Men In White. Please Come Take Me Away.

I just got off the phone with Master not too long ago, and to be blunt today has not started off all that well. So far I have cried, been frustrated, and wanted to either rip my hair out or blow my brains all over these walls. I have been told by Master, Himself, that I have changed, and He thinks it's all because of Moose. They didn't put the dog down, and they said they'd muzzle train him, but I haven't seen any of that so far. Not getting into that though.


I was also told by Master that I have become "irate" and I am "easily agitated" more-so now. Typically, this would piss me off, but I think somewhere deep in me I wasn't upset because to some degree He's probably right. Hell, last night I was so frustrated over homework that I seriously wanted to legit flip the damn table, scream and just run off somewhere. To top it off, I had cried briefly because of it. Homework can be frustrating, but I don't typically lose it. At most I get irritated, get up to take a few deep breaths and a break, come back, and I'm fine. 


It's true, I'm stressed because finals are less than a week away. Finals have always made me nervous, and I've always gotten stressed over them. Yes, the fact that Moose is still running around freely, though promised he wouldn't be allowed to, has pissed me off to high heaven. Honestly, I feel as if I'm acting my normal, given the circumstances. Sure, I'm a little more pissy, but I get that way when finals come closer. Once I've finished them, though, I know I'll be stress free and back to normal. 


I will admit that when winter and the cold weather kicks in, I'm never happy. The cold dreary days depress me. I need sunshine, and I'm not getting it, so yes, I have been known to be a little more upset with life, but because this happens every year, I just see it as something normal.


To top it off, I have to always repeat things to Master, and lets be frank here. I despise repetition. Master is always asking if I'm upset with Him, even on days where everything has gone right and it's been a fantastic day. Other things that bothers me is that sometimes He can be extremely touchy feely, and some days, I just don't want that. Some days, I want to be left alone, to not be touched, to not be asked question of whether or not I'm pissed at someone, and sometimes, I just want to put my head phones and and blast my ears with music for a while. 


After being together for three years, it kills me a little to know that He still has a hard time understanding my feelings. He tells me He has a hard time reading me. He's the only one that seems to have that issue. Anyone else (even people who don't even know my name!) can tell if I'm pissed off, worried, happy, excited, etc. Occasionally, some people will confused my tired face with my depressed face, but that has always happened all of my life. Seriously! I'M AN OPEN BOOK! If a stranger can tells if I'm upset or sad, then why can't my own Master, who has been with me for a little over 3 years tell?! I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!


I am able to see when something is bothering Him with so much freaking ease that it should be a part time job for me. (Kay, just being sarcastic and dramatic). Even my parents, who barely see me at all anymore, can tell whether or not my day has gone great or awry. They may not always comment on it, but they can!


I just.. I don't understand. It baffles me how this is never ending. I'm so static in my life, that I should be so predictable as to when I'm going to fart next! (lol) Ugh... Why is it so hard...? No one.. no one can be this oblivious can they? *sigh*


~*~Anastassia~*~