Depression

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it on here, but I deal with depression. Most of the time no one ever notices because I've learned to keep it at bay, but there are days like today where it will creep up on me out of nowhere. Just an hour or so ago, I was feeling great, happy, and like nothing in the world could get me down, and now here I am, sad and sulky, and it kind of pisses me off. 


I hate when I get like this. I'm not even sure what triggered this reaction in the first place. This is typical for me, though. I never really know how I get like this, it just.. happens... so to speak. It could be a number of things really. I know I'm a little bummed out because once again, I'll not be able to see my family for Christmas this year, due to my job. (I should be getting used to this by now.. you'd think...) Plus, it almost felt like my dad was rubbing it in my face that he had to do all this planning to see our family, and he knew I was upset about not being able to attend. I'm sure that wasn't his intention, though. He doesn't think.. he can't help it...


My great grandmother is in her 80's and has been ill lately, so I really have no idea how much longer she has with us before the lord says it's time for her to go.... For all I know, this may be the last Christmas I may get to spend with her... I don't know, and I sure hope that isn't the case. 


Hell.. Christmas just isn't the same anymore anyways... Regardless, I knew I wouldn't be able to see them this year anyways. My boss hates me, and tries her hardest to make my life miserable. She does it well. So I don't think that's what got me feeling like this to begin with.


Master has been working over time lately, so I barely get to see Him as of late. I only get to see Him in the evenings for a few hours at best, and then it's back to bed to start the same exact process all over again. I remember this time last year, we spent our Christmas break together. Not working all the fucking time and hoping for a chance to get lucky to even send a text saying "Hi." It's fucking ridiculous. 


I apologize to my readers. This is not a fun or happy post, and I had been doing so well on not cussing nearly as much, but here I am back at it again. Mreh.


At any rate, it could be a number of things. Why I'm feeling like this, that is. I just hope this feeling goes away. It's never pleasant, and it just makes me feel tired and becoming a shut in, which is definitely not me. 


That's okay. I have something to write in a separate post that is a lot more thrilling to read, at least in my opinion. So I'll have that up soon.


Thanks for listening to me whine like a bitch. lol


~*~Anastassia~*~