As I was sitting by the doors of the school waiting on my father to come pick me up this afternoon, he sat down next to me and started to strike up a conversation. As I looked at him, I realized just by watching him move, the way he sat, and the look on his face, that something was up. I knew that he was thinking of moving out of town in two weeks, and I also knew that there are students and teachers alike that do not want him to leave yet. Knowing this, I pretty much hit it on the dot with him.
By merely observing his actions, and remembering a few key points from conversations I over heard him engaging in with other people last week, I looked at him and asked "Something troubling you?" He kind of just nodded his head, but didn't really look at me. "I take it you don't really want to leave here, do you? You seem torn from leaving and staying here." It was at this point that he turned to me and asked "How did you know?" I just smiled and said "I pay attention. That's how."
The look on his face may very well have been that of pure shock. As if he thought he wasn't that easy to read. I didn't really stifle the laugh that came from me, and before I knew it, he was opening up to me and telling me his concerns of the day.
After seeing that side of someone, I find it really hard to pass judgement upon a person. I think I just need to get to know him. After all, he seems really nice, he's just really flipping flirty. Point is, though, I gave him something to think about, and I hope he took my advice to heart. I know for a fact I got him to smile, so my words weren't all in vain, even if he doesn't follow my example.
The last thing that happened tonight was just that Master and I got to take another shower together. Granted, I sneaked into the shower while He wasn't looking, so when He opened His eyes, there I was, naked in front of him. Needless to say, that little surprise did the trick, and not too long after the shower, Master had me on the living room floor, using me to His hearts content. It was nice. I love when He uses me as His fuck toy, and makes me pleasure Him with my body.
At any rate, it's getting late, my body is completely exhausted, and I'm about to pass out.
Till next time.
~*~Anastassia~*~
My sex drive had kind of plummeted for a while there, and Master actually had to kind of "work on me" some days just to get me going enough to want to engage in sexual activity. To be honest, there were days where it didn't even work at all, no matter how bad I wanted it to. I'm going to blame that on the switch of birth control, though. It can happen, and I bet that switching was the reason it did happen. However, my libido is rearing its lovely head again, and I'm back to having that "horny teenager" vibe about me again. It's pretty awesome, really.
This weekend, Master's parents were out of the house all weekend because they were camping in their motor home at a near by state park called Beech Fork. Knowing that we'd have the house to ourselves again, we didn't pass up the chance for me to stay the night with Master once more. I slept better this time, knowing that no one was going to come back in the middle of the night, and it was nice being curled up next to Master all night long. The only drawback was that the room was freezing cold all night long, so we had to double up on the blankets, and it gave us even more of a reason to snuggle closer.
Sadly, Sunday morning could not be nearly as enjoyed as I had work that morning. So much for giving Master His morning blow job as I had anticipated. We've had more time to take showers together lately, which is always a nice thing. I know it may sound silly, but I feel we bond a little more each time we shower together and bathe one another and play with each other in the shower. It's always so much fun, and plus a little sex in the shower never hurts!
Recently, Master has been trying to train me to orgasm by saying certain "trigger words" or rather, a trigger phrase. Each time I orgasm, He has been saying the trigger phrase in my ear, in hopes of ingraining that into my mind some day so that all He will have to do is just say the words without even so much as touching me, and I'll cum on the spot for Him. This process is going to take a LOT of time and practice, but I have faith in us. If all else fails, at least we will have fun and we are trying something new and interesting. So excitement is always there.
Today was an interesting one for sure. There is this guy at my school that kind of flirts with me on a daily basis, and for a lack of better terms, annoys the shit out of me. Today was different though. He didn't make passes at me, he didn't even really joke too much with me. In fact, he only said "Hi" to me and that was about it. As I was sitting by the doors of the school waiting on my father to come pick me up this afternoon, he sat down next to me and started to strike up a conversation. As I looked at him, I realized just by watching him move, the way he sat, and the look on his face, that something was up. I knew that he was thinking of moving out of town in two weeks, and I also knew that there are students and teachers alike that do not want him to leave yet. Knowing this, I pretty much hit it on the dot with him.
By merely observing his actions, and remembering a few key points from conversations I over heard him engaging in with other people last week, I looked at him and asked "Something troubling you?" He kind of just nodded his head, but didn't really look at me. "I take it you don't really want to leave here, do you? You seem torn from leaving and staying here." It was at this point that he turned to me and asked "How did you know?" I just smiled and said "I pay attention. That's how."
The look on his face may very well have been that of pure shock. As if he thought he wasn't that easy to read. I didn't really stifle the laugh that came from me, and before I knew it, he was opening up to me and telling me his concerns of the day.
After seeing that side of someone, I find it really hard to pass judgement upon a person. I think I just need to get to know him. After all, he seems really nice, he's just really flipping flirty. Point is, though, I gave him something to think about, and I hope he took my advice to heart. I know for a fact I got him to smile, so my words weren't all in vain, even if he doesn't follow my example.
The last thing that happened tonight was just that Master and I got to take another shower together. Granted, I sneaked into the shower while He wasn't looking, so when He opened His eyes, there I was, naked in front of him. Needless to say, that little surprise did the trick, and not too long after the shower, Master had me on the living room floor, using me to His hearts content. It was nice. I love when He uses me as His fuck toy, and makes me pleasure Him with my body.
At any rate, it's getting late, my body is completely exhausted, and I'm about to pass out.
Till next time.
~*~Anastassia~*~
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